long before I met you
by markab
Summary: Jackson story...will feature Jackson coming out to his father...and the birth of Jack...regular readers will know!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 1/3

***warning*** NO AARON!

A/N: This short story comes out from two PMs I got a few weeks ago...one wanted me to do a Jackson 'coming out' story...and the other asked when little Jack was born (you know who you are!) ...it got me thinking...but instead of two separate stories, I've decided to kill two birds with one stone...and combine it all! xx

There has 3 chapters...and you will have to be a Jackson lover to like it...it is set several years before his meeting of Aaron..., and Jackson would be 17...Aaron would have been 12!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND REVIEW!...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

APRIL 2005

Jackson Walsh jumped out the builders van, and turned, Ray was giving him the thumbs up, as he drove off and beeped twice...he made his way up the path,and opened the back door to see his mother at the stove, she turned pointing her finger, " OI!...YOU take them muddy boots off first...I've just gone and mopped this floor..."

Jackson sighed, and pulled off his boots, then dumped his rucksack onto the counter, "I Passed!... I passed me apprenticeship...no more flaming college for me!"

Hazel turned from the stove, she beamed a loving smile at him, " ohhhhh!...Jackson love, that IS good news...ohhhhh COME 'ERE you..." Hazel was then practically squeezing the life out of her son..."See I TOLD you you were clever...didn't I tell you...even after falling out that tree when you were little..."

Jackson smirked at her as he rolled his eyes, " blimey mum simmer down...I'm a only a builder, not a rocket scientist...", Hazel had her hands together, I Know love...it's just I'm SO proud of you, that's all...MY SON all grown up...and getting into the real world..."

Jackson went and stirred the peas on the stove, " hurry up with THIS will yah, I'm starving me..."

Hazel jumped back to making the tea, as Jackson went up stairs to get out of his work clothes, he pulled off his tee shirt and combats, and decided to go and have shower, but before he went in his mobile jingled...he had received a text.

Jackson went over and pulled the phone out from his combats...the display had the text received icon...he shrugged and opened it, it was from Sarah...his girlfriend...well his sort of girlfriend...it was sort of on and off...more off...he shook his head and opened it

**...I HAVE to see u...Sx**

Jackson pulled a long face...what did SHE want...the last time they saw eachother was a few weeks back, when they were out with a group of friends at a music gig...they had rowed...THEY ALWAYS rowed!

He threw the mobile onto his bed, he decided he MIGHT text her later...he then looked into the mirror...he was standing their in nowt but his boxers...he stared at his abs...his thighs...his upper arms...this gym thing was really starting to build him up...no wonder Sarah was always all over him...even though HE would rather be all over somebody else...he smiled at the thought.

Jackson quickly grabbed his shower, and after quickly pulling on some jeans and a tight T shirt, he hurried back down the stairs...where his father had just got in from work, Jackson looked up as Jerry thrown his newspaper onto the armchair in the sitting room, "Your mum has just told me the news... that you have finished with THAT apprenticeship..."

Jackson shook his head, grinning like a loon " yeah...NO more college...I'll just be working for a living, Ray's said that he's letting me on site for proper on Monday, no more workshops for me!...", Jackson looked real proud of himself.

Jerry blew out a sigh, as he sat down, " YOU will JUST be making the tea son...A LACKY...that's what YOU'LL be!"

Jackson glared at his father, waving out his arm to him, " WHAT'S IT to you...JUST because you wanted me to do somemit else...I WANTED THIS...I LIKE working outside...I LIKE building..."

Jerry nodded at him, " yeah YOU DO...only because you'll TOO flipping thick to do owt else, son..."

Hazel was then in the doorway, " ohhhh JEERRRY...Why can't you be pleased for him...HE'S worked hard for this...", Jerry deeply sighed, " I suppose he has...I JUST wanted him to do somemit BETTER than...THAT!", his eyes widening, as he finished his sentence.

Jackson pulled a face, raising his eyebrowes at him, " errrr!...I am STILL here you know!" he then stormed off, Hazel thumbed towards the kitchen, " NOW look what you've gone and done...can't we just all have a meal in this house, without aggro between you two please...SO WHAT...YOUR SON is going to be a builder...I suggest you DEAL with it Jerry...because HE has..."

Jackson had dreamed of becoming an arcitect, but he was too rubbish at his maths...Jackson loved to build...since he was a young boy playing with his lego in his bedroom...it was the next best thing...

He sat at the kitchen table, as Hazel placed his pie and chip down in front of him, "THERE you go my lovely boy...get that down yah...", she then dumped Jerry's down in front of him, she glared at him, then turning back to her son as she sat down, she watched as Jackson poured a shed load of gravy all over his chip, " YOU GET THAT from your father...chips and gravy AAAGH! ", she said while salting her food, he was licking his fingers of the gravy that had escaped... " I bet you are gonna be needing alot of good meals in yah...all that PHYSICAL labouring you are gonna be doing...IT'S REAL MANS work...", she glared at Jerry again, "unlike some I could mention..."

"DO you HAVE too!" told Jerry, glaring back at her, Jackson sighed and stood up,holding out his hands "look...if you two are gonna bicker, I'm going out...", Hazel stood up all concerned, " but Jackson...your tea love...", Jackson felt bad for her, but he shot a glare toward his father, " WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR MAH..." he waved his arm out, " WHY DO THIS AAALLL THE TIME!...", he then disappeared into the hallway.

Hazel looked down to Jerry, " NOW look what you've done...you are a useless father...WHEN are you EVER going to show him you're proud of him a...", she throw her knife and fork onto her full plate, " NOW I'VE lost MY appetite..."

Jackson was up the street in no time, he had his mobile to his ear, " hey Sarah it's me...you wanted to see mah...so...is now a good time..."

An hour later, Jackson walked up the driveway of Sarah's parents house...he went up to the door and rang the bell, Sarah answered it, and pulled him inside.

Jackson glanced into the lounge, but Sarah laughed at him, " it's OKAY...Mum and dad have gone out for a meal...we've got the place to ourselves..."

Jackson looked at her...his eyes betraying his discomfort, Sarah reasured him, " hey...THEY won't be back for hours...do you want a beer...Dads got plenty in the fridge..."

Jackson swallowed nervously, and shook his head, " yeah...why not...", he followed Sarah into the kitchen and she opened the fridge and handed him over a can...

"naughty naughty!" came a teasing voice, Sarah turned to see her older brother Craig standing in the doorway, " dad will go spare if any of his cans are missing...", Sarah glared at him, " bog off Craig...I'll just say YOU took one...", Craig raised his eyebrowes at her, " oh well...just as well go the whole hog and take another...", Craig reached into the fridge...Jackson looked at him...his body...it seemed that Craig had got back from a run...he was only in a vest and shorts...and looked hot...Jackson struggled to tare his gaze away...Sarah placed her hand in his,finally forcing his gaze toward her "wanna go up stairs..." she asked.

Jackson placed his arms around her and kissed her gently on the lips, then in an embrace, Jackson faced toward Craig who was sipping from the lager can watching them...he winked at Jackson...smirked and announced, " I'm all hot and sweaty after that run...I'm just gonna grab meself a shower..."

Jackson stared after Craig, as he disappeared into the hallway, Craig glancing BACK at him before he went up the stairs...Sarah pulled out the embrace, "So do yah wanna come upstairs or what...", Jackson smiled at her, "yah...why not...JUST as long as I'M DOWN HERE again when your folks get back..."

Sarah grabbed Jackson's hand, and pulled him up the stairs, once they were inside her bedroom, Sarah closed the door and sat Jackson down onto her bed, " Jackson...there's... I'm sorry about last time...when we had that fight..."

Jackson could see that Sarah wanted to say something...but couldn't get the right words out, "Sarah...what is it...", Sarah swallowed, and stared at him in the face, " Jackson...I'm pregnant...THAT's was why I was so narky with yah at the concert...I...I wanted to tell you but I were scared...", Sarah was shaking...but there was relief in her expression...finally to be able to finally unleash a secret she had been keeping for weeks...

Jackson was shellshocked...at first he stared at her, face blank...then he stood up and paced about the bedroom thinking...then finally, he stopped and looked at her sat on the bed, "your dad is gonna flaming KILL MAH!"

Sarah shushed him, "shhhh...Craig doesn't know...NO ONE knows...", Jackson pulled his eyebrowes together, " ARE you sure like...I mean...it's not a...well...", Sarah shook her head at him, " no Jackson...I've done 3 tests...they've come out positive EVERYTIME...I'm pregnant..."

Jackson slumped back down next to her and turned...face still shell shocked, " but...WE only did it the once..."

Sarah managed a nervous laugh, " THAT's ALL IT TAKES...", Jackson's mind was now racing...he suddenly glared at her " ARE YAH sure it's mine!..."

Sarah jumped up, " WHAT!...what do you take me for...ARE YOU calling me a slag!...THAT was my first time Jackson..."

Jackson swallowed,as he stared to the carpet, " mine too...", Sarah hinted a smile, " I noticed...you were pretty crap...abit disappointing after it took you WEEKS to even make the first move..."

Jackson hinted a smile himself, " as if YOU'VE got anything to compare it wit...any way, I wered just...building meself up to it...", he then started to fret again,and snapped his neck round " your dad is going to KILL mah...and MY dad...he'll kill me too...HE'LL be dictating to me about how i've now RUINED my life..."

Sarah shook her head at him, " Jackson calm down...", Jackson gazed at her in disbelief, "HOW can I be...HOW CAN you just sit there ALL calm..."

"because I've had more time to get used to it...I was shitting meself when I missed me period...", Jackson gave her a distained look.

Craig was then knocking on the bedroom door, " OI you two...you better not be doing anything I wouldn't in there...OR WOULD!", Jackson glanced at the door knowingly...he then faced Sarah, " look...i'm gonna have to go...I REALLY NEED to take this in..." he stood up, and opened the door, Sarah ran to him, " Jackson..."

Jackson turned back to her, " Sarah...it's alright...I JUST NEEED some time...to get me head round it...", he then disappeared down the stairs...

At the front door, Craig was waiting for him, "GOING so soon..." he teased, Jackson stared into Craigs eyes, there was something about him that made him feel strange...but, shrugging it off he was then out the door.

Later Jackson was in the town, he looked across to a busy club...a club that he knew was a GAY CLUB...Bar West it were called...he stood in the late evening drizzle, hands dug deep into his pockets...he bit his tongue, then strolled across the road to the window and peered down...he could see a whole host of clubbers having a great night out...lads laughing, joking...kissing...he stared at a couple who approached the entrance, they were hand in hand...Jackson focused his brown eyes onto their hands clasped together tightly...he watched as they disappeared inside and faded into the laughter and chatter...and the music...the dance music that was just urging him to be drawn in...like a moth to a flame...

"ARE you going in..." asked avoice behind him...Jackson swung around to see a young lad of about 18 standing there, Jackson swallowed,his big brown eyes all over the shop, "ERRRR...nope...just...well..." he was stuck for words.

The lad laughed, and headed to the entrance, " well if you change yah mind...I'll be waiting at the bar..." the lad turned to go inside, before turned briefly with a; "I'm Joe by the way..."

Jackson nodded, but at the same time was backing away up the street, " yeah...CHEERS for that..." he then turned and hurried off, he glanced around a couple of times as he rounded the street...his heart was threatening to beat right out of his chest...he leaned on the wall to gather up his thoughts...WHAT THE HELL was he thinking...he shook his head a few times before going in the direction of home.

The drizzle at stopped when he reached the garden path to his parents house, he hurried to the door and put his key in the lock...as he pushed it open, the damned squeak of it's hinges, alerted Hazel...she turned from working on her latest art masterpiece, to see Jackson just about to head up stairs, " ohhh love...I was just wondering when you were coming back..." she stood and came toward him...and smiled, " I've kept your tea warm...it's sitting in the oven ", Jackson raised his eyebrowes at her, " and NO doubt dry as old leather then, smashing...I'LL give it a MISS all the same..."

Hazel watched him step up the stairs, " YOUR fathers at the pub...HE doesn't mean to put yah down you know...you KNOW what he's like...it's the way he IS...", Jackson turned on his heel, "Mum STOP making excuses for him will yah!...he's..." he closed his eyes and thought against slagging him off, " ...look...I'm tired...I'll see yah in the morning yah..."

Hazel watched him disappear into his room, that was just at the top of the stairs, she bit her lip...and went to grab the linen basket from the kitchen.

Jackson flopped out onto his bed, he pulled out his mobile to see that he had received a message from Sarah, **R U ALRIGHT? **

Jackson cursed beneath his breath...COURSE he WASN'T allright...with this hanging over him...he throw the mobile to his dresser and then picked up his i pod...MUSIC always made him think clearer...

As he laid back on his bed, he closed his eyes and listened to the music through his headphones, then he opened his eyes to see his mum peering around his bedroom door with the linen basket...Jackson pulled the earphones from his ears and frowned at his mother, "MUM!...WHAT is it now...I JUST wanna be left alone, alright"

"just come to see if you've got any dirty washing...", she was snooping around his bed, Jackson was waving a hand out to her in disbelief, "AND WHAT...you are gonna be DOING a wash this time a night, are yah!"

Hazel laughed at him,as she picked up a t shirt and combats from the floor, " you KNOW what you'll like...it's saturday tomorrow, and you'll be in yah pit till gone noon!"

Jackson sighed and stared up at the ceiling, Hazel could ALWAYS tell when something was on his mind, she stood still clutching the linen basket watching him, " look love, what'sup...someminks on yah mind...it's not like you don't tell me anything...", Jackson raised his head to glare at her, "NOT this time mum...just leave it will yah, PLEEASE!" Hazel shook her head, knowing her limits of not pushing too far with him,she turned and said, "Oh I see YOU'VE dragged yahself back from the pub..." Jerry was at the doorway behind Hazel, "so what's this all about...", Hazel turned around, "ohhh DON'T START Jerrrry"

Jerry held his hands up, " IT'S alright!...I'm not starting anything...I just want say sorry...", Hazel looked gobsmacked, " sorry!...YOU!...are you FEELING alright!", Jerry shook his head at her, and turned to Jackson, " I'm sorry son...about what I said earlier..."

Hazel stuck on tongue inside her cheek, " until the NEXT time..." she murmured... Jerry glared at her, " DO YOU MIND!"

Jackson looked up,it waas up to him to be peace maker again, " mum...just...just give him a minute will yah...please"

Hazel shook her head, and closed the door behind her, Jackson stared back to the ceiling again...Jerry sat on the bedroom, " look son...I am sorry about what I said...it's just...I don't want you to go throwing your life away, that's all...I WANT you to make something of yahself"

Jackson lifted his head, " I'm not!...look...I'VE GOT plans me...I may only start out as the tea boy on site...but...I'M GONNA build me own business me...JUST YOU WAIT!...YOU won't be seeing ME on THAT rogue traders!", Jackson saying that as he ment it.

Jerry stood up and nodded, " yeah...I should hope not! ...You'll go far!...if you take after me..." he moved to the door and turned, " and I suppose there IS a top side to this builders lark...the girls...you'll be woof whistling them as they walk by..."

"maybe..." said Jackson, with a hint of a smile, then as he heard he him go down the creaky old stairs, he reached his arm down to his bottom drawer of his bedside unit...and pulled out a free ad newspaper...he quickly flicked the pages until he came to the GAY FRIENDLY club, bar west...

his mind was in turmoil...HOW COULD HE JUST 'COME OUT' now...

He had rehearsed it SO many times...his mum...she would take it in her stride...

His dad...that was another story...

but it WASN'T that simple now...Sarah was pregnant...it wasn't just a case of him dumping her for a bloke...it'll be dumping HER and her baby...

he forced his eyes shut to close out everything...he didn't know waht to do...

but the one thing he DID know was...he wasn't goint to get any sleep tonight...

to be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 2

***warning*** NO AARON!

A/N: This short story comes out from two PMs I got a few weeks ago...one wanted me to do a Jackson 'coming out' story...and the other asked when little Jack was born (you know who you are!) ...it got me thinking...but instead of two separate stories, I've decided to kill two birds with one stone...and combine it all! xx

thanks for the reviews...was abit nervous about doing a Jackson only story...glad you like it...well...some of you. xx

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND REVIEW!...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

JUNE 2005

Jackson Walsh stood on the scaffolding...he was working on a building site on the Hotten high street, the sun blared down and he removed his hard hat briefly to wipe the sweat away with his forearm.

He then looked down towards Bar west...it was closed at the moment...but later on...he knew that it would be rocking...a sure night out...only if he had the courage to actually EVER go inside.

There was a loud woof whistle nearby, and Jackson turned to see his work mates pointing toward some tart in a short skirt, John came over to him, placing his arm around Jackson's shoulders, and pointed, " DID you SEE that bit of skirt man...IF ONLY I could have her on me own for while...WHAT I could get up to...what bout you"

Jackson nodded his head, brown eyes glancing towards Bar West, " yeah, I'd have a crack...it'll be rude not to..."

John laughed out loud and patted Jackson on the back, " you'll A LAD!...hey some of the lads are off to that new lap dancing joint tonight...ARE you gonna be gracing us with your presence..."

Jackson was open mouthed, " errrrrr..." he slapped his forehead, " NO I CAN'T!...shit...I would have been WELL up for that mate...maybe next time..."

John went back to work, Jackson glanced at his watch and started back himself, then he was off to the gym...

Later on, Jackson sat on the cycling machine at the gym...the sweat beaded from his browe, as he wiped it away by using the bottom of his vest...

The vest pinged back as he let go and stared directly ahead of him, their was a lad on the weights, he laid upon his back was was working at pushing some weights up and down...Jackson's brown eyes focused on them ripped guns, then his gaze wandered to the lads thick thighs...before he forcefully tore his stare away back to himself.

He jumped off the cycling machine, and made his way to the locker room, upon reaching it, he sat down on the bench and pulled the ipod earphones out of his ears, then watched as a couple of lads had a towel fight behind him...he smiled, until his mobile jungled into life, he pulled it out from his black shorts and glanced at the display...**Sarah calling...**

What did SHE want now...not more crying he hoped...not more banging on and on about the baby...

He pressed the off button and pulled down his shorts, he needed a shower, he just needed a break from her going on.

Sarah was at home sat at the kitchen table, she placed the mobile down and looked up to see her brother come through the back door, " alright sis!" he chirped with a smile.

Sarah smiled at him, " what are you all happy about, pulled AGAIN have yah...", Craig grabbed out a beer from the fridge, and pulled the ring, " I ALWAYS pull...so...Jackson not coming to see yah tonight..." he pryed.

Sarah sighed and looked up, " I just tried to call him...his phones on voicemail...anyway he's not allowed round here is he..." Craig sat down and bit his lip, " does he...know about me...being Gay...", Sarah tilted her head, "CRAIG!...Mum and dad DON'T know you are Gay, so why would i tell Jackson..."

Craig shrugged, " thought you might...seeing he's the father of your baby...how would you suspect he'd take it...if he were to know I were gay" he asked.

Sarah hadn't really thought about that, " I don't know...better than Mum and dad i suppose...", she stood up and turned, " i'm going up to my room, give me a shout when Mums made the tea..."

Sarah went up the stairs to her bedroom, recent events milling through her mind...she had told her parents that she was pregnant a few weeks back...she had to, there was no hiding the fact, especially with her being sick and was about to expand in weight.

Her father went APE...he demanded to know who the father was...and when he knew who it was...he marched around to Jackson's house to go belt him one.

And he would have smashed Jackson into next week, if it wasn't for Jackson's own father Jerry...

Now Jackson was barred from the house...and Sarah was getting the increased impression Jackson was using that as a reason to stay clear away from her.

She stood in front of the mirror and pulled up her top, then turned to see the profile of her belly...it was swollen...she DEFINATELY was getting bigger...and the bigger it was...the more real it was getting...she just wished Jackson would answer her calls.

Jackson was in the town, it was getting dark as he rounded the corner to see Bar West looming at him...he clutched rucksack and headed towards the window...looking down to the revellers inside...he bit his lip...now turning his head to look up at the building site opposite...the incident earlier had put him off...he sighed and made his way up the street, placing his phone to his ear, he said, " mum...warm me tea up for us...I'm on me way..."

Jackson slung his rucksack in the corner as he got in through the front door, Hazel came out from the kitchen, " hello love...tea's on...", Jackson removed his boots and followed his mother through into the kitchen.

Hazel pulled the plate out from the oven, and plonked it onto the side, " It's toad in the hole!" she chirpily announced, "...well..." she pulled face, " with out the toad..."

Jackson scrutinized the dish, " great! just batter then!"

Hazel poured some gravy over it, " well...I was sorta in a rush actually...THAT school I was telling you about...they've asked muir to be their after school art tutor..." she beamed a smile thinking about what masterpieces the class could come up with.

Jackson sat with his meal, he chomped through and looked up, raising his folk at her, " what THEM lot! that school is rough as rough, I SHOULD KNOW...the only thing they're be spreading paint all over, is you..."

Hazel sat down watching her son eat, " "ohhhh don't be like that...there is some REAL talent at that school...and I think I MAY have an up, and aspiring artist in the making anyway..."

Jackson wasn't really interested, " oh yeah..."

"yeah...I think he's gay...because they ARE arn't they...the gays I mean...they're artistic" she smiled hands together, and lost in thought.

Jackson pulled a face at her, " and you'll telling me this because..."

"I'm JUST saying!...I thought you'd be interested...blimey!...I've had MORE reaction from yah father..."

Jackson pushed his plate away and stood up, "look...I JUST not in the mood to go talking to yah about artists and gays and art classes...I've got OTHER things to worry about..."

Hazel took the plate, and scraped the leftovers into the bin, " have you heard from her...I mean THIS IS YOUR BABY TOO JACKSON...YOU have EVERY right to go see her...even though her fathers an animal..."

Jackson shook his head at her, " mum...I just don't want anything to DO with it...blimey I'm 18 this year...WHY would I wanna go chasing around for some baby for..."

That sort of talk really angered Hazel, she pointed her finger at him, " now YOU look here, YOU should have thought about that, before you took it out of your pants...NOW you've got to face up to it..."

Jerry then was at the door way, " hey...I'm TRYING to watch some TV in there...what are you two arguing over NOW!"

Jackson snapped his neck round to him, " TAKE A WILD GUESS!"

Jerry glared at Hazel, " I thought we talked about this...and you promised to keep that shut!", he pointed to his own mouth, he turned to his son, " right, getyah shoes on...WE are going for a pint..."

Jerry had bought the beers, and brought them over to the table in the corner of their local, "So AS I was saying son...YOU really are going to have to FACE up to your responsibilities..."

Jackson was slouched in the seat, he looked up at him, " WHY do YOU and me MUM have to go and interfere in my life, ALLLL the time!"

Jerry took a sip of his pint, " WE are just TRYING to make yah see sense...you can't go shirking it son...YOU are going to have to MAN UP and go do the right thing..."

Jackson put his hand around his pint glass, " and what's THAT supposed to mean"

Jerry shrugged, " maybe you should offer her a gesture...like...maybe ASKING her to marry you..."

Jackson's head shot up...his face showing just how angry he was now, " WHAT!...is THAT it...I get to go ruin me life...saddle meself down to some girl I don't even love...THANKS FOR THAT BIT OF FATHERLY ADVICE DAD...but you know where you can stick it!"

Jerry could see his son's gaze hit the floor...although he was angry, he must have felt bad about that...he leaned forward, " son...it's best to go show willing isn't it...I JUST don't want folk to think bad of yah...!"

Jackson's gaze shot up again, " oh GREAT!...that's it, isn't it...THIS might look BAD on you...the poor bloke whose son knocked some bird up and doesn't give a stuff...yeah THAT'S ME dad!" sarcasm hit the tone, and Jerry hated that, " THAT'S enough!...now you listen to me..."

Jackson stood up and leaned into his father, eyes all wide, " NO you listen...ALL this is just doing me head in...you, me mum...HER...I just want some peace...YOU CAN'T MAKE ME do what I don't want to do...unless you'll do what yah best at...and go using them fists..."

Jerry glared at him, " NOW you listen to me!"

Jackson shook his head at him, he downed his pint, and made for the door, on reaching it he turned back to his father, " CAN'T you see ALL this is messing with ME head..." he then bolted out the doors, Jerry sighed heavily and sat back down staring into his pint glass, one of his mates came over from the bar, " THAT lad of yours playing you up, is he..."

Jerry frowned thinly, " HE'S just pig headed...and STUBBORN..." he looked up to his mate with a smile, " I wonder WHERE he gets that from..."

Jackson made his way up the street...it was a warm night...and he felt quite comfortable in his t shirt, forcing his hands deep into his pockets, he made his way across the road and headed up toward the Hotten high street, his mobile jingled...and he knew he'd recieved a text message.

He paused in a doorway to a hardware shop, and pulled his phone out, he opened the text, it was from Sarah...WHO ELSE...he read it, **cme c me...mum and dad r out. we need 2 talk**

no flaming chance...thought Jackson, i've had enough of talking for tonight!

Sarah laid on her bed...AGAIN she was waiting for Jackson's reply...IF he replied, then Craig peered his head around the doorway, "I'M off out..."

Sarah looked up, "don't have too much fun..."

Craig turned " well if mum and dad ask...", Sarah smiled at him, " JUST go and have some fun...at least one of us will be..."

Jackson came to the corner and sighted Bar West...he bit his lip, forcing his phone back into his pocket, he looked about him...then made his way across the road toward the entrance...the music was blaring out, some 90's dance classic...he wiped his hand across his face, before heading forth down the stairs...

Once he was at the bar, Jackson turned and scanned around him, there was a mixture of feelings within him...he felt quilt...excitement...a rebellion against the taboo of his work mates...he smiled to himself...he turned back to the bar, and the barman came forward, "ah right mate...what can I get yah..."

Jackson grinned...

Jerry came through the front door, just as Hazel was packing up her art masterpiece, "YOU STILL messing about with THAT!" he told.

Hazel was covering it up with a sheet, " you won't be saying that when I've got it hanging up at the gallery..." she smiled.

Jerry glared at her, " no chance...YOU'D be hard fixed for it to be hung up in here!", Hazel was looking behind him only realising, " where's Jackson..."

Jerry sat on the armchair with a scowl, " WHERE IS HE JERRY!"

"proberly DOING what he's best at...GETTING BLADDERED AT SOME NIGHTCLUB..." he argued.

Hazel shook her head, " I ASK you to do ONE thing, and you can't even get THAT right..." she pointed to no where in general, " HE NEEDS TO SORT THIS MESS OUT!...THAT girl of his is carrying our grandchild"

Jerry jumped up, " LIKE HE CARES!...well HE can sort THAT out himself...I'VE done what you've asked...IT'S NOT MY FAULT he takes after you, and doesn't listen to a word...", he went into the kitchen, " don't you go blaming this ON ME JERRY!...JERRY!...JERRY! ARE you listening to me!" but Jerry had gone forth to the outside Lav, Hazel rolled her eyes in frustration, the MEN in her life!

Jackson stood at the bar...his brown eyes fixed on a couple of lads kissing...at first it bothered him...not that HE didn't like it...it just felt strange seeing it...RIGHT there in front of him...on show...

suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder...it made in winse abit, but he relaxed when he recognised the face...well sort of...he just couldn't put a name to him...

"ALRIGHT MATE!...you came IN then..in the end!" the lad cried with a friendly smile, " OR should I be saying you CAME OUT!" he jested.

Jackson shot his gaze to the bar, and laughed nervously, " what...errrrr...I'm not gay me, mate...",the lad shrugged, " THAT'S fine...I am though...but lucky for YOU, you're NOT me type..."

Jackson nodded, and took a swig from his bottle, the lad turned and held out his hand, " IT'S Joe by the way...I SAW you out front a few weeks back...", Jackson turned his head, now realising WHERE he'd seen him, " I'm Jackson..." and he shook Joe's hand.

Jackson and Joe stood awkwardly at the bar...the music deafening the silence between them, Joe turned, " HEY do yah play pool...", Jackson shook his head, " errr Yeah...wanna game..."

Joe smirked at him, " thought you'd never ask!"

Sarah sat up watching the TV, Sheila came in with a tin tray of tea and biscuits...she placed it onto the coffee table and turned, " your brother gone out..." she asked, Sarah nodded, "yep...he went a while ago..."

Sheila plonked her fat backside down onto the sofa next to her daughter, " it baffles me where he goes!...he certainly doesn't use your fathers local", Sarah glanced at her briefly, "wouldn't YOU like to know..." she helped herself to a biscuit, and looked up, " mum...about Jackson..."

Sheila glared at her, " YOU KNOW what your father said...HE says he's NOT to step foot in here again...now...HAVE you thought about that adoption plan we discussed..."

Sarah turned away from her...she NEEDED to discuss that with Jackson...maybe he didn't WANT her to give up the baby...but WHAT input could he add, if her dad refused him in the house...or HIM not answering her texts and calls...infact WHERE the hell was he...and who with...

At Bar West, Jackson was playing a blinder...Joe was really impressed with his new mates pool moves, he leant on his cuestick and smiled, " so you're abit of a pool shark then...", Jackson was leaning over, lining up his next move, he raised his eyes up at him, and smiled, "YOU should see ALL me trophies at home...I were UNDER 12s champion for 3 years in a row!"

"and there's me THINKING i'd impress yah", " told Joe with a smirk, Jackson looked up at him uneasily, Joe shook his head, " I'm ONLY messing with yah...AS I've said, you'll NOT me type..." he took a swig of his drink, Jackson hesitated at first, but he finally asked, " errrr, WHAT is yah type..."

Joe turned to him, " why do YOU wanna know...and WHY should I tell yah...", Jackson potted another ball, and looked up shyly...he was so nervous, " then maybe i'll tell you mine..."

Joe raised his eyebrowes, but careful not to let Jackson's 'coming out' be an issue, "Ok...well him over THERE is cute...little short though..."

Jackson stared to the face...the lad was pretty cute...Joe pointed toward the booths, "and him over there...he's pretty fit too...", Jackson glanced over to the lad...

...and felt sick...sick to the stomach...

because Sarah's brother Craig was sitting there...

and he was staring right back at him...

To be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 3

***warning*** NO AARON!

A/N: This short story comes out from two PMs I got a few weeks ago...one wanted me to do a Jackson 'coming out' story...and the other asked when little Jack was born (you know who you are!) ...it got me thinking...but instead of two separate stories, I've decided to kill two birds with one stone...and combine it all! xx

I HOPE YOU LIKE!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND REVIEW!...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

JUNE 2005 continued from last chapter...

At Bar West, Jackson was playing a blinder...Joe was really impressed with his new mates pool moves, he leant on his cuestick and smiled, " so you're abit of a pool shark then...", Jackson was leaning over, lining up his next move, he raised his eyes up at him, and smiled, "YOU should see ALL me trophies at home...I were UNDER 12s champion for 3 years in a row!"

"and there's me THINKING i'd impress yah", " told Joe with a smirk, Jackson looked up at him uneasily, Joe shook his head, " I'm ONLY messing with yah...AS I've said, you'll NOT me type..." he took a swig of his drink, Jackson hesitated at first, but he finally asked, " errrr, WHAT is yah type..."Joe turned to him, " why do YOU wanna know...and WHY should I tell yah...", Jackson potted another ball, and looked up shy...he was so nervous, " then maybe i'll tell you mine..."

Joe raised his eyebrowes, but careful not to let Jackson's 'coming out' be an issue, "Ok...well him over THERE is cute...little short though..."Jackson stared to the face...the lad was pretty cute...Joe pointed toward the booths, "and him over there...he's pretty fit too...", Jackson glanced over to the lad...and felt sick...sick to the stomach...because Sarah's brother Craig was sitting there...and he was staring right back at him...

Craig shot up, and made his way over to the pool table, Jackson leant upon his cue stick just waiting for a backlash, but Craig surprized him with a smile, " I THOUGHT it were you, what are you doing in here!", Jackson glanced toward Joe, who could see his new found mate was in a spot of bother, Joe placed his arm around Jackson's shoulders, " HE'S me mate...I've just sorta come out...and Jackson is giving me some support like...it's abit scary coming IN HERE on yah own..." Joe glanced at Jackson, there was a double meaning in there!...and talk about instant role reversal!

Craig nodded his head...he seemed to be sighing in relief, " AND there's ME scared that you'll be going to deck me IF Sarah told you about me!"

Joe raised his eyebrowes...WHO was Sarah...and who was this blond fella...he was cute though, but Joe was getting intrigued that there was a BIG story going off here.

Jackson went and picked up his bottle of beer, then quickly necked it down, "IN fact...me and Joe were off...I've got an early start..." he told...eyes boring straight into Craig.

Craig tilted his head, " arn't YOU even gonna ASK after her...shes been calling yah...Mum wants her to put it up for adoption"

This grabbed Joe's attention even more...THERE WAS something BIG going off here...and he was dying to know what, so he grabbed Jackson's arm, " look...WE'VE got to be going...I'M giving him a lift home...nice to meet you...", Craig nodded at him, and watched as Jackson readied to go, he turned, " tell Sarah...tell her I'll text her tomorrow...I PROMISE...", he then followed Joe out toward the bars exit.

Craig folded his arms...there was something fishy going on...Jackson had NEVER mentioned a Joe before...yes, Jackson could have loads of mates...but...

Outside it had started to rain, so Jackson and Joe hurried toward the taxi rank, as they sat there waiting, Joe closed the silence between them, " So..."

"DON'T even begin to ask!" told Jackson, eyes facing everywhere but Joe.

"can't I even ASK who Sarah is...and THAT guy in the club...i've already gathered he doesn't know you're gay..."

Jackson snapped his head round to him, " HAVE I SAID I'm Gay!"

Joe swallowed and shrugged, " you don't NEED to mate...look I've just tried to be a mate to yah...I WISH i hadn't bothered now, have a nice life..." Jackson looked at him in surprize as Joe began to stroll up the street in the rain, Jackson agonised for abit, then lept up after him, he slapped his hand upon Joe's shoulder stopping him from going any further, " Joe wait up will yah!...I'm sorry mate..."

Joe turned around, " look...Jackson mate, you seem to have a complicated situation going on...I'd like to help you out, but if you just gonna go closing up on me..."

Jackson snatched out his mobile, " take me number please!...WE could meet up...i'll try and explain things...please...I...I could do with someone to talk to...", Joe looked up at jackson's face, there was sincerity in those big brown eyes of his, Joe sighed and took Jackson's phone, he then programmed his number into his own phone, on handing the phone back to Jackson, he smiled, " text me...anytime...when you wanna go meet up"

It was gone midnight when Jackson came through he backdoor, Hazel was in the lounge watching some TV, she turned and stood up, " oh at last!...I was getting worried about yah love..."

Jackson shook his head at her, and waved out his arm, " WHY are yah even still up...Mum,i'm nearly 18!...STOP treating me like i'm 5...I'll come and go as I please, thanks!"

Hazel smiled at him, " I know that...it's just your father said you went and stormed out the pub... Ijust was wondering where you went, that's all"

Jackson shrugged as he made his way into the kitchen, " just went to a few bars, as if it's any of YOUR business what I do...", he opened the fridge and gulped down some orange juice, on finishing it, he put it away and turned to her, "...and NOW, I'm off to bed, IF that's alright by you...", Hazel watched him go...WHY was he so differcult lately...why was her son changing...she just wished he would tell her what was going on in that brain of his...

JULY 2005

Sarah was at the hospital for her scan...the pregnancy was in it's second semester now, and she was starting to balloon out more than she had hoped.

Jackson sat next to her in the waiting room, he turned to her, " are you...nervous..." he asked.

Sarah shrugged, " I am now...with all these other tests they do, all routine but it makes me think..." she turned and faced him, " I'm SO glad you decided to do this WITH me...mum and dad are STILL really peeved off with yah..."

Jackson hesitated at first, but put his hand into Sarah's, " well, AS EVERYONE WAS telling me...it's my baby too...and I should have a say on what goes on with it..."

Sarah smiled as she looked about the waiting room, " Dad's ment to be setting up the spare room as a nursery, but with him getting weaker..."

Owen, Sarah's father WASN'T the man he was...a few weeks ago he had been diagnosed with stomach cancer, and too late to treat...Jackson had vowed to support his girlfriend over that...HE HAD TOO...it was his duty...well, that's what everyone expected of him.

Jackson raised his eyes to meet hers, " well...I'M quite handy with a brush, I can do it if you want...", Sarah was so pleased, she smiled, " oh Jackson will yah!..."

Jackson shrugged his shoulders, " IT'S MY KID TOO...it should be UP to me to do it anyway..."

The midwife came through with her notes, " Sarah Jones...", Sarah stood up, Jackson remained sat, so Sarah turned, holding out her hand, " come in with me...COME and see it on the screen..."

Jackson wasn't so sure he wanted to, but jumped up with a grin, " alright...if I must..."

It wasn't long before Jackson could hear his babys heartbeat...and see the shape on the monitor move around, as the midwife moved the camera around Sarah's growing bump, Jackson sat there next to her on the bed, his hand in hers...he was grinning like a loon...the first time the feeling had come to him...he really felt a connection to that thing on the screen...

The midwife turned away from the monitor, " do you want to know the sex of your baby..." she asked.

Sarah turned her head toward Jackson, he looked down at her...his eyes meeting hers...they both smiled at eachother, and both turned to the midwife with a yes!

"you are going to be having a baby boy..." the Midwife told.

Jackson was grinning like a loon again, and Sarah was happy...she'd hoped it was going to be a boy...she felt Jackson squeeze her hand as they both continued to stare at their baby on the screen...

It was 2 in the afternoon when they got back to Sarah's house, Sarah turned as she put the key into the lock, " come in...I'LL show you the nursery.." she said with a hopeful smile, Jackson hadn't show THIS much interest in her for ages...she wanted to make the most of it.

Jackson agreed, and followed her inside, where they headed up stairs to the spare room, on entering the room, Jackson's gaze focused onto the half painted walls, and a cot that was still in it's flat pack, Sarah waved her arms about her and twirled around, " SEE...all work has ground to a halt!"

Jackson sighted the paint and brushes, then scanned what walls needed seeing to, he smiled at her, digging his hands into his pockets, " shouldn't take ME long...I'll get cracking on it this weekend if you like..." he suggested.

Sarah smiled at him as she rubbed her bump, " thanks Jackson...what about the...errr..." she looked down toward the flatpack, " Craig said he might have a go but he's NOT that good at DIY"

Jackson shook his head, and rolled his tongue around the inside of his bottom lip, " well, it's a GOOD JOB I am then...leave it to me..."

Sheila was then in the doorway, " oh it's you...what's going on...", Sarah turned, " Jackson's getting it all sorted out mum...by Monday we'll be all done in here..."

Sheila nodded, "Good..." she then eyeballed her daughter, " I SEE what's gone on now, HE went for the scan with you..."

Jackson glared at her, " it's ALRIGHT NOT to thank mah, you know" he told with some sarcasm, Sheila got the message, " I'm grateful...I am...and i'll make you a brew to show yah..." she hurried off, leaving Jackson and Sarah to survey the room.

Jackson went over to the window and looked out to the garden, then he turned and said, "We could get married if you like...", Sarah snapped her head round, Jackson wasn't even looking at her, his brown eyes were focusing on ANYTHING but...

"you ARE joking..." she asked.

Jackson shrugged as he bent down to pulled the cot out from the flatpack box, "JUST an idea..."

Sarah thinly smiled, " well...IF THAT'S the style of perposal I'm to expect...then no I DON'T think it's a good idea..."

Jackson raised his eye browes and looked up, " AS I just said...it were only an idea...I'm not fussed!"

Sarah agreed, " lets just leave things how they are...and concentrate on the baby a..."

Jackson decided to stay for tea, although he had always thought Sheila an old bag, her cooking was actually on a scale that put his own mothers to shame.

Sheila watched Jackson tuck in from where she sat at the dining table opposite her, Sheila waved a fork in her direction, " come on you...eat up...do i have to keep reminding you..." she then stood up, and gathered up another plate from the stove, " i'll just go see if yah fathers up to eating..."

When Sheila was gone, Jackson looked up, " I can't believe how far low your dads got...it were only a few weeks back when he threatened to string me balls up!" he cried.

Sarah sadly nodded, as she moved a roast potato across the plate, " I know...I feel guilty about NOT spending much time with him...especially now with this going on..." she nodded her head down to herself, she was abit upset.

Jackson clearly could see, and stretched his hand over to her, " hey...DON'T...you'll get through it...you have no choice but to...once you've had him..."

Sarah and Jackson held their gaze until it was interrupted by Craig coming in through the back door, " hi ya guys!...mine keeping warm is it..."

Craig opened the oven, and collected his plate, and joined them at the table, Sarah turned to him, " You been with HIM again..."

Craig was salting his roast dinner and glanced up to her, " with Tony...yeah I stayed at his place last night..."

Jackson glanced at him, Craig caught it and smiled, " So glad you ARE allright about me...still haven't told the parents!"

Jackson swallowed a mouthful of his food, " I GATHERED!...then again, with the way yah dad is...suppose it's not the best time..."

Sarah turned, " Jackson...me and Craig were watching that Movie later...wanna join us..."

Craig raised his eyebrowes at him, " I've got plenty of beer in...", Jackson was shaking his head, " BRING it on then...I've nowt better to do tonight except maybe watching me parents tear chunks outta eachother..."

That evening Sheila had an early night, and let the youngsters watch the movie..., the end credits were up and rolling, and Jackson snoring away, Craig laughed out loud, " well...HE'S not into weepies then!"

Sarah laughed too, and jabbed Jackson in the ribs..." hey you!...it weren't THAT bad...", Jackson stretched his arms and yawned, " It's ALL right for you, but i've gotta get up early for work in the morning..."

Craig finished off his beer, " you still working on that site opposite bar west..." he asked, Jackson glanced at him, " yeah..."

Craig held the gaze, but Sarah had snatched back Jackson's attention, by putting her hand on his thigh, " WHY not sleep here tonight...it's closer to the high street then your place..."

Jackson looked at the clock on the mantel, it was nearly midnight, " good idea...I can borrow a some work stuff from a mate tomorrow..."

By 12.30 Sarah was lying on her bed, Jackson laid with her...she in her nightdress, him in his t shirt and boxers, the low light was on and they had chatted awhile...Jackson kept staring to the bump, Sarah had noticed, and took his hand...then she lifted her nightdress and placed his hand onto the bump, "I wanted to do that all day...but..." hesitated Jackson, Sarah smiled at him from where she lay, " I know...just wait until it starts kicking...that's when it's gonna get REALLY real"

Jackson leaned over and faced her, he hesitated at first...and then kissed her on the lips, "better get some shut eye if I'm ever to GET UP in the morning..."

And they both nodded off...

Until Jackson awoke wanting the loo, he'd had one too many beers while watching that excuse for a DVD earlier, he gently lifted his head and crawled out of bed, then went out into the hall to the bathroom.

Jackson had a wee, then flushed the toilet...he then came out the bathroom...coming face to face with Craig on the dim lit landing, Craig standing there in nothing but his tight boxers.

There was an awkward silence...before Craig whispered, " you like what you see..."

Jackson frowned at him, " I don't know what you mean mate"

Craig smirked at him, then moved into the bathroom, " I think you do..."

Jackson watched the door shut and stood there facing Sarah's bedroom, mouth open and eyes trying to watch behind him...he reached for the door handle...

Craig meanwhile flushed the toilet, and came out into the hall...the landing was empty of Jackson...he sighed alittle disappointed...and went back to his room.

On entering he closed the door and turned to see Jackson sitting on his bed.

Craig paused...a little taken aback...he liked teasing Jackson but...

Jackson looked up at him...his breathing was heavy showing how nervous he was.

Craig swallowed and went to sit beside him, " what do you want..." he whispered, Jackson stared at him in the dim lighting, then his eyes lowered toward Craigs crotch.

Craig smiled, " I knew it...", it excited him too...he very slowly and with hesitation, put his hand on Jackson's thigh...he then slowly raised it higher...Jackson's breathing getting faster, and before he knew it, Craig had undid the small button on his boxers and was forcing a hand inside, Jackson gasped as Craig gently rubbed him...before pulling it out...hard and erect...Jackson watched open mouthed as Craig began to toss him off, he closed his eyes and forced his head back...Craig's rythem got faster and faster...until he was about to explode...

And he did...all over Craig's hand...

Craig was grinning at him...

Jackson was coming to realise WHAT had happened...he lept up,and jumped to the door...he stared back briefly at Craig before disappearing out back to Sarah's room...

Craig was now feeling strange...

HAD that just happened...

Had he just wanked off his sisters boyfriend...

One thing he DID know was...at the breakfast table tomorrow they had to face eachother...and THAT could be very interesting in deed!

To be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 4

***warning*** NO AARON!

HOPE YOU LIKE! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!...last chapter for a while, i'm going into hospital on Saturday...and won't be let out to the following friday!...so all being well i'll be back then...Mark xx

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND REVIEW!...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

JULY 2005 continued from last chapter...

Jackson Walsh stared toward the window, Sarah was sleeping beside him, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night, or to be precise the early hours of the morning.

His brown eyes focused toward the early morning light, and he was aware he was getting an erection again...he thought about WHAT he did, and he was getting hard as a rock, he glanced down at himself, seeing the bulge in the constraits of his boxers.

"I can sort that out if you want..." said Sarah, Jackson rolled his head to see Sarah smiling at him, "If you want a handjob or...", her hand stretched out to his erection, and Jackson bolted out that bed like a bullet!

Sarah sat up, her smile faded, " but..."

Jackson began to pull on his jeans, he breathed ot a nervous chuckle, " anyway, I've gotta get to work...Ray wants me on site early, and I'm STILL very much the new boy!"

Sarah shook her head at him, she felt alittle disappointed...Jackson had been so tentative with her lately, and she hoped it would lead to...

"look, wait...I'll make yah some breakfast..." said Sarah, she got up and slipped on her dressing gown...Jackson nodded at her, as he pulled on his T shirt, " that sounds GOOD!...", Sarah went out onto the landing and into the bathroom, Jackson glanced across to Craig's bedroom, and then went down the stairs.

Sheila was cluttering around in the kitchen, as Jackson came through, "morning..." he said, Sheila turned to him, " oh, you stayed the night did yah...", Jackson sat at the breakfast bar, "yep!...Sarah IS my girlfriend...we boyfriends DO that sometimes..." he said in sarcasm.

Craig was standing at the doorway with a big smirk on his face, Jackson turned to see the lad was wearing a vest and shorts, Craig 'felt' Jackson's gaze on him, " just gonna get all hot and sweaty with an early morning run..."

Sheila had gathered a tray of breakfast up and frowned at her son, " Craig DO you have to, I'm just going to give you father some breakfast, I've got the Macmillan nurse coming round later, and a million and one things to do before then, so...IF you don't mind getting your OWN breakfast..."

Sheila trotted off with the tray, Jackson watched as Craig went to the fridge and poured himself a juice, " So...morning...HOW did you sleep...or did you..." he asked, then leaning in toward Jackson suggestively he smiled with a twinkle in his eye, " because I know I couldn't, with YOU on me mind all night..." he hissed.

Jackson raised his eyebrowes at him, always searching the door in case Sarah heard, " JUST forget about LAST night...I have!"

Craig shook his head, " you've got to be having me on...YOU were well up for it last night...but then again ALL guys like you are the same...", Jackson watched as Craig stepped into his trainers, " what do yah MEAN by that!" he hissed knotting his eyebrowes together.

"you guys...guys who lead straight lives, those who like to be in the closet with the rest of the hangers"

Jackson stood up, "look...about what happened...IT WON'T BE HAPPENING AGAIN..."

Craig was ready for is run, "WELL!...you are not denying it happened them...but keep telling yahself it won't ...YOU might even convince yourself...IT'LL happen again...JUST you see", and with a wink, he then was out the back door.

Jackson slumped to the stool, just as Sarah came in, " sorry!...I got side tracked with mum feeding dad...was it a fry up you wanted...I don't mind making you one..."

Jackson looked up...he just stared at her with sad eyes, Sarah came forward, "hey what's up", Jackson rubbed his hand across his face and stood, "look...I'm gonna HAVE to go...I'll text yah about coming by to paint that room at the weekend"

Sarah shook her head as she watched Jackson move to the hallway to put on his trainers, she followed him through, " don't WE even get a kiss..."

Jackson finished lacing up his trainers, and stood up...he smiled at her, meeting her gaze, her face moving up to meet his mouth, but he instead kissed her on the cheek, then he kissed his own fingers and placed it on her bump...and was gone, Sarah thought they were getting close again...especially since the babys scan yesterday...why was he distant again...Jackson walsh really confused her at times...

It was nearing midday when Jackson stopped work, the day had stared off cloudy, but now the sun was beating down on them...a hot and sultry sun.

Jackson climbed off from the scaffolding, and removed his hard hat and T shirt, he felt like catching some rays.

Just as he headed toward the street, his builder mate Robbie turned, " hey Walshy...YAH mammy's here..." he teased, Jackson glanced up in the brightness to see Hazel waving at him, Jackson pulled a face and pushed forward, " MUM...WHAT are you doing here..."

Hazel picked out a package wrapped in tinfoil from her shopping bag, " you never came home last night love...I MADE these for yah...so SEEING SINCE you didn't come home...I thought I'd bring them to yah..."

Jackson snatched the package off her, as he noticed his mates snigger at the corner of his eye, " YEAH ALRIGHT Mum, I can LOOK after meself you know, you don't have to be going making me sarnies you know!"

Hazel smiled at him...Jackson was half opening the tinfoil, and looked up at her, THAT smile was a knowing smile, "WHAT" he asked.

"YOU'RE a cheeky little monkey, arn't yah!..." Jackson ignored the sniggering "..Sarah rang me...LOOKS like I can start to take up that knitting again...now I know" she said, full of excitment, Jackson just KNEW what this ment, " Ohhhh, SHE told yah DIDN'T she..." he whined.

"yep...BUT why didn't you tell me YOU went with her..." she said, she then crasped her hands together, " ohhhhh, Jackson!...a little baby boy!...it's going to take after you, I JUST KNOW IT!...oooohhhhh...WHY didn't you TELL me you went with her for the scan!"

Jackson looked at his sarnies, his appetite suddenly left him...but he hid it, and looked up, "hey...don't be going knitting anything like you knitted me...poor thing will be done up like a cooked chicken..."

"Ohhhhh stop spoiling things...I just want to prepare for my lovely little grandson, that's all...WELL...I can't stop here and chat allday...need to be getting to that wool shop..." she looked up and down in both directions, " IF I can remember where the wool shop was...whatamalike!"

"well IF you go now...you MIGHT have something knitted by the times it's 5!" Jackson shot in sarcasm, he didn't WANT his mum to know about the scan...IT JUST GOT HER HOPES UP TOO MUCH.

Jackson watched her head up the street, he looked back down at his sarnies, then glanced up to Bar West across the street...he then pulled his mobile out from his jeans, he scrolled the names till he came to who he wanted, he put the phone to his ear, " is that you Joe...it's me...it's Jackson...yeah I know it's been a while but...can we meet up...please..."

Jackson met Joe after he finished work for the day on site, they met at a cafe up the high street.

Joe saw Jackson from the window, as he crossed the road, and watched him come inside the cafe, "SO...I give you me number...and tell yah, you can call me anytime...HOW long ago was that..." cried Joe.

Jackson sat at the table, " sorry mate...it's just I've had alot on...INFACT...i've sorta MESSED UP big time!"

Joe glanced up at him, "and you want me, to LEND you my ear...what's it worth, I wonder"

Jackson gave me his best cheeky grin, " I'll stand you a coffee...AND a sticky bun..."

At home, Jerry came through the front door, to see Hazel in the lounge admiring what she'd been and got, he gaped about the sofa, at the horde of baby grows and mini hoodies in all sorts of colours and designs, " WHAT the hell have you gone and done..." he barked at her.

Hazel turned her head...she was determined NOT to have the smile wiped off from her face, "I was going to buy some wool...but couldn't find the shop...so...I just went abit over the top in mothercare, instead..."

Jerry glared at the baby clothes, and then forced an even bigger glare at her, "WHAT the hell for!...YOU do know that Jackson might not want ANYTHING owt to do with it, when it's born!"

Hazel came forward " noooo...I saw him today, he went with Sarah to the scan...SHE told me herself this morning...AND he's going to go round and decorate the spare room round her Mums!"

Jerry shook his head, " and you've GONE and bought all this in...JUST because he's proberly doing what HE thinks he should do..."

Hazel's smile finally faded, " ohhhh JERRRY!...why do you ALWAYS have to go and look on the black side...OUR boy WANTS to be part of HIS boy's life..."

This grabbed Jerry's attention, " boy...THEY know the sex"

Hazel was smiling again, as she began to pack up the baby stuff into a bag, "Sarah told me the midwife asked them...and she told 'em...OHHH Jerry...we are going to have a lovely little grandson!"

Jerry managed to muster up a thin smile, but he wasn't so sure if Jackson was really ready for all this...one minute his heads messed up, the next he's play happy family's...he watched as Hazel started to sing to herself, he hated to disappoint her...even though the singing made it tempting...but HE was having words with Jackson when he got in...all this seemed alittle too quick for his liking...

At the cafe, Joe sat back in his seat, Jackson had just explained things to him...Joe had cottoned on quickly that Jackson's life was complicated...and now understood.

"So...let me get this straight...you have a girlfriend...and she is pregnant...yet her brother knows you are gay..."

Jackson lowered his gaze, it sounded too real when someone else said it...but he knew he HAD to face up to it, " it were the lad who spoke to us that night...Craig...he's me girl's brother"

Joe leaned forward and finished his coffee, " blimey...no wonder you freaked out that night...but...I COVERED for yah...he thinks you were there with me...for support like"

Jackson shook his head slowly, he stared into his coffee, " I...I sorta..."he looked up at Joe...meeting his gaze, " me...and him...we..."

Joe realised what Jackson was trying to say..."WHAT!...blimey you and him...when...where...", Jackson raised his eyebrowes, " LAST night...and over at their place...at their parents place"

Joe shook his head at him, " you REALLY are playing dodgy there mate...WHAT if Sarah saw yah...look, YOU really are gonna have to be honest with her..."

Jackson sat back again, and waved out his hand, " I wanted to be...but now...with the baby and that...it's just NOT going to be that easy is it..."

Joe disagreed, " IT IS!...BE honest...you'll just be go digging yah self a bigger hole otherwise...and soon, you won't be able to crawl out of it..."

Joe's words turned over again and again in his mind, as Jackson came through the back door...and the first thing he saw was his dad leaning on the counter, "Dad!...what are you doing skulking around in here...you're usually down at the pub..."

Jerry looked up at his son, as Jackson removed his trainers, " I stayed in...I thought that YOU and ME could do with a bit of a chat, don't you"

Jackson went to the stove and pulled out his tea, " oh yeah...what about..."

Jerry watched him sit at the table with his meal, " YOUR Mum told me...about you going with that girl of yours to the hospital..."

Jackson chewed a mouthful, and shrugged up at him, " yeah so...what's it to you", Jerry sat down and looked at him, " look son...WHEN we spoke about this over that pint, YOU said that it was all messing with yah head...and now...I come home and kind that DAFT mother of yours buying up baby clothes...because YOU have had a change of heart"

Jackson shook his head, " yeah...I CAN change me mind can't I...I just WANT to do the right thing...we BOTH do"

"and IS IT what you want...I just want you to be happy son" told Jerry.

Jackson swallowed a mouthful, and grinned, " I can't be happier about it...I'm gonna have a son dad...MY SON...and when I saw it on that scanner...it was moving around...a new life that we've made...it were amazing!"

Jerry surprized Jackson, when he placed his hand on his arm,realising Jackson seemed really sincere about things, " I'm PROUD of you son..."

Jackson glanced up at him...he felt bad now, but hid that behind a smile, "thanks for that...look just go for yah pint..."

Jerry stood up, " we can go together if you like...your mums out at that after school art tutor mahlarky, she 's been going on about"

Jackson shook his head at him, " nah you're alright, I'll just grab meself a bath and hit the sack...got an early start tomorrow"

Jerry pulled on his jacket, and picked up his keys, " alright son, but you know where I am...", he then disappeared into the hall leaving Jackson to finish eating his tea.

Instead of a bath, Jackson decided to have a quick shower...he came back into his bedroom with a towel around him, and noticed he had recieved a text from sarah, he smiled and made a call to her.

At Sarah's place, her mobile was on the kitchen table ringing...Craig came through from the lounge and noticed it, " SARAH YOU'VE GOTTA CALL!" he yelled.

"I'M IN THE BATH..." he heard her call back.

Craig picked up the phone...and glanced at the display...**JACKSON CALLING...**

He smiled, and closed the kitchen door to shut out anyone who might come in, and answered it, "alright mate..."

Jackson was quite thrown when he heard Craig's voice, " errrr...is Sarah there..."

"she's in the bath..." told Craig.

"oh...errrr...well, I'll call her in a while then..." informed Jackson.

"okay...but...don't you want to talk to me...I'm still feeling horny from last night..."

Jackson had the phone to his ear...his mouth open and not really knowing what to say, the pause was broken by Craig speaking up, "...are you still there..."

"yeah...look LAST NIGHT will never happen again...it can't" told Jackson, but he could feel himself getting aroused by the thinking about it...the sound of Craig's voice awakening him.

"look...it's YOUR loss...I'm going out anyway...Bar West...plenty of fun to be had there...see yah" and Craig was gone.

Jackson tossed the phone onto his bed, and looked down to the erection beneath his towel...he closed his eyes as the towel slipped away, and he touched himself...thinking about...

He snapped his neck round to look at his bedside clock...and made for some clean boxers from the drawer...

Craig stood at the bar...his pint next to him...the music blared out, and the dance floor was full of movers...the barman came forward, " can I get yah another...", Craig glanced at his watch, but was surprized to hear a voice say, " I'll buy yah that pint..."

Craig looked up to see Jackson standing there next to him at the bar, dressed in tight jeans and a figure hugging T shirt...the lad was nervous but was putting on a confident smile, Craig shook his head, a little taken aback "cheers..."

The barman did the drinks, and Jackson paid up, then picked up his pint...he took a sip and turned...waiting for a conversation to start...but what would they talk about...

Craig smiled at him, " are you...sure about this...I mean...I

Jackson swallowed nervously, " I like you...I think you know that...lets just see how things go...I DON'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS...you know what I'm trying to say to yah...", their eyes locked into one another...

Craig nodded...

He knew exactly what Jackson wanted...

and he was going to enjoy having him...

To be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 5

***warning*** NO AARON!

HI, HOPE YOU LIKE! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!, AND STILL LIKE ME TO CONTINUE!...Mark xx

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND REVIEW!...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

EARLY AUGUST 2005

"Happy birthday my lovely boy...!" cried Hazel, as she handed over the velvet red box to him, Jackson took it from her, and stared at it within his hands, eyes all equizitive, " Mum I hope you and Dad haven't gone MAD on me!"

Hazel, who sat on the sofa opposite him, laughed out loud, " ohhh don't you go spoiling it...YOU are only turn 18 ONCE, you know..."

Jerry agreed from where he stood in the door way, " your mothers right, just open it and wear it...", Jackson opened the box to see a chain inside...a and cross attached to it, he picked it out and put it on...the chain resting on his chest, "Mum I LOVE IT!...cheers for that!" he leaned down and kissed his mum's cheek, and she in turn stood up and practically hugged him to death, "ooooooh MY BABY all grown up..." she said with a tear in her eye.

Jerry waved out his arm to them, with a sigh " come on woman, give the boy a break...", he then faced his son, " so wanna take a trip to the local...I'll buy yah your first LEGAL pint"

Jackson nodded, as he put his birthday card up on the mantel with the others, " yeah smashing!...but only the one mind, i'm meeting up with Sarah later..."

Hazel put her hands together, " YOU should invite her round...I STILL haven't shown her all that baby stuff I bought her...", Jackson shrugged at her, " I'll ASK her...but I think HER mum has bought it stuff..."

Hazel put her tongue in her cheek, " SO, you're SAYING, that my stuff is not good enough then..."

Jerry nodded at her, " NO he isn't saying that...BUT SHE is the girl's mother...SHE has...well you know", Hazel shook her head at him, " NO JERRY!...I don't know...SHE has what exactly...MORE right over my grandson than me..."

Jackson sighed in dispair at them, " ohhhh, YOU twos are not gonna go arguing AGAIN are yah!"

Jerry picked up his keys from the armchair, and looked at him, " no we're not, I'm getting fed up with arguing...come on son, lets just go and grab that birthday pint, shall we..."

Later, Jackson and his dad sat in the local...Jerry supped his ale, and looked at Jackson...he was sitting there staring into his pint, " hey...YOU okay...you've been dead quiet since we got in...AND usually I can't get a word in,can I"

Jackson looked up at him, "yeah...I'm fine...it's just...", he hesitated, then pulled a smile, "I'm just thinking about Sarah...you know with her dad dying, and that.."

Jerry pulled out his wallet to get another round in, " how longs it been...have they had the funeral"

Jackson breathed out a sigh, and finished his beer, " it were last week...she's still quite down...I just don't know WHAT to say to her dad...", Jerry thinly smiled at him, " all you can do is BE THERE for her...and make sure that lass knows you are, as well..."

Jackson stood up, " speaking of which, I better go see her...THANKS for the drink dad...", Jerry nodded at him, and watched him go...he was really proud of Jackson, he had been there for Sarah all through her dads battle with cancer...Jackson would be a tonic for Sarah...and their baby...even after death, there should be some happier times ahead for them...

Later on, Jackson held up the shirt in his grasp, " is it alright, it's just I've hadn't had the chance to go and look for something properly...you know with me Dad dying...and the funeral and everything", worried Sarah.

Jackson flashed a grin, and planted a kiss on her lips, " I love it!...I couldn't have picked out one better if I tried!", Sarah smiled in relief, and took the chance to gentley take hold of the chain around his neck, "this must have set your parents back a fair bit", Jackson shrugged and looked into her eyes, " I hope not!...I did TELL them not to spent TOO MUCH on me..."

Sheila was then in the doorway to the lounge, " right, you fit girl...", Sarah turned and nodded at her mother, " yes!...just go wait outside in the car, will yah...", Sheila nodded and headed to the front door, Sarah turned back to Jackson...she had an apologetic look in her face, " I'M SO SORRY...this is your birthday, and here I am taking Mum out on a shopping trip for the baby..."

Jackson pulled her into his arms...although that was getting the ever more differcult because of the growing bump, " It's FINE!...I said, didn't I...anyway, your Mum needs cheering up after the funeral and that...IT MIGHT even do her some good" suggested Jackson.

Sarah smiled at him," you are SO good to me...we won't be long", Jackson tilted his head at her, " BE as long as you need too...I'll only be going painting that nursery upstairs...I've been putting it off for long enough...IT'S ABOUT TIME I cracked on with it!", he then held her close to him, " I'm NOT perfect you know..."

Sarah looked into his brown eyes, they seemed troubled, but she decided not to push it, "YOU are the most perfect bloke I know...so many of my friends have ended up with right losers...but you...you've always been different, a sensible head on yah shoulders!", Jackson managed a sweet smile for her, before the guilt hit him...but the guilt never lasted long, and he felt bad about it.

Sarah snatched up her handbag, that hung on the nearby chair, then kissed him, " look, I'll see yah later...don't work TOO HARD!" she teased, and went out side where her mother was waiting in the car.

Craig watched them drive off from where he stood having a ciggy, he then made his way inside, and heard Jackson up stairs in the nursery, making a start.

Jackson lifted off a lid to a pot of paint, and looked up, mouth open, " I thought you were out..." he told, Craig smirked at him, " what!...and not be here to give yah your birthday surprize..."

Jackson stood up, and looked back at him, " and what have you got mah...", Craig came forward, and launched himself onto Jackson, and kissed him passionately...after breaking away momenterily, Craig gasped, " I'm giving yah something better than some shirt, that's for sure!", he clasped hold of Jackson's hand, and pulled him into his bedroom, both their lips locked again, and Craig was eagerly stripping Jackson out of his T shirt.

Jackson forced Craig down on to the bed, and stared down at him...their gazes fixed to eachother...eyes on fire with lust...any guilt he had felt before, shamefully gone...Jackson then leaned in and kissed Craig more gently, as Craigs hand snaked a stretch toward the bedside unit drawer, where he was trying to snatch up a condom packet.

Jackson reached for it for him, and began to undo his jeans...Craig laid there on his back, watching the view...as Jackson was protecting himself up.

Craig was getting breathless...eager for him, to be IN HIM..." come yah naughty boy...come and get yah prezzie..." he teased with a lustful grin.

Craig arched back as Jackson went and removed Craig's jeans and boxers in one hit, then was leaning over him...brown eyes telling him how much HE wanted Craig...and then as Jackson thrust forward Craig gasped out...as an afternoon of birthday pleasure was about to be enjoyed!

After, both laid on their backs on the bed, staring toward the ceiling...both completely satisfied, Jackson rolled his head to face Craig, and raised his eyebrowes, " RIGHT!...better go and crack on with that decorating...it's not gonna do itself, is it!"

Craig raised his head from the pillow, and watched as Jackson jumped out of the bed and pulled on his boxers...Jackson turned around, and noted Craig's glum gaze, " WHAT'S with the face...WE'VE just had some fun haven't we..."

Craig shook his head, from where he lay, " yep...so we have...and now...as always...I get tossed aside, like some screwn up beer can...", Jackson frowned at him, as he pulled on his jeans, "WHAT!...come on Craig...YOU know the score between us..."

Craig leaned forward, " yeah I do...but sometimes I can't help...thinking...", he broke off, and looked the other way, Jackson put on his T shirt and pulled his eyebrowes together, "CRAIG!...stop it!...you know the score...WE BOTH DO...it HAS to be like this..."

Craig shook his head slowly, " I know...I do...it's just me being soft, sorry...it's just that...", he turned his head to Jackson, " when me dad died...I WAS UPSET TOO!...I NEEDED YOU TOO!...but SHE got it all...!"

Craig almost regretted that little outburst of emotion, THAT JUST WASN'T HIM, but over the weeks...he began to FEEL towards Jackson...and it had become the ever more harder to see him close to Sarah...he said he would NEVER get jealous...but now jealously seemed to dog him all the time now...but Jackson never seemed to notice...

Jackson held Craig's gaze for a few seconds, then forced his look away, "YOU KNOW...I need to be with Sarah...YOUR SISTER!...so lets not get all emotional...SHE needed me MORE..."

Craig shrugged off his emotional stance...he didn't want to ruin things..."yeah...whatever...she being a girl and everything...I understand...", Jackson shook his head, and walked out the bedroom, leaving craig feeling gutted that he had now gone, and ruined things between him and his sisters Boyfriend...but on looking up, he saw that Jackson had returned, and was leaning on the doorway, "look...let me AT LEAST give one wall a bit of a coat...then I'll let yah take me out for a pint..."

Craig smiled at him thinly, " are you sure you are ALRIGHT with that..."

Jackson grinned at him, " nowt wrong with MY girlfriend's brother buying me a birthday drink!, is there!"

Craig nodded, again Jackson always white washing THEIR relationship " yeah...course not...", but at the same time he thought, what IF Sarah knew what Jackson was really like...JUST FOR ONCE...SHE could feel like HE always felt...USED!

BUT HE COULDN'T DO THAT TO HER...AND DEEP DOWN HE NEVER WOULD...

Later on, Jackson and Craig hit Bar West...Sarah and Sheila were still having a good time in town, and Sarah had text to say they were going to be a fair bit longer.

At the bar, Jackson read the text and smiled, then turned to Craig who was watching him, "from HER is it..."

Jackson pulled him a face, as he pocketed the phone, " IF you MEAN yah sister...YES it is...PROBLEM with that, is there!", Craig shook his head, and supped his beer, " nah...no problem"

Craig glanced at the shirt Jackson was wearing...the one SHE had bought him...it was a little too big for Jackson...Craig liked things to be tight on Jackson...anything to show off that buff bod of his...after taking a sip of his pint, he headed off to the gents...Jackson stood at the bar, and watched him go...how did he get himself into this mess!...surely this situation couldn't go on, could it...he was deep in thought, when Joe came forward...he was out with two of his friends, " Jackson...!" he placed his hand on his shoulder, Jackson snapped his neck round, " alright Joe mate, fancy a game of pool, do yah!", Joe nodded, " Nah...me and some of the guys are gonna check out that new club across town...club2000 or something...come with us if you like..."

Jackson glanced up toward the direction of the gents...Joe shook his head in disappointment, " ohhhh you're STILL seeing that Craig arn't yah..."

Jackson felt awkward, and it showed clearly on his face, " don't...you'll make me feel bad..." he told.

Joe leaned in further to him, " YOU SHOULD feel bad...you are STILL seeing Sarah...and then SEEING her brother on the side..."

Jackson shrugged, trying to find something that WASN'T bad about it all, " I'm NOT the only bloke who'd be having their cake and eating it!"

Joe nodded at him, " YOU are playing with fire mate, and it's ALL gonna end badly...I JUST can see it happening...you say you'll having yah cake and all...I SAY you'll just plain greedy...OR stupid...DON'T say I never warned yah...", Joe then turned on his heel, and went to walk off, but Jackson stopped him, " hey, don't be like that...I DO FEEL BAD..." he said...and Joe could see there was sencerity in those big brown eyes, " I...I like Sarah...I want our baby...and I NEED to BE THERE for her...but..." he trailed off, and glanced away...

Joe sighed at him, " YOU really are gonna have to face facts Jackson...YOU either want one or the other...you can't have both...it's...well, it's just NOT fair on either of them, is it..." he then nodded towards his friends, " look I need to be get going to this new club...TEXT me if you wanna talk...", he then walked off...Jackson stared into his pint, then looked up to see Craig come back to his side, " so...do you fancy a game of pool then..." he asked.

Jackson glanced toward the pool table that looked busy, he then focused his uncertain gaze on him, " I'm sorry...about the WAY I treat yah...It's just I...", Craig put his fingers to Jackson's mouth, " don't...just don't say anything...let's just have a nice time yeah...it IS your birthday afterall", Jackson managed a smile for him, " yeah...why not"

Craig didn't beat Jackson at pool...nobody it seemed, could beat the champion pool player...even though many tried.

Craig leant on his poolstick as he watched Jackson hammer him again...he glanced over to the bar to see an Ex of his, Tony walk in.

Tony had spotted him and came over with his pint, " hey Craig...haven't seen you in a while mate!"

He leant in and kissed Craig on the cheek...a move Jackson had seen...and made him miss his shot.

Tony turned, " didn't know you were into pool" he frowned, " you certainly wasn't when you were with me, that's for sure...", Jackson came forward and placed his arm around Craig's waist, " well HE is with me...so if you don't mind mate...you MADE me miss my shot!" he told, eyebrowes knotted together.

Craig had to smile...Jackson was JEALOUS!...that was a first...with him anyway, usually he wouldn't batter an eyelid if he got chatting to another bloke.

Jackson WAS jealous...and it was a FIRST for him too...he'd heard about this Tony lad before from Sarah...and he felt feelings of slight jealousy, but this...he had NEVER felt like this when some lad was chatting to Sarah...it just NEVER seemed to bother him...well, not like this anyway.

Tony shrugged at Jackson, " sorry about that mate...", he turned his attention to Craig, "Text me...we'll meet up for a catch up sometime, yeah..."

Craig shook his head, and watched Tony walk away, back toward the bar, Jackson focused a suspicious glance to Craig, " and WHAT KINDA catch up will that be..."

Craig moved back toward the pool table to make his shot, " just a chat...PROBLEM with that...!" he said with a 'get back at you' smirk.

Jackson rolled his tongue around the inside of his mouth, and shook his head, " no, WHY should it be...", but it did, and Craig was gonna milk this as far as he could, " I'll expect we'll just meet up, and have a chat someplace...maybe go and check out that NEW place across the town..."

Jackson watched as Craig was potting one ball after the next, " and then,,,maybe go back to his place...", he glanced up to have a gander at Jackson's face, when he said it...jealous as anything!...even though he'd NEVER admit it to him, " so what...YOU get to see Sarah, and I get to see NO ONE...?"

Jackson swallowed down and came forward, " come on...I'll get you in another pint, EVEN though it's MY birthday..." he said, breaking into a smile, trying to smooth things over between them.

Craig nodded, and went to kiss him, when his mobile was ringing...reaching into his pocket, Craig pulled out the phone and saw: **MUM CALLING...**

Craig answered, moving into the corner, that gave NO letup in the loud music, " WHAT...SAY AGAIN...SARAH...SARAH'S WHAT...", Jackson snapped his head round at Sarah's mentioning, Craig was chatting...and kept looking his way...there was a sudden concern in Craig's facial expression.

After ending the call, Jackson grabbed him, "what was THAT all about...", Craig looked at him, not really knowing what to say.

"it's Sarah...she had a fall in the preiscent earlier..." he began, Jackson snatched his own mobile from inside his jeans, he'd SWITCHED it off!, " she's been rushed to hospital Jackson...

...Sarah has been rushed to Hospital..."

To be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 6

***warning*** NO AARON!

***advanced warning*** It's nearly time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes to follow in up coming chapters

HI, HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!...Mark xx...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

EARLY AUGUST 2005-Jackson's birthday, continued from the last chapter...

Craig had to smile...Jackson was JEALOUS!...that was a first...with him anyway, usually he wouldn't batter an eyelid if he got chatting to another bloke.

Jackson WAS jealous...and it was a FIRST for him too...he'd heard about this Tony lad before from Sarah...and he felt feelings of slight jealousy, but this...he had NEVER felt like this when some lad was chatting to Sarah...it just NEVER seemed to bother him...well, not like this anyway.

Tony shrugged at Jackson, " sorry about that mate...", he turned his attention to Craig, "Text me...we'll meet up for a catch up sometime, yeah..."

Craig shook his head, and watched Tony walk away, back toward the bar, Jackson focused a suspicious glance to Craig, " and WHAT KINDA catch up will that be..."

Craig moved back toward the pool table to make his shot, " just a chat...PROBLEM with that...!" he said with a 'get back at you' smirk.

Jackson rolled his tongue around the inside of his mouth, and shook his head, " no, WHY should it be...", but it did, and Craig was gonna milk this as far as he could, " I'll expect we'll just meet up, and have a chat someplace...maybe go and check out that NEW place across the town..."

Jackson watched as Craig was potting one ball after the next, " and then,,,maybe go back to his place...", he glanced up to have a gander at Jackson's face, when he said it...jealous as anything!...even though he'd NEVER admit it to him, " so what...YOU get to see Sarah, and I get to see NO ONE...?"

Jackson swallowed down and came forward, " come on...I'll get you in another pint, EVEN though it's MY birthday..." he said, breaking into a smile, trying to smooth things over between them.

Craig nodded, and went to kiss him, when his mobile was ringing...reaching into his pocket, Craig pulled out the phone and saw: **MUM CALLING...**

Craig answered, moving into the corner, that gave NO letup in the loud music, " WHAT...SAY AGAIN...SARAH...SARAH'S WHAT...", Jackson snapped his head round at Sarah's mentioning, Craig was chatting...and kept looking his way...there was a sudden concern in Craig's facial expression.

After ending the call, Jackson grabbed him, "what was THAT all about...", Craig looked at him, not really knowing what to say.

"it's Sarah...she had a fall in the precient earlier..." he began, Jackson snatched his own mobile from inside his jeans, he'd SWITCHED it off!, " she's been rushed to hospital Jackson...Sarah has been rushed to Hospital..."

Jackson and Craig got a taxi to the general, all the way in the cab, Jackson worried about what had happened to make Sarah fall...

Craig was worried too...it WAS his sister that had a fall, but he couldn't help wondering if THIS would change things between him and Jackson...especially now, when it seemed Jackson was starting to show somekind of effection to him.

At the back of the cab, Craig had tried to put his hand into Jackson's, but Jackson shot him an awful glance, and shoved his hand away...things didn't look good...or it MIGHT only be because they were in the back of a taxi.

At the hospital, Sheila was waiting in the A&E department...she didn't know how many times she had fretted and moved about the foyer, but there should have been a hole in the floor from all that pacing.

She looked up, about to give Craig another ring on her mobile, when she could see a taxi pull up outside near the ambulance bays...Jackson and Craig were jumping out, and paying the driver.

It was Jackson who was first through the sliding doors, " Sheila!...where IS she...what's happened to her!" he cried out urgently.

Sheila glared at him, " AND where have you been...I'VE tried calling you all afternoon!", Jackson wasn't in the mood with rowing with Sarah's mother,he just took in a deep breath, and asked her more calmly, " please...tell me WHERE she is..."

Craig was standing beside him, he glanced at Jackson noting how worried he looked...and mother was acting like a cow to him...Craig turned, " MUM...tell him, please...", the next few words stuck in his throat, " Sarah will WANT to see Jackson...she NEEDS him..."

Jackson glanced at him briefly, then Sheila shook her head and pointed her finger, "she's through there...but the doctor is with her"

Jackson ignored her, and bolted toward the curtain screen, and pulled it back...the female doctor had just finished her examination, and was alittle taken aback by his sudden entrance, Sarah, who laid back on the trolley smiled, "It's okay doctor, this is the baby's father..."

"ARE you alright...I was SO worried..." began Jackson looking directly passed the doctor toward Sarah.

The doctor looked up clutching her notes, " she is fine, just a little scare...and her blood pressure is slightly up...", she focused her gaze to Sarah, "I'll be back in a while, I'll just see what's happening about this ultrasound"

When the doctor had gone, Jackson pulled the curtain shut and went and took hold of Sarah's hand, " WHAT happened..." he asked, full of concern...his heart had been racing all the way to the hospital...but now, seeing she was at least okay, it made him feel better.

Sarah tried to play it down, " just something silly...me and Mum were in the precinct...and there were these hoodies behind us...kids really...they were fighting...one knocked into mum...and she went straight into me...sending me flying to the floor..."

Jackson felt the anger in him build...IF only he had been there with her, " I should have been with yah..." he said calmly...not even wanting to THINK about where he had been instead.

Sarah shook her head at him, " THERE was nothing you could have done...IT'S just one of them things..."

Jackson sat on the bed and looked down at her, " NO...I SHOULD have been with YOU...", Sheila then was poking her head around the curtain, " the doctor wants to do that ultra sound..."

Jackson glanced up to her, then back to Sarah, who could clearly see the worry suddenly appear on his face, "It's allright...it's routine...go and get yahself a coffee or something..." she suggested.

Jackson leaned into her, "but I don't want to leave you...", Sarah laughed at him, " Mum's here...just go get a coffee...I'll be right back..."

Sheila watched him go, and pulled the curtain across after him, she then approached her daughter, " did he SAY where he was then...WHY he wasn't answering his phone...", Sarah shook her head, annoyed at her, " LEAVE IT...IT'S his birthday...HE were out enjoying himself or something...or busy with the decorating..." she trailed off.

Sheila watched as the nursing staff came in for her, " okay...IF that's what you want to believe..."

From where Craig sat, he watched as Sarah was wheeled up the corridor with his mum in toe, he then saw Jackson standing there, hands to his face...he was so full of concern...Craig stood up...Jackson glanced over at him...his face blank of any kind of emotion...then went into the gents behind him.

Craig decided to follow him, and bolted in after him...Jackson was standing at the sink staring at his own reflection in the mirror, Craig swallowed nervously before asking, "is she alright...is the baby..."

Jackson looked at him through the mirror, " yeah, she's fine, NO THANKS to us...I SHOULD have been there for her today...but instead I was messing around with...", Craig was sure he briefly saw a look of regret in Jackson's expression.

"MESSING around with me...is that what you were about to say, was it"

Jackson bit his bottom lip, and slowly turned his head, lifting his eyes to meet Craig's, "yeah...MAYBE it was WHAT I were going to say..."

He stepped forward a stride, " Craig...I CAN'T DO this anymore...I'm sorry...but I'm not about to start lying to yah mate, what's happened today is a wake up call for me...", Craig swallowed again, as Jackson stepped even nearer to him, " I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...but it's over Craig...you...and me...it's done"

Craig could feel the tears begin to well up, he began to shake his head, " but...it was a accident...she's gonna be fine...Jackson please...DON'T DO THIS...please"

Jackson could feel Craig's pain...he placed his hands on each of Craig's shoulders, " It's FOR the best...you'll see it's the right thing to do in the end...trust me"

Craig sniffed...his nose was running...he turned his back to Jackson, " but...I...have feelings for you"

Jackson smiled sadly at him, " you're find someone...some lad who will be able to give you SOOO much more than I can..."

"but YOU have feelings for ME...I saw it had the club Jackson...the look on your face when my Ex was chatting to me..." He cried.

But Jackson just kept shaking his head at him, "I'm sorry Craig...the last thing I want is to hurt you..."

Craig gave in to his emotion, and swung around, " GO TO HER THEN!...see if I CARE!..." Jackson held his gaze before Craig bolted out of the gents upset, Jackson gasped out...even though he had tried to resist it, he felt the pain too...but it just HAD to be this way...there was simply no other choice in the matter...Sarah and the baby JUST HAD TO come first...

Jackson headed up the corridor toward the exit, he was returning a missed call he had from his mum, " she's okay mum...NO PLEASE...DON'T COME DOWN...she'll be fine...I'll be home a bit late..." he blew out a chuckle, " nice way to spent me birthday!...that'll be right...I see you in a bit, bye mum...", he pocketed the phone, and looked up to see Sarah being wheeled back to the bay.

Craig was with them, he glanced up to Jackson briefly, then turned to his mum and sister, "I'll go get them coffee's...", he went off up the corridor, totally blanking Jackson.

Jackson shook his head to himself...if Craig was gonna act like a child, let him.

He snapped his neck round to Sheila, " Can me and HER have a few minutes please...", Sheila was about to protest, but seeing the look on Sarah's face, she knew it was mutural...they both wanted time alone together, " okay...I'll...", she faffed about with her handbag, "I go buy a magazine or something..."

Jackson pulled the curtain across and sat up close to Sarah, taking her hand...he then smiled at her, " so...is everything alright...you know..."

"the baby is fine..." she said, putting his mind at rest...Jackson rubbed his hand over the bump, " I've been such a div...I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE...", Sarah noted the troubled look on her boyfriends face, " Jackson...what IS IT...I've said...today has NOTHING to do with you...it's not your fault..."

Jackson blew out a nervous laugh, " you'd be surprized...", he then looked down to her, "I'm gonna be a better boyfriend to yah...I will I promise...I'm SO SORRY..."

Sarah really didn't know what Jackson was apologising for,but it was starting to trouble her, "WHAT'S got into you..."

Jackson was scared of how close he was to admitting EVERYTHING to her...a full confession.

But the people it would hurt...he just couldn't...so he smiled at her, and stroked her forehead, "nothing...take no notice...it's just the shook I'd expect...with you being in here"

Craig had the two cartons of hot coffee in his grasp, as he neared the cubicle and heard Jackson speaking, " i'm gonna quit being a div, and get me act together...and I'm not gonna let ANYONE be telling me otherwise...this baby will be a new beginning for us...", the next bit made Craig's heart fall, " who knows...I MIGHT even let yah endure another one of me embarrassing perposals, and get down on a bended knee...!" he laughed.

Craig felt the lump rise in his throat...was that what HE was gonna get...a lifetime of watching his sister WITH the man he loved...because he had...he had falling in love with Jackson...and he was hurting like something like he had NEVER experianced in his life...

He swore to himself THIS would only be a little bit of fun...it was his motto anyway...treat them mean, don't get kean.

THEY had both known the score...boy, Jackson had reminded him on MORE than one accasion.

He placed the two coffees down on a nearby shelf, and turned around to go...Sheila spotted him, as she came back down the corridor with her magazine's, "WHERE are you going...", Craig wiped his eyes and turned, " she's still with Jackson...look there's yah coffees...I'm...I'm going for a smoke..."

Sheila watched her son leave up the corridor, wondering WHY he seemed so upset...Sarah was gonna be fine...so it couldn't be that surely.

Jackson had just planted a kiss on Sarah's lips, as Sheila came back through the curtain, "sorry I was so long, the que in the shop was out the door..."

Jackson raised his eyebrowes on seeing the mags, " anything good you got there...don't want me girl getting TOO bored in here...", Sarah looked up, eyes wide, " HEY!...I'm going home...I'm not staying in this place to the baby comes..."

Sheila shrugged, " well...lets just see what that doctor has to say first, shall we...anyway, WHAT'S got into yah brother..."

Sarah looked up to her somewhat puzzled, " HE'S ment to be getting those coffee's, WHAT'S taking him so long...", Jackson glanced to the floor as she spoke...he couldn't look at her, fearing his face would reveal what he had done.

"he looked upset!...my first thought was you...but you are gonna be fine...so what's got into him, GOD knows...your father always said he were an odd one to work out..." mused Sheila sadly.

Jackson squeezed Sarah's hand...but at the same time couldn't help feeling bad about Craig...the guy was upset over him...he had upset him...he had hurt him...the last thing he wanted in all of this was someone feeling hurt and used.

Jackson had left Sheila and Sarah together...he had told them he wanted to get some air.

Coming out from the A and E's foyer, he spotted Craig with a ciggy in one hand, and his mobile in the other, digging his hands into his pockets he strolled over to him, Craig looked up, and turned his back on him, " hey Craig...don't be like that..."

Craig couldn't believe what he had just heard, " what...Jackson YOU dumped me...and you expect me to be best buddies with yah...sorry pal, that's not for me..."

Jackson focused his gaze onto the mobile in Craig's hand, " who are you texting..."

Craig laughed out loud...the cheek of him asking!, he turned, " what's it to you!"

Jackson stared at him, then forced away his gaze, " nowt...it's YOUR life...you can do what you want..."

Craig stubbed out his ciggy with his shoe, " exactly...so if you don't mind...I'm gonna go SEE me sister...then GO and meet Tony for that catch up...", he pushed passed Jackson to head back inside, but Jackson stopped him by grabbing hold of his arm, " hey, DON'T be like that...Craig...I DO CARE...I DO CARE FOR YAH..."

Craig stared into Jackson's brown eyes for a moment, but tore himself away, " JUST...go and play happy family's with my sister...IT'S clearly what you want...from now on...YOU have your life...and I'll have mine...", and Jackson could do nothing more, then to watch on, as Craig disappeared back into the hospital.

Jackson was confused, he WANTED Craig so much...but their relationship, if exposed, would cause SO MUCH heartbreak...and he couldn't face that...even if it ment losing the lad he loved...

Because he had fallen for Craig in a big way...but to come clean to Sarah would be a nightmare...the shock could even make her lose the baby...

He suddenly felt trapped...he had felt trapped before, lying there at night, when it was dark and still...with dreams of a future with Sarah...and then more dreams of him having rampant sex with Craig.

He knew what dreams made him smile the most.

A life with Craig would be good, exciting...but the COST for that excitement, TOO MUCH..

But one thing was for sure...he REALLY didn't know how he was gonna feel seeing Craig with someone else...

If that was a test for him...then only time would tell...

To be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 7

***warning*** NO AARON!

***advanced warning*** It's nearly time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes to follow in up coming chapters

HI, HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!...Mark xx...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!

LATE AUGUST 2005

Jackson Walsh came out the pub with a group of his builder work mates, the street was damp from the heavy drizzle, " That bird was so INTO you Andy...you should have took it home!" told Tim.

Andy pulled his hoodie round him, " WHAT!...that was dog rough mate!...I've seen better breeds in the kennels!"

"SHEEE was certainly built like one" agreed Wayne, it was Wayne who turned to Jackson who was unusually quiet, "int' that right Jackson"

Jackson was preoccupied, but nodded at him, raising his eyebrowes, " yeah, BUILT like a bulldog, Mate!",

They came to the corner, where Andy turned around to face Jackson, " so are yah coming out tomorrow with us...first rounds on Wayne...", Jackson smiled, there was always banter between Andy and Wayne, " maybe..." he finally answered, suddenly noticing that Bar West was only across the street, ahead of them.

"awwwwww, told yah that the missus has you under the thumb mate, especially with that sprog on the way..." cried Tim in jest.

Jackson shook his head at him, "NO, she hasn't actually...I DO WHAT'LL WANT!"

Tim was holding his hands up to him, backing off, " alright, alright, keep yah hair on, I were only messing with yah mate!"

Jackson realised he was over reacting, and backed off himself, " nah...it's me...too many early mornings...", Andy laughed out loud at that remark, " and there will be alot MORE of them when the sprog arrives!"

Jackson smiled, even though he didn't feel like it, because he had spotted Joe coming up the street, the lad was busy chatting to one of his mates to notice Jackson, but he also failed to notice Jackson's burly mates blocking the pavement, Joe bumped right into Andy, the most hot headed of them all.

"HEY!, watch where you're going you PILLICK!" he cried, Joe held up his hands to him, " sorry mate, I didn't see you there..."

Andy was about to let the matter drop, when Joe's mate opened his mouth...big mistake...Jackson cringed...the lad was camp as christmas, " ees not even hada few yet!" he laughed.

Wayne laughed out loud, " pair of jessies!...bet you pair are heading to that club!", he pointed towards Bar West, Jackson stared toward the pavement, he really couldn't face looking up at Joe, but Joe had already clocked Jackson...but he never said owt..." we're going there yeah...problem with that..." told Joe, Jackson could clearly see Joe was winding up Andy, so he stepped in, " hey, lets not get into any trouble lads..."

Andy burst into laughter, " WHAT...with THIS fruitcake!...HE won't be causing any trouble, I can tell you that..."

Joe's friend looked very uncomfortable, Jackson manouvered himself so he was between him and Andy, " let them alone will yah...they're just out having some fun...like us..." he reasoned, glancing toward Joe briefly, Joe's eyes shot away from him.

Wayne stepped forward, " FUN!...bet it's a different kinda fun we know!...a lads!", Andy's voice became camp, as he became mimickly intimidating, " yeah, a QUEER kind of fun!", Jackson raised his hands, " look lads, lets get off yeah...big day tomorrow on site...up early and all that...", Tim glanced at his watch, " yeah...he's right...it's past 11, mate"

Andy glared at both Joe and his camp mate, then turned away to his own mates, " yeah, lucky for them...", Jackson stepped aside and let Joe and his mate pass, both avoided eye contact at first, but as Jackson started to work up the road with his mates, he glanced back to see Joe and his mate disappear into Bar West, Joe glanced around once...but his face clearly was bemused.

As an excuse to break away, Jackson bid goodnight to his mates, and made for the taxi rank, then as he stood with his hands in his pockets waiting for his mates to vanish down the street, he soon began to head his way back up in the opposite direction, toward Bar West.

Inside, Joe was at the bar with his mates, they had all just got their drinks in, as Jackson headed down the steps and into the club.

He scanned around him, until he spotted Joe and his mates in the nearest booth away from the bar, they were just settling in...Jackson swallowed nervously, before casually strolling up to them, Joe's camp mate was first to look up...the look on his face showed Jackson he was afraid of him...that he was gonna cause trouble, but, as Joe looked up, he immediately stood up and grabbed hold of Jackson's arm and pulled him into a corner.

"WHAT was that all about!" he cried angrily.

Jackson was shaking his head, " look...they were just messing with yah...I've come back to see if you are alright..."

Joe was quite offended by that, " why...because being gay makes me weak...and that I'd go and cower into a corner..."

Jackson shook his head at him, " course not...THAT'S NOT what I ment...", Joe backed off, "well it sounds like it to me...for YOUR information, I can look after me self"

Jackson glanced over toward Joe's mates in the booth, " your mate looked abit shaken...I wouldn't have let him get hurt you know..."

Joe started to back away, " look...WHY are you here...just go back to yah mates...YOU don't belong in here...", Jackson stopped Joe from leaving, " Joe...please...YOU KNOW what kinda mess I've got meself into...I'm really confused..."

Joe tried to sympathise with him, " look...Jackson, only YOU can decide what you want...I said I'll support you, and I will...but HAVE to do the right thing..."

Jackson shook his head, " yeah, I know...and I HAVE...I ended it with Craig...I'm gonna stand by Sarah and the baby...", there was 'a trying to please' with in his tone of voice, and Joe sighed, "but is THAT what you want...you MAY be doing the right thing in everybody elses eyes...but IS IT RIGHT for you..."

Jackson stared to the floor...his head spinning, Joe stepped forward, " Jackson...if you were to marry Sarah...or have a future together...will you be able to stay true to her...or will you wander...", he trailed off, Jackson knew exactly what he ment.

And Jackson thought about that on his way back to Sarah's house, he imagined himself married to Sarah, bringing up their boy...he would leave her at home to look after the child, and go to work...and he would work hard for them...then when it was time to clock off...he would have a few jars with a few mates...and then end up in Bar West...or someother club like it...or worse if he was desparate...he'd go out cruising for it...he shook his head to himself...the more he thought about it...the more he feared for the future.

Sarah has making herself a hot tea, when she heard the back door rap, she went over and peered through the frosted glass, she was relieved to see it was a Jackson shaped shadow at the door, on opening it Jackson pushed his way in, " didn't yah get me text" he said bluntly, Sarah pulled her phone out from her dressing gown pocket, " it's switched off...what's with the mood...SEEING SINCE YOU'VE just had a good night out with yah mates..."

Jackson leaned on the counter, he glanced up at her briefly, before focusing on the sink, "it weren't THAT good!"

Sarah stirred her tea, " well it's a social life...I'm 17 and I can't even get out the house...I was telling MOTHER earlier...as SOON AS THIS IS BORN..." she rubbed her bump as she spoke, "...I am heading back to college, I want to get some friends of me own..."

Jackson was staring to the sink in a trance...Sarah leaned in forward, " ARE you listening to me...or am I talking to meself..."

Jackson looked up at her...again Sarah could see the troubled 'look' deep in those brown pupils, " ARE you alright...you've been acting wield lately...especially since my fall...that was a couple of weeks back...I'm fine"

Jackson shook his head at her, and held up his arm...Sarah snuggled in, and Jackson rubbed the bump...he liked to do that, " I'm just...well...I'll be fine once it's born and safe..."

Sarah smiled up at him, " i'm still going to college though...I NEED a social life...Mum keeps wrapping me up in cotton wool after that fall, and there's Craig having the time of his life with his new fella..."

This news rocked Jackson...since he ended it with Craig a couple of weeks ago, they pretty much had been avoiding each other...Craig was always out, when Jackson came to the house...and Jackson had pretty much had stayed away from Bar west, except for tonight.

But the news made him want to know more, " he's gotta bloke has he..." trying to sound that he was only half interested, Sarah nodded, " yeeaahh...Kyle I think his name is...quite fit of what i've seen...", Jackson swallowed, the jealously seething through him, but Sarah took his expression for something else, " awwwww look at you...don't worry, he's not as fit as you..."

Jackson blew out a laugh, and kissed her on the lips, " well, that's not hard is it...", but as he held Sarah...he thought about Craig...with somebody else.

Jackson was still thinking about Craig as he got into bed, Sarah smiled at him as she reached to switch off the lamp, " remember we're starting them antenatal classes next week, so you'll have to get some time off work..."

Jackson stared to the ceiling, he shook his head, " yeah..." he sighed, not really interested in antenatal classes...he was MORE interested in finding out what Craig was doing with this new bloke of his.

When Sarah had fallen asleep, Jackson stared at her face...he, like most nights, was deep in thought about the future...but tonight, his thoughts were interrupted by a vehicle pulling up outside on the driveway.

Jackson could see headlights shine up at the window...and then go out.

He glanced toward Sarah, " are you still awake...", Sarah was quiet...so he very gently lifted his arm away, and rolled out form the duvet, then crept toward the window, glancing to Sarah to make sure she wasn't watching him, he then focused on the window, and looked through the blind, Craig was on the driveway talking to a bloke...they were laughing and joking with eachother, and there was some touching.

Jackson could feel his heart sink...this must be this Kyle that Sarah had gone on about earlier...Craig's new bloke.

Jackson backed away slightly, Craig was leading Kyle toward the house, Jackson came away from the window, and went to the the bedroom door, it was on ajar, so he could hear what was happening downstairs in the kitchen.

And that was alot of whispering, and low voices...that were getting louder, as they got closer.

Jackson was clear out of sight, when he heard Craig whispering to Kyle as they climbed the stairs, " shhhh, me Mum's asleep...so you better go early tomorrow before she wakes up , like..."

Kyle laughed, " I love it...its ADDS to the excitment...!"

Jackson looked over to Sarah sleeping in the bed, he felt bad...but he was feeling angry with her, if it wasn't for her it would be HIM sneaking around with Craig, not that Div he was with.

The jealously was building within him.

A while later, Jackson was bursting for the toilet, he used the bathroom, and as he came out...he could see the light still on in Craig's bedroom...the light was shining out from under the door...it flickered abit, maybe it was the TV.

The door suddenly opened, and his gaze fell onto Craig's...he was taken aback at seeing him, they had both avoided eachother for the last couple of weeks.

Craig glanced back behind him, and then closed the door, Jackson stood still, as Craig approached him...he was just wearing his boxers, and THAT sight was arousing Jackson, "what are you doing loitering around the landing..." Craig hissed, he was bemused.

Jackson shrugged his shoulders, trying to be casual " I...I just used the bathroom...soooooo..." he glanced over Craig's shoulder toward the door, " that's Kyle...Sarah said you were seeing...someguy" he said raising his eyebrowes...Craig detected some sarcasm in his tone about Kyle.

"what's it to you...Kyle's a GREAT bloke...bout time I had someone I can count on..."

Jackson swallowed nervously...he then stepped nearer to Craig, Craig stepped back, "ohhh nooo, you are NOT gonna be messing with my head...YOU said we were over so WE are over...YOU said find some new bloke who will give me MORE than you could...I did..." jibed Craig, although he was struggling with his words, as his gave in, and stared right into Jackson's brown eyes.

"AND is he...better than me, I mean..." inquired Jackson.

Craig wanted to say no...because everytime he was with Kyle, he wanted it to be Jackson...imagining himself WITH Jackson.

But, he shook his head...Jackson was gutted, " yeah, he is...MUCH better...best thing you did was call things off with us"

Jackson glanced down to the floor, then turned and went back to his Sarah's room, he felt choked up, he saw Sarah was still sound asleep...he went over and brushed his fingers across her cheek as she slept, then went to pull on his jeans...

Jackson had come home...he couldn't face lying next to Sarah in bed...not with HIM on his mind...HIM with some jerk he had picked up...someone who should be him.

He faffed about in the fridge when the kitchen light snapped on, " oh my gawd!...it's YOU...I thought he had burglars!"

Jackson turned around to see his mum in the doorway, dressing gown pulled round her, "nah you're alright, nobody's come to steal your latest masterpiece" he said sarcastically, then feeling bad, he said, "sorry to wake yah mum...go back to bed will yah..."

Hazel shook her head at him, " Jackson, it is past 2 in the morning!...what are you doing home this late...I thought you were staying around Sarah's tonight..."

Jackson bit his lip, he but his back to her, " I've got to work early on site tomorrow...she...she needs her sleep"

Hazel wasn't convinced by that, Jackson had been acting strange since his birthday, "Jackson...WHAT'S got into yah...somethings on yah mind..."

Jackson pushed past his mum, and made for the stairs, " It's nothing Mum, night...", Hazel switched off the kitchen light, and followed her son up the stairs, " Jackson...THERE IS something on yah mind...I KNOW you, remember...YOU know you can tell me anything...don't you"

Jackson paused and shook his head...still not facing her, " I know that Mum...but it's nothing...well..."

"look IF it's Sarah...SHE'S gonna be fine...she won't fall again you know..."

"It's NOT about Sarah...well not really..." Jackson closed his eyes, he really didn't want to do this...

"Then WHAT then..." asked Hazel shaking her head, " I not a mind reader you know...YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING LOVE!"

Jackson slowly turned his head, his eyebrowes farrowed, as he looked as if he was about to cry, "and IF I do...you will hate me...Dad'll hate me...YOU WILL ALL HATE ME..."

This shocked Hazel, she KNEW something was wrong...but this seemed deep!

"why would I hate you love, you're my lovely son...I'll NEVER hate you..." she reasoned.

"maybe not...but it's WHAT I'VE DONE that will make you hate me...because...because..." the tears streamed, "because sometimes I hate meself for what i'm doing..."

Jackson then ended the conversation, and went to his room closing the door behind him...as always, Hazel knew not to pry deeper...not tonight anyway...

Something was wrong...and WHAT it was, baffled her...WHAT could be so bad that he thought she might hate him...

She was detemined to get to the bottom of it...

But Jackson had to open up to her...and in time...she knew he would...

To be Continued...


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 8

***warning*** NO AARON!

***advanced warning*** It's nearly time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes to follow in up coming chapters

EARLY- SEPTEMBER 2005

"Jackson!...you were MENT to be breathing WITH ME, not staring out of the window!", whined Sarah, as they came out of the ante-natal class, " you were just as bad last week...but today, you weren't with it at all!"

Jackson rolled his eye's, the last place he wanted to spent a sunny afternoon was in some ante-natal class, but here he was, trying his best to look interested, but seeing how Sarah was reacting, he had clearly failed.

"I'll sorry, it's just it's such a nice day out, and we're stuck indoors...I LIKE being out doors remember...", told Jackson...it was a lame excuse, but it was better than nothing.

Sarah was first to step out in to the blazing late summer sun, " then it's a good job I said YES to that barbie then, isn't it..." she smiled.

Jackson was reaching into his jeans pocket for his key's to the car, " barbie, what barbie...WHOS barbie..."

Sarah laughed at him, " Craig's fellas barbie...Kyle whathisname...Craig mentioned it this morning to me...he said I could go, seeing i'm the one stuck indoors for days on end with this", she waved her hand over her bump, " don't look so worried!...I'm sure he wouldn't mind YOU going inall, but I better warn yah..."

Jackson was half listening, he was trying to take it all in...Kyles barbie...he'd have to see Craig WITH Kyle, he hated the thought of that, he laid his hand on the top of the car when they reached it.

"so...are you gonna unlock it or what..."

Jackson was running away with his thoughts again, he turned to Sarah blank faced, "what..."

Sarah pointed, as she held the arc of her back, " the car silly!...me backs killing me!"

Jackson unlocked the car and helped Sarah inside, then rounded to his side, and jumped in.

After turning the engine, and setting his seat belt, he snapped his neck round to Sarah, "hey, if yah backs killing yah, then the LAST place you will want to be is hanging around somebodies garden, I'll take yah home yeah..."

Sarah was annoyed with that, and she told him so, " HEY YOU!, I'm ALWAYS STUCK IN!...it's a gorgeous day out, and i quite fancy a barbie...I mean I know I can't drink, and be careful of what I eat, but it's an afternoon out to me..."

Jackson felt bad, of course Sarah deserved an afternoon out, even IF it ment HE had to watch Craig with someone else.

He turned to her, and placed his hand onto her knee, " look, take no notice of me, I'm just all babied out...sorry..."

Sarah blew out a laugh, " all babied out!...it's NOT even arrived yet, I hate to think what being all babied out will mean when he's born...it's only 6 weeks to go you know...less than that if he comes early..."

Jackson shook his head at her, "yeah, THANKS for reminding mah!", he sighed heavily and plastered on a smile for her, " look, take no notice,it's JUST how I'm feeling today...THIS WEEK EVEN, but I'll be okay next week, I promise...now this barbie...you said you had to warn me...warn me of what..."

Sarah looked at him blankly, "what..." then she remembered, " ohhhh...yeah...just that it will be full of gay men..."

Jackson shook his head at her, " so what!...I think I might of guessed that meself love, it's fine...I'm alright with your brother arn't I...I THINK I can stand to hang around with a bunch of fruits..."

Sarah smiled feeling relaxed, and looking forward to her afternoon out, but as Jackson manouvered the car out of the clinic's carpark, the palms to his hands began to sweat...and he disguised his fear with a silly grin...the fear of them gay men...those who might go to Bar West...and those who might recognise him...he was dreading it...but he couldn't think of a good enough excuse to get out of it, just now...he just had to grim and bear it...

Before going straight round to Kyle's place, Jackson managed to stall going there for a while longer...by heading home to change, Sarah watched him park outside on the curb outside his parents house, " but you look fine, WHY do you need to change for..."

Jackson looked at her as if she ought to know, " THESE are me work clothes...I want to look good...for the gay lads!" he tried to smile and make out that he was all jolly and looking forward to it...but spending LESS time there, was more the better for him!

Sarah got out, " well, I going in too...I need to use the loo again", Jackson shook his head in disbelief, " what AGAIN!...we stopped around the corner!", Sarah slammed the car door shut, "and I need to go again...blame him!" she smoothed her hand over the bump, Jackson locked up his dads car, and lead the way to the front door.

Hazel could see them approach from the lounge window, she put her hands together...Sarah rarely came around...and she was going to make the most of it.

As soon as Jackson had put the key in the lock, and opened the door, Hazel was all over them,like a rash " ohhhhh...have you brought her round for her tea!" she asked all excited, Jackson shook his head at her, " afraid not, it's JUST a pit stop mum...we're off to a barbie..."

Sarah turned with a smile, " just need to use your loo...", Hazel waved her hand towards the stairs, " use the bathroom, it's much nicer"

Sarah began to head to the kitchen, "I'll use the outside one out back, it's fine...", Hazel stopped her shaking her head, " nah, it's okay love, I INSIST...", Jackson waved out his arm, "MUM...if she wants to use the..."

Hazel was smiling at him, but still shaking her head, "no love...she can't, it's blocked again..."

Sarah pulled a face, Hazel turned to her, to explain, " do you know,I spent half my life out there unblocking that thing...WHY I ask me self...seeing since it's only the him and his father that use it... "

"MUM!...do you mind!" snapped Jackson, frowning at her,while Sarah was disappearing up the steps not wanting to hear anymore about the blocked toilet, Hazel changed the subject, "so...this barbie you're both off to...any room for a small one..." she offered, cheerfully.

Jackson widened his eyes at her, as he headed up the stairs, " what YOU...no Mum there'd be never any room for you..."

Hazel stuck her tongue out at him, as she watched him go up.

When Jackson had come back down the stairs in a fresh pair of combat shorts, and top, he saw his mum in the kitchen, " she STILL up there!" he asked her...

Hazel looked up from marking her schoolwork,, "I'm afraid so, love..."

Jackson picked up the car keys to his dads car, and leant on the counter watching her, " she's ALWAYS peeing her...she must've got outta bed 8 times last night..." he whinged.

Hazel raised her eyebrowes knowingly at him, " well SHE IS pregnant...blimey the amount of times YOU got me up in the night...AND it gets worse when it's born, believe me..."

Jackson tried not to think about that...it was so much responsibility to take on...was he ready for it...

"so...whose BBQ are you off to them, anyone I know" Hazel pryed, forcing him out of his thoughts, Jackson waved his arm out, " just a mate of Sarah's brothers" he answered, he fiddled around with his phone, while he waited.

Hazel smiled at him, "awwww the one whose, you know...that'll be nice..."

Jackson glanced up, and pulled a face at her, " ...she ONLY has one brother...and yes, he's gay...problem with that...", Jackson held her gaze...he was interested in her reaction, but Hazel waved her hand at him, " ohhhhh, you know what i mean...THEM gays are always a good laugh...you should have good time"

Sarah was upon them, she was all apologetic, " i'm SO sorry I was so long..."

Hazel stood up, " no need to apologise love, i've been there...so, have you and Jackson thought about any names yet..."

Jackson rolled his eyeballs, and headed toward the front door, " not yet, you fit"

Sarah turned to go, " he's been a bit narky and sarky all day...he says he's all babied out!"

Hazel chuckled at her, " well...he better get himself into it double quick...NOT LONG TO GO NOW..." she called out deliberately...wanting him to hear...Jackson closed his eyes and shook his head...he then blew out a heavy sigh, and went out the door with Sarah to get to this damned BBQ.

As Jackson parked up his dads car, he felt his stomach churn...and there was Sarah beside him all excited about everything.

Sarah led the way across the lawn to the front door, " hey I can smell that barbie from here" she cooed, taking his hand into hers...she was practically pulling him along.

Jackson raised his eyebrowes, as they waited for someone to unlock the wood gate, "yep...there's nothing like the woft of a barbie is there!" he told, trying to sound all chipper.

Some bloke, neither of them recognised let them in, but Sarah soon spotted Craig standing at the smokey BBQ, " Sarah!...glad you could make it...", he swallowed nervously at Jackson, his heart pounding...Jackson always made him feel funny, " Jackson...good to see you've taken the afternoon off work to bring me sis here..."

Jackson looked through him, " well...NOWT else on..."

Sarah laughed at him, " he'd taken the afternoon off anyway...we had those ante natal classes remember..."

Craig smiled, as he took in the info, " oh yeah...BET you loved that, a Jackson...all that heavy breathing..."

Jackson was looking around the garden, trying to see if there was anyone he recognised from Bar West...and was relieved there wasn't, " yep...I DID actually...", and he made the point of pulling Sarah toward him for a cuddle to show him, " WE are both looking forward to the birth of our boy..."

Craig could see the glint in Jackson's brown eyes...not over the impending birth of his son, but of how he felt for him, Jackson was trying to make him jealous...that he was HAPPY and CONTENT with Sarah...but Craig knew he wasn't...

For a brief moment, they gazed at each other, before someone interrupted them, " So!...this must be Sarah's boyfriend...at last me meet...", Jackson looked up to see Kyle holding out his hand, reluctantly Jackson shook it, " alright mate...you must be Karl...", but before Kyle could answer: "it's KYLE actually..." Craig told, stepping forward.

Jackson shrugged it off, " Karl, Kyle whatever...it's all the same to me", he then slapped his hands together, " right...SHOW me them burgers...I can eat a scabbie horse me!"

Sarah watched him help himself over at the BBQ, Jackson was acting weird...and she just couldn't put her finger on it...he did this sometimes, acting all confident...but it was a play act to hide something else...

As Jackson ate into his burger and salad, he glared toward Kyle...the prize prat was laughing and joking over with two camp types...Craig was STILL talking to Sarah...then he did the rounds before disappearing into the house...of course they were both stealing sneaky glances to eachother...when Sarah was not looking, Jackson focused his attention to Craig...and when Kyle was preoccupied, Craig would be looking back at him.

Jackson dug his hands into his shorts pockets...and made his way over the grass toward the back door.

Inside Craig was in the kitchen, helping himself to a couple of cans from the fridge, Jackson stepped in, and stood in the doorway staring at him, Craig shrugged, " what!"

"You...pretending you LIKE being with that div Kyle...when you actually want to be with..."

Craig butted in, " NO...don't say it..."

Jackson came forward "why...AND you think it's me whose good at play acting..."

Craig shook his head, " Jackson don't...leave it...as YOU said...me and you can not be...it's over"

Jackson held Craig's gaze, " then maybe you should quit listening to what I tell yah...I talk bollicks a lot of the time anyway..."

He stepped foward, and removed his hands from his pockets, " I made a mistake...I didn't mean to hurt yah...and I did..."

Craig didn't want to come across as weak, " yah you did...BUT i've moved on Jackson...I'm with Kyle now..."

Jackson pulled him a frown, and his tone came over all sarcastic " and you SOOOO want him, like you want me...", Craig felt his hand being taken into Jackson's...then, it seemed to end up upon the hardness of Jackson's cock through his shorts, " look at what you STILL do to mah..." he teased.

Craig felt himself become aroused too...his heart was racing, as Jackson's smiling eyes were looking deep into his own...he couldn't help himself...he slid his hand into the front of Jackson's shorts...he gasped in awe...he was so hard.

Craig swallowed nervously, as Jackson moved in for a kiss...and he met his lips...a slow warm kiss...a kiss he had missed SO MUCH!...as Jackson's tongue met his own.

The image in that kitchen of Craig being pressed against the wall, with one hand down Jackson's shorts...and their lips locked together full of passion...

An image watched by someone at the window...

To be Continued...


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 9

***warning*** NO AARON!

***advanced warning*** It's time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes the next couple of chapters.

Hope this is okay...feeling abit off colour, and my brains not working fully, I think it's my medication...hope you like anyhow, sorry for those who miss Aaron in this x

EARLY- SEPTEMBER 2005

Inside Craig was in the kitchen, helping himself to a couple of cans from the fridge, Jackson stepped in, and stood in the doorway staring at him, Craig shrugged, " what!"

"You...pretending you LIKE being with that div Kyle...when you actually want to be with..."

Craig butted in, " NO...don't say it..."

Jackson came forward "why...AND you think it's me whose good at play acting..."

Craig shook his head, " Jackson don't...leave it...as YOU said...me and you can not be...it's over"

Jackson held Craig's gaze, " then maybe you should quit listening to what I tell yah...I talk bollicks a lot of the time anyway..."

He stepped foward, and removed his hands from his pockets, " I made a mistake...I didn't mean to hurt yah...and I did..."

Craig didn't want to come across as weak, " yah you did...BUT i've moved on Jackson...I'm with Kyle now..."

Jackson pulled him a frown, and his tone came over all sarcastic " and you SOOOO want him, like you want me...", Craig felt his hand being taken into Jackson's...then, it seemed to end up upon the hardness of Jackson's cock through his shorts, " look at what you STILL do to mah..." he teased.

Craig felt himself become aroused too...his heart was racing, as Jackson's smiling eyes were looking deep into his own...he couldn't help himself...he slid his hand into the front of Jackson's shorts...he gasped in awe...he was so hard.

Craig swallowed nervously, as Jackson moved in for a kiss...and he met his lips...a slow warm kiss...a kiss he had missed SO MUCH!...as Jackson's tongue met his own.

The image in that kitchen of Craig being pressed against the wall, with one hand down Jackson's shorts...and their lips locked together full of passion...

An image watched by someone at the window...

And they watched as Jackson slipped his hand up Craig's T shirt, both getting lost in their passion for one another, before Craig was pulling away...he was gasping for air...but was reluctant to get back into it...all he saw was the shadow disappear from the kitchen window through the corner of his eye.

Jackson went to move in for another kiss, but Craig stopped him by placing both hands upon the builders chest, "no wait...NOT here Jackson...it's MAD this...anyone could walk in and catch us..."

Jackson was horny as hell...and it showed through his shorts, he stared into Craig's gaze and smiled at him, he felt reckless" who cares...I CARE about nowt at this moment...don't spoilt it!" he hissed, the lust was talking and Craig knew it.

Craig moved out from Jackson's grasp and made for the two cans on the side, "look, Freddie and John are waiting for their beers, they're gasping..."

Jackson rolled his eyes, and turned, " WHO CARES ABOUT THEM PAIR...just come back here will yah"

Craig swallowed, looking back to the window, "Kyle'll be wondering where I am..."

Jackson placed his hands upon his hips, and rolled his head to one side, " and WHEN did you care about WHAT he thinks...you are SOOO not into Kyle...that kiss told me that!"

Craig laughed at him in disbelief, " have you heard yahself...THIS can't happen Jackson, you were right about cooling things, about us, and WHY we couldn't carry on...it'll hurt TOO MANY folk...and it still could...", the shadow at the window was playing on his mind now.

Jackson waved his arms in the air in front of him, " and WHAT'S that supposed to mean!"

Craig bit his top lip, nearly too afraid to let the word escape his mouth...but he could see clearly by his face, that Jackson was impatiently waiting for his answer, " I...I think somebody saw us...just now...at the window like"

The news flew around Jackson's mind a few times, trying to process what Craig was telling him...someone had see them...

Jackson's heart was beginning to race, as he started to pace about the kitchen, " what...are you sure...when...where...", his words were blurting out from his mouth before he could even think to do so.

Craig turned, " from the window...I thought I saw a shadow move...", Jackson stopped his pacing, and snapped his head around, he didn't look too happy about that, " COULD of seen us...what...you don't know!"

Craig snatched up the cans from the kitchen counter, " oh here we go!...you NEVER change do yah, one minute you are ALL over me...and the next..."

Jackson frowned at him, " what do you expect from me..."

Craig had tears in his eyes, " and there was me getting lost with you again...believing that you might love me...the way I love you!"

Jackson forced his gaze to the floor, not wanting to hear that...the way Craig felt about him...it made him feel bad...even though it made him feel alive.

"I keep telling meself...telling meself that I'll wake up one day, and you would NOT be in my heart anymore...but you won't go away...WHY...", Jackson slowly looked up to meet his gaze again, " why do this to me EVERYTIME Jackson...do you get a kick out of hurting me...you know I TRY to resist you, keep yah at arms length...but, but when you..."

Freddie was popping his head around the back door behind them, and cut him off in mid flow " hey...WHAT'S keeping you with the beers man!...some of us are melting inthe heat out here..."

Jackson forced a grin upon his face, as he snapped his head up, " sorry mate!...blame me, I've kept him chatting in here!"

Craig was discreetly wiping away his tears, as he himself plastered on a smile, and turned around, holding up the two cans, " here you go...I'll be right out..." he chirped.

Freddie took the two cans, " good, I think Kyle's been missing you out here..."

When Freddie had gone, Craig turned to Jackson, " we better be showing ourselves out there...OR folk will talk..."

Jackson shook his head at him, knotting his browe" yeah...better not be keeping Kyle waiting, must we!"

Craig headed to the door, that was just what he was expecting, before opening it he turned, "see...you only care when I mention Kyle...get all jealous...but DEAL WITH IT!...I'm with him, not you...who cares how I feel...you don't", and with that, Craig was back out into the garden.

Jackson had his hands to his mouth, and gasped out...he shook his head at the situation, course he loved Craig back...but it had to be this way...and it was best Craig didn't know how he really felt about him...it would give him too much hope that'll he would leave Sarah...and that would never happen...he would never leave her...it would be so wrong.

Outside, Craig was staring into the hot coals of the Barbique, he was deep in thought...all thoughts on one man...Kyle was watching him closely from where he stood talking to a group of mates, Craig sensed his gaze...and looked up to him...on meeting his eye contact, Kyle never returned his smile...and it got his mind working, was it him...was it him who had seen them...IF someone had seen them, he still couldn't be 100 % sure.

Jackson had come out from the back door, and scanned the lawn for Sarah...there she was standing by the fense, she was rubbing her bump...and looked like she was about to drop...Jackson forced his hands into his pockets, and made his way over, and as he did, he sneakily stole a quick glance toward Craig at the barbique.

Sarah was watching them closely, through the corner of her eye...she saw that glance, and rubbed her hand over her cheek...she smiled at Jackson as he neared her.

" you alright love...you look knackered" he told.

Sarah took a sip of her glass of lemonade, " I'm am abit dead on me feet yeah...so, where did you disappear too"

Jackson shrugged his shoulders, " I were just...you know, helping your brother with the beers..."

Sarah shook her head had him, " oh, right...so, you feel okay then...surrounded by a loada screaming queens then...", she pushed.

Jackson blew out a nervous laugh, " what!...course I am...why would I NOT be...", Sarah sipped her lemonade again, " why indeed...quite a question that...but then again you ARE FULL of surprizes, arn't yah..."

Jackson pulled a face at her, " hey...what's THAT supposed to mean..."

Sarah didn't answer, she looked up to see Craig come over with Kyle, " you alright sis..."

Sarah put on a smile, " yeah...I'M fine...you fine Kyle...", Kyle who grasped his beer nodded, "yeah...I shouldn't be of after what I SAW!"

Jackson snapped up an instant worried glance toward Craig...but he was just smiling...all this was starting to do his head in now, had Craig seen anyone or was it just his imagination working overtime.

Kyle took a swig from the can, and pointed toward the bump, " you and Jackson thought about any names yet..."

Sarah raised her eyebrowes, " there's a few names i got for him...THAT'S for sure!", and she glared at Jackson, whilst she said it, "but since you've asked...I like Toby, HE likes Aaron"

Craig could sense some sort of tension between them...and Jackson felt it too.

Craig looked up to her, " look, you look tired...why don't you head off home...", Sarah met his glance, " Yeah...YOU would like that wouldn't you.." she said through gritted teeth.

Kyle turned from Craig, and back to Sarah , " hey, what's all this tension over...look, can I get you another lemonade or something..."

Sarah shook her head, "no thanks Kyle, thanks anyway..." she looked up to her boyfriend, "but Jackson's gonna be taking me home..."

When Jackson had driven Sarah off, Kyle faced his boyfriend, "so what was THAT all about...have they had a row..."

Craig shrugged his shoulders at him, " I don't know...maybe they have...", he looked at Kyle carefully, he was waving over to two of his mates, who were leaving the barbique, "are YOU alright...I mean...are WE alright..."

Kyle nodded at him, with a big smile, " course we are...why shouldn't we be"

"no reason..." answered Craig...but someone had seen him and Jackson in the kitchen, the more he thought about it, the more it was reality...but who was it...and then his face dropped at the thought of the tension between Sarah and them...he had an awful feeling dawning on him...

XxX

Jackson meanwhile, pulled the car up onto the driveway of Sarah's house. Sarah had been deadly silent throughout the short journey between Kyle's house, and her parents.

All sorts of thoughts ran through Jackson's mind...and soon as he had pulled up the handbrake, Sarah was unbelting herself, Jackson placed his hand upon her knee to stop her from getting out the car. " hey, are you alright...I mean...HAVE I done or said owt wrong..."

Sarah looked deep into his eyes, before blurting out, " I wanted everything to be perfect...but it's not is it..."

Jackson broke their gaze, and looked down to the steering wheel, " it will be..."

Sarah opened the car door, " no...I don't think it will..." she got out and slammed the door shut, Jackson jumped out himself, and caught up with her, " hey Sarah, wait up...have you...have you...", he swallowed...he couldn't get the words out...his worse fear...that it was HER who had seen him and Craig together in Kyle's kitchen.

Sarah paused, and turned around to him, " Jackson...just don't say aword...DON'T SAY IT...", she then hurried toward the front door...she only glanced back once, before disappearing inside, leaving Jackson's mind in turmoil...

He drove home, and on entering the kitchen, Hazel was dishing up Jerry's tea, " hello darling!...how was the barbie, I haven't made you anything...I expect you've had your fill over there...good was it..."

Jerry glanced up from his newspaper, " what...with all them fairies flouncing about...GIVE the lad a break!", he stood up and patted his son on the shoulder, "but I gotta give it to yah son...you're a braver man than me hanging around THAT LOT...anything to keep the missus happy a..." he laughed.

Jackson's focus was all over the kitchen, not wanting to looking at either of them...not really knowing what to say, Hazel was then in his face again, " mind you...I'm sure I could stretch this to three, IF you are still peckish, love"

Jackson waved out his arm at her, " nah...you're okay mum...I'm just gonna go to me room"

No sooner had Hazel put the plate in front of him, Jerry was cutting into the meat pudding, "are you SURE son...this is actually quite good for your mothers usual standards..." he said in jest.

Jackson hinted a smile...but he didn't feel like it, " fancy going for a pint, son...after me tea like..." asked Jerry.

Jackson shook his head at him, " nah you're okay dad...I'm just...tired...", he flinched at the excuse, Jerry blew out a sigh of amazement, " YOU took the afternoon off to go to that ante natal rubbish with that lass of yours...HOW can YOU be tired, "

Jackson closed his eyes, and moved out into the hall, he hadn't the energy to argue.

Jerry thumbed into the direction of the hall, " WHAT'S IT with him!...he blows HOT and COLD on a whim!...he gets THAT from you!"

Jackson went upstairs and into his room, after shutting out another arguement by closing the door, he sighed to himself and sat on the bed...his mobile jingled, and he pulled it out of his pocket: ** HOPE YOU R OK...TEXT ME YAH...C X**

Jackson through it aside, Craig really annoyed him now...why did he do it...why did that lad drive him insane with lust...WAS it love...he thought he did...

He laid back on his bed...his mind was mashed...and he didn't know WHAT to think, did Sarah know about him and Craig...but if she had known, then why didn't she say anything, he sighed out in dispair...his life was getting TOO complicated, how he wished he could come clean...

XxX

Sarah was not herself, and Sheila could sense that something was wrong, after coming back from the barbique, Sarah just went to her room, Sheila had tried to make small talk with her, but Sarah just stared at the portible TV in her room.

She had left it a while, but Sheila called on her again...on popping her head round the bedroom door, she could see tears in her daughters eyes.

" Sarah, love!", Sheila came in and sat on the bed, " somethings upset you today, and I want you to tell me what it's all about!"

Sarah felt the lump rise in her throat, " I...I can't" she whispered, the words feeling like they were stuck in her throat.

Sheila tilted her head, " but, bottling up won't help...was it the ante natal class, I knew I should have gone with you..."

Sarah shook her head, " it's nothing to do with the class mum, just leave me alone..."

Sheila stuck her tongue into her cheek, " then it's Jackson who has upset you, isn't it...WHAT'S he done now"

Sarah was shaken at his name, she tried to force it out...but she couldn't...it WASN'T Jackson's faught...he wasn't the...

Her brother was to blame...NOT Jackson.

Sarah turned her head to face her mum, " Mum...if I tell you...then it WILL be too real..."

And that's all she said, Sheila decided not to mither her, and let her be...but Sarah's ears pricked up, when she heard the front door close.

She faced her bedroom door to hear Craig's footsteps come up the steps...Sheila had left the door on ajar, so Craig could see she was in there, " hey sis...are you alright...you were acting abit strange earlier...like you and Jackson had a row, or somemit"

Sarah shook her head in disbelief, how could he just stand there and blatently lie to her, she REALLY didn't want to do this today, she was too tired, but Craig being in her face let her anger flow easier through her.

"no we never rowed...WE NEVER ROW...suppose you got to have feelings for someone to row with..." she supposed, not looking at him.

Craig felt awkward, " w-what do you mean...are you saying you have no feelings for Jackson or something...like you've gone off him"

Sarah looked up to him, " YOU would like that wouldn't you...because then you can have him to your..." the words seemed to flow freely until that point...she trailed off looking away.

But Craig's heart was racing...his stomach doing somersorts, SHE KNEW...SHE KNEW!

Craig quickly came into the bedroom, shutting out anyone who would listen to them,

"Sarah...look...it was you wasn't it...It was you who saw us..."

Sarah stared at him, " saw what...WHAT DID I see Craig..."

Craig shook his head, he couldn't say it out loud, not to her...

Sarah stood up from her bed, " was it the little scene of MY brother sticking his hands down MY boyfriends shorts...or was it that MY brother had his tongue down MY boyfriends throat..."

Xxx

Jackson thought about Sarah as he laid back on his bed.

He wondered whether he should text her...but he was afraid of WHAT she'd text back with.

There was a tap at the door...and Hazel stuck her head around with a big smile for him, " is it safe to come in..."

Jackson frowned at her, " SAFE!...what are you going on about now!", Hazel stepped in, "you earlier...you seemed like a bear with a sore head..."

Jackson shrugged, " no I wasn't ...just couldn't be arsed about having a pint with me dad"

"well, it's too late now...he left for the pub half hour ago..."

Jackson laughed, "yeah...and I wonder why...oh yeah, he's cleared off after ANOTHER arguement" he spat " I HATE it round here!"

Hazel was getting concerned for her son...he really wasn't himself lately...she had tried to get what's bothering him out of him before, but she had failed, but enough was enough.

"so...how did the ante natal classes go, today...alright was it"

Jackson shook his head, " yeah smashing!...JUST what I wanted to do on a sunny afternoon, go to some clinic and learn how to breath!" he told sarcastically.

Hazel sat on the end of the bed, " well, you haven't long now darling...that girl will want some support when she has it..."

"YEAH...JUST like you ALL keep reminding me of...I told Sarah that I'm ALL babied out...and I am!...I've had it UP TO HERE!" he touched his forehead, as he spat his words out..

Hazel stood, and came to his side, " Jackson!...what's got into you love!...WHAT'S going on in that brain of yours..."

Jackson couldn't help it...he burst into tears, " MUM...I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE...I CAN'T MUM, I CAN'T!"

Hazel became worried, she sat next to him on the bed and pulled his head to her bossom, "Jackson!, what's all this about!, you can't do what anymore!"

" I...I can't tell you!" he sobbed.

Hazel stroked his arm, " but YOU can tell me anything,,,you KNOW you can...you've always known you can"

Jackson shook his head, as Hazel felt the wet tears upon her arm, " but you might hate me..." he blubbered.

"I'll NEVER hate you...you're my beautiful boy!...why would I EVER want to hate you..."

Hazel hated seeing her son so upset...it made a lump of her own rise within her throat...WHAT could have happened to him, to make him behave like this...to be so upset.

Jackson didn't know HOW to say it, there seemed to be a never ending pause between them, so he just whispered it out, " I...I...", he swallowed hard to get the words out,..."I'm gay Mum..."

Hazel heard every word, but it was the very LAST thing she had been expecting...Jackson didn't look at her, his eyes just rolled toward the direction of the wall, " would you mind just running past that me again, love..." she asked, feeling abit silly for asking.

"I'm GAY mum..." he sobbed louder, now closing his eyes, and just waiting for her to freakout at him, or become upset herself, with the shock.

"yeah...I thought that's what you said" she said quietly, after another pause.

Jackson just laid there with his mum...both were silent for a few moments, both stuck for words, or even finding anything to break the ice with, but Hazel was first to break it,

"I should have KNOWN, shouldn't I...all them Chesney Hawkes posters on your wall...and playing that 'Girl's aloud' tape much too often..." she told, remembering back.

Jackson didn't respond to her, he just gazed out at the wall blank faced, although he had calmed down, as he realised his mum wasn't going to freakout at him...but his heart was still racing, after another pause, he rolled his head back to her, "mum...are you disappointed at me...me being gay"

Hazel smiled, and pulled his head closer, stroking his curls, " course I'm not, how could I ever be disappointed in my boy...", but she looked down at him more seriously, " look, tell me to shut up if you want to, but...you HAVE got a girlfriend...SHE is pregnant...are YOU SURE LOVE...I mean, maybe you are just confu...", she couldn't find the words she wanted to say, but Jackson shook his head at her, raising his eyebrowes...

"I KNOW mum...I've always KNOWN...I like Sarah, I like her alot...but I don't WANT HER like that..." he trailed off, raising his eyebrowes at her, but Hazel got the picture.

"I sorta knew that before...now I know more than ever...", he smiled at that comment before continuing, "...that path...with Sarah, it's not for me mum, it's just not" Jackson whispered to her.

Hazel sighed at him, " well, all I will say is... YOU DO pick your moments, love..."

"I'm sorry Mum..."

Jackson felt like a weight had been lifted, by telling her...but it was only for tonight...

" ...what...what about Sarah, she doesn't know, does she..." she turned to him, " you DO realise you are gonna break that girls heart, don't you..."

Jackson felt bad again, but managed to force out his true feelings. " I can't LIVE my life to please her...I've tried mum...I've reeaaallly tried...but..."

"I know love...and you were convincing too...I believed yah...so did yah father..." she added.

Jackson swallowed nervously at his mention, he looked up at her, "me dad!...he's not gonna take this very well is he...having a poofter for a son...another one of them fairies flouncing about!" he said, mimicking his father's earlier comment.

Hazel was fully aware of how her husband would feel about this upheavel...but she smoothed it over with a; "well, we're cross that bridge when we get to it...but I think you better tell that girl of yours first...you've got to be honest with her love..."

"yeah I know, but the THOUGHT of it mum...the thought of hurting her...", he really was beginning to realise how BIG this was...to all concerned.

"and you've got to think about that baby of yours...just because you're gay, doesn't mean you've got no rights, " she sung.

Jackson bit his bottom lip, "She'll proberly want me OUT of the picture when she knows, NOT want to see me again, and that's when I'll feel bad..." , he looked up to her, " about you...because she won't let you be apart of it's life, will she"

Hazel was thinking that herself, she loved her son to death, but this changed everything...Sarah wouldn't take this news lying down, she'll want to get back at him, for lying to her, anyone would, wouldn't they...

"mum...did you hear what I just said..." asked Jackson, interrupting her thoughts, Hazel plastered on a smile for him, " course I did...but we're see what happens first, when you tell her...as I've said, you have rights"

Hazel then moved away from him, and stood up, "now, I've got to go finish that marking...it's not going to finish itself, will it" she rambled, not looking at him.

Jackson sat up, "Mum...IT'S OKAY to be mad at me...I'M MAD at me...you don't have to hide how you feel from me..." he coaxed.

"this is just gonna take time to get used to, that's all" she told, " you know, get me head round things...but I'm fine Jackson...as long as YOU are happy..."

Jackson blew out a sigh, " I'm far from that mum...maybe one day I will be, but at the moment..." he shook his head, " I've never felt so miserable..."

Hazel made for the door, she needed time to think...and although she white washed it from her son, Jerry was gonna be a massive problem...he'll have a MASSIVE problem with Jackson.

Saying Jerry was not the most PC person on this planet, would be an under statement too far flung.

To be honest Jerry wouldn't except it at all...and Hazel knew it.

She turned to him, before opening the door, " look, try not to worry...we're get there, it might be a long road mind...you know, with everyone else getting their heads round it..."

"like me dad..."

"yeah him, and a few others no doubt...it'll be fine, you're see...we're be laughing about what all the fuss was about one day, won't we..."

Jackson just nodded at her, but his feelings on that matched his mothers...she didn't really know whether it would be fine.

And she went out into the corridor, and let the tears flow, the tears she had desparately held back, because even though she loved her son SO much...this news devastated her...

Jackson didn't know whether it would be either...but knowing his father...growing up with his fathers bigotted views...

...telling him would be like hell on earth...

To be Continued...


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 10

***warning*** NO AARON!

***advanced warning*** It's time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes the next couple of chapters, Jackson stated on screen that Aaron was lucky...that he was excepted when he came out... x

Thanks for the reviews, Sorry for the delay...still not 100%...even with the new medication!

EARLY- SEPTEMBER 2005-2 days after last chapter.

Hazel sat at the kitchen table, gazing into her coffee deep in thought, the same thing kept on running through her mind...her son...her ONLY SON telling her he was gay.

That first night, when Jackson had told her, she had never slept, she kept on going through what Jackson had told her, that whole conversation...she kept telling herself, why her son, why had her son turned out like that...had she been TOO over bearing with him as a child.

But as the next day turned into the next night, and Jackson failed to come home, she thought about him even more...she decided that Jackson wasn't camp...he was NO John Inman or Kenneth Williams!...infact he was the complete opposite, he wasn't effeminate in any way.

He had a 'mans' job, he was a builder...but then again wasn't there a builder in that song...YMCA...

Jackson had come home late the night before...she had heard him creep up the stairs...avoiding her and Jerry.

She hated to admit it...but it was abit of a relief really, if she was truely honest to herself, she didn't know what to say to him, that last conversation with him had been the last time they had spoken.

Her thoughts were suddenly broken...

"Any more tea in that pot..."

Hazel looked up briefly to see Jerry at the kitchen doorway, putting on his boots, "no it's stone cold...anyway I've made meself a coffee..."

"that's nice of yah...thinking about yourself..." gritted Jerry has he searched for his keys, "so HE was up with the lark again...is he avoiding us or something..."

Hazel crossed to the sink, and glanced at him again,not really wanting to focus to much on him, " who Jackson, yeah...he was up early again, must be needed on site early or something...", she said, making up an excuse for him.

Jerry watched her washup her mug in the bowl, "what...and doing OVERTIME as well...I'll tell you what THEY better be paying him good money, for the hours he puts in..."

Hazel dried up her mug, and painted on a fake smile for him, " I'm sure he is...you know Jackson, he's got the gift of the gab, he always gets what he wants..."

Jerry sat at the table, it still troubled him though, " it's abit strange though...WE always go out for a pint on a wednesday...without fail...even if we've had words..."

Hazel started to collect up the school books she had been marking for the last few days, "maybe he just went out with his mates or something...you know him"

Jerry watched her for a few moments, and then pulled her a face, " HAS he said something to you..."

Hazel didn't look at him, she really didn't want to get into this, " i've really got to get to work, Jerry...it's my last day doing supply work there...and I don't want to be late, do I", she went to move into the hall, but Jerry stopped her, " Hazel...what's got into you...you've really got a face on it"

Hazel laughed it off, " just got headache that's all...and quite frankly Jerry, you are not making it any better with your going on"

"MY going on!" cried Jerry, " and what's THAT supposed to mean...AND what's with that latest masterpiece in the front room...it's abit dark isn't it..."

Jerry ment her newest painting in the living room, " maybe it's just how I feel right now... now if you don't mind, I've gotta go"

And with that Hazel was gone, leaving Jerry none the wiser...maybe he needed to go see his son at work...get to the bottom of all this avoidence lark.

XxX

On the building site, Jackson was in a trance, the mixer was going round and round...and he had lost himself in his thoughts watching it...

He had told her...he had told his mum he was gay...and since that night, they had not spoken.

It had been HIS fault really, he had deliberately got himself up at the crack of dawn, and had come home after she had gone to bed on purpose...he didn't know what to say to her, and not seeing her, made it easier.

He even felt abit embarrassed...

He had EVEN thought about telling her, that all what he had told her was a joke...and that he wasn't gay.

But what would that achieve...

He thought about his dad...he was not going to take it well...infact he properly would NEVER speak to him again, disown him or something...it happens.

A hand slapping down upon his shoulder made him jump right out from his thoughts, It was Andy, " hey mate!...what's with you...you REALLY ARE NOT the life and sole at work for the last couple of days"

Jackson stared at him, pulling him a defensive look, " SO!...do I have to be wearing a stupid grin on me face ALL day or somemit!..."

Andy held up his hands, " way hey!, easy mate...I were ONLY saying..."

Jackson nodded his head, his face showing he was sorry about rearing up at him, " look mate, I've just got alot on me plate at the moment..."

Andy stopped the mixer, " look...why don't you come out with us lads tonight...Dean was saying about that new strip joint...the missus need NOT EVEN know" he teased.

Jackson rolled his tongue into his cheek, going to a strip club was the LAST PLACE he wanted to go...well to see women with their bits hanging out, anyway...he then realised it must of shown up on his face, " YOU really ARE under the thumb, arn't yah" Andy laughed.

But before Jackson could reluctantly say yes to him, he didn't have to...another one of his builder mates was running up the site telling him that his dad was here.

WHAT did HE want!

Dad never visited him at work...unless if there was something wrong...his heart started to race, as he thought the worst, had mum told him!

Jackson looked up to see his father waiting at the sites perimeter, he made his way over to him, Jerry had a smile on his face, so there was no need to be taking some wild guesses whether he knew or not, because the answer was obviously no.

"what are you doing here!" asked Jackson, removing his hard hat.

Jerry shrugged his shoulders, " I thought I'd stop by to see yah, seeing since we keep missing eachother at home..."

Jackson shook his head, " yeah, it's been REALLY busy...there are deadlines to meet and that"

Jerry shrugged again, " so...I WON'T keep you long then...look son, I'll come straight out with it...is there owt wrong"

Jackson painted on a smile, shaking his head " wrong!...what you mean...everythings just fine dad...AS I've just said they've been keeping mah busy here..."

Jerry looked about the site, " yeah it looks like it..." he faced him, " so...you are not avoiding your mother and me, then"

"WHY would I!" cried Jackson, wishing his dad would go, " why would I want to be avoiding yous for!"

"you tell me..." answered Jerry, alittle more thin lipped, " and before you say I'M BUSY, you can meet me for a pint later, alright son..."

Jackson rolled his eyes, the last place he wanted to be, was making small talk with his dad in the local pub, but instead of declining with some excuse, he finally nodded after the pause, "yeah ALRIGHT, I'll meet yah...9 oclock any good"

Jerry nodded excepting, and was about to leave, when he turned back to him, " look...have you and your mum had words, or somemit"

This made his stomach flip...so he blatantly lied, " no...HAVEN'T seen her much remember...with all these early starts, and that"

Jerry nodded again, and this time was off...Jackson watched him drive off before pulling out his mobile from his pocket...he scrolled down until he came to Joe, and pressed, he placed the phone to his ear, turning his back to the lads.

"hey...it's me...can we meet...please..."

XxX

At 7 oclock, Jackson crossed the road and came to Bar west's entrance, after taking in a few deep breaths, he entered the club.

As he came down the stairs, he saw that Joe was standing up at the bar waiting for him, he turned, and moved a pint across the bar at his arrival, " I got you one in..." he told with a smile.

Jackson needed that pint, he thanked him with a wink, and took a few much needed sups.

"so what's up, you sounded abit stressed when you called me earlier" asked Joe, Jackson shook his head, and stared at him, " Joe mate, it's all kicked off...I've told me mum...I've TOLD her Joe..."

Joe had already guessed what he ment, and slapped his hand onto his shoulder playfully, "nice one...you came out to your mum!"

Jackson didn't look too happy about it, " I sorta wish I never...I've been avoiding her ever since I told her...I just don't know what to say to her..."

Joe leant on the bar, " are you saying she never took it well"

Jackson raised his eyebrowes, " she SAID she was alright about it...BUT I know she hasn't...she's heart broken, and who can blame her...", Jackson leant his elbow on the bar, and stared to the laminated flooring.

Joe tried to make him feel better, " maybe she just needs abit of time to used to it, MINE did...but she were okay about it in the end"

Jackson shifted his glance toward the pool table, " fancy a game...need somemit to take me mind of later on"

Joe followed him toward the pool table, "why...what's happening then..."

Jackson snapped up a poolstick, " I'm going for a pint...with me dad!"

Joe pushed a pound coin into the slot, " so what...you're gonna come out to him as well!"

Jackson pulled him a face, " you're kidding ain't yah!...there is NO WAY i can come out to dad...well, not yet anyway...I've gotta tell sarah first", they tossed a coin to see who would start break off the game of pool, Joe called and Jackson got it wrong, " ohhhh GO ON then...I'll give yah a head start on me" he jested, but still thought about later, what on earth would him and dad talk about.

Joe missed a shot, and Jackson practically cleared the rest of the table, Joe knew Jackson was good, but was realising he was even better at it, when he was stressed out.

Joe leaned on his que, " so...you are gonna tell Sarah then..."

Jackson glanced up as he was about to take a shot, " I think she knows anyway..."

This news rocked Joe, " WHAT!...when...did she catch you and Craig...she did didn't she..."

Jackson looked at him, and Joe could see from the look on his face that he was right, or very close to the truth.

"I THINK she saw us together...we were at a barbique...me and Craig got a bit TOO friendly...I think she might of seen somemit...she acted pretty much weird to me after I took her home..."

"when was this!...have you spoken to her since..."

Jackson shrugged at him, finally missing a shot, " It were the other day...and she's NOT been returning me texts or calls...", Jackson sounded pretty much defeated about that, " THIS will change EVERYTHING Joe...Sarah won't let me be apart of me baby's life, will she...AND THAT'S what I feel bad about, especially for mum...I think THAT'S why she is finding this differcult...and who would blame her"

Joe took his shot, and missed, " what about Craig, HE IS Sarah's brother...have you called him, maybe she's said something to him" he suggested.

Jackson laughed it off, " HE'S been avoiding me calls as well...funny that!"

"he was here last night..." told Joe, he wasn't going to say owt, but it was only fair, the news made Jackson go wrong with his shot, as he snapped his head up " what...was he on his own"

Joe shook his head, " nah...with some bloke...darkish hair...abit on the spikey side...", Joe's description was spot on...it told him Craig had been out with Kyle...that was good news wasn't it...if Craig and Kyle were still together, Sarah couldn't of said owt.

"were they..." began Jackson, but trailed off, as if he didn't really want to know the answer, Joe nodded at him, " they were together...they couldn't keep there hands of eachother"

Jackson was alittle sad about that...the thought of Craig and Kyle together...the jealously was in the pit of his stomach, but it was just to bad.

Jackson looked at his watch, " blimey...IS THAT the time!", he necked down his beer, " I'm gonna be late meeting me dad!"

Joe finished his pint too," well, call me...IF you need me anytime, just call me..."

Jackson blew out a nervous laugh, " Careful what you say mate!, IF I do come out to dad, I may be after your spare room..."

"I'm sure it won't come to that..." told Joe, trying to make lite the situ, Jackson placed a hand upon Joe's shoulder, and put on a silly grin for him" Thanks mate, but just keep it vacant for me, JUST in case..."

XxX

Jackson headed out of Bar West and hurried up the street, he held his phone to his ear waiting for Craig to pick up, but it went straight to his voicemail, so he left him a message, "Hey Craig, please get back to me...I NEEED to SEE yah...does she know about us...she won't return me calls...I KNOW you've been out and about, with Kyle...but...call me...please...I miss yah", he ended the call...then a random thought just popped up into his head...what if Sarah heard that message...

If she didn't know anything before...she would now...

He glanced at his mobile again...it was ringing...and looking at the display it read, **Mum calling...**

Jackson bit his lip...he wanted to answer...but again, he still didn't know what to say to her...so he just switched it to voice mail, then he hurried up the street to the taxi rank.

XxX

As Jackson stood at the taxi rank, a group of lads came up and stood nearby, they were laughing and joking with eachother, Jackson glanced up at then...he pulled out his mobile again, to make it look like he was busy.

But one of the lads came over, " OI YOU!...WE just saw you coming out that poofs club..."

Jackson swallowed, and looked up to him, " who me...nah, it wasn't me mate"

The lad stepped nearer, "ARE you calling me a lier...I SAW YAH!" The lads eyes bored their way into Jackson's, Jackson pocketed his mobile, and sighed, " yeah okay it were me...SO WHAT ABOUT IT"

The lad smiled...and the others came over...

XxX

Jerry took a swig of his pint, and looked at his watch, then to the full pint standing next to his own on the bar of his local.

Jackson was late...or he wasn't going to show up, he sighed, Jackson never did this in the past...Jackson has always been a reliable kind of lad...too reliable for some folk.

Jerry was about to take the pint for himself, when the door swung open, and Jackson was standing there...Jerry instantly stepped forward, " BLIMEY!...what HAPPENED to you!"

Jackson was clearly sporting a shiner...and his lip was cut, but through the pain, he managed a smile for his dad, " I got into a fight...it's NOWT!"

"WHO WITH!" cried Jerry, he lifted his son's chin, " that's really gonna show up in the morning son"

Jackson shook him off, " yeah yeah...have you got a pint in for me or what"

Jerry turned, and handed him his pint, " get that down yah neck, who was it anyway...I hope you gave as good as you got!"

Jackson supped his pint, and shook his head, " yeah, something like that...look dad, I'll just have this and head of..."

Jerry snapped his head round, " you what, you've ONLY just got here!"

Jackson sat down, hiding the pain at his ribs, as he sat on the barstool, " I'm just knackered dad...I'm sorry...I'll make it up to yah..."

Jerry sighed, " alright!...but, let me get another one in, and i'll head home with yah...blimey you youngsters! NO staminer that's your trouble..."

Jackson smiled at him, but deep down, felt sick...he'd taken a right beating from those lads...but he'd managed to bolt away...BEING gay was gonna be more hassle than it was worth...but he had to do this...it couldn't get any worse, could it...

XxX

The next morning, Jackson was up early again, and was up and out the door before his mum was up...mum would know what the beating ment, or might guess...he felt okay with his dad at the moment, but that was only because he didn't know about him!

At the site, Jackson jumped out of Andy's van, and grabbed his gear from the back, the morning was miserable...cloudy and drizzley.

Andy was commenting on the shiner on Jackson's eye, " blimey mate...YOU must of upset someone!"

Jackson shrugged it off, in a jokey way, " he GOT worse, believe me!"

The foreman Ray was then coming over to them, " hey guy's, the client want's this build finished as soon as possible...I've told the others, but I've called over some of me other men from the other build i'm over seeing, to help us, so it shouldn't be too bad!"

Jackson looked up to see these other lads on the scaffolding above them, leaning down looking at them.

And Jackson was open mouthed...for staring back at him, was the bloke who was responsible for the shiner on his face...

And that lad recognised him...

To be Continued...

Please review, don't be shy! :)


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 11/15

***warning*** NO AARON!

Sorry about the delay between chapters, I will try my hardest to get the next chapter out quicker..x

MID- SEPTEMBER 2005

Jackson Walsh sat in the kitchen eating his toast, going by his watch it was coming up to 6AM...these early starts were killing him, and now it was getting darker and darker by the morning, it was making getting out of a warm bed even the MORE harder.

The kitchen had been dim, the first rays of first light a while away, and when the light suddenly snapped on, the instant brightness was sharp to his eyes.

Jackson turned to see his mum standing in the door way, Jackson was about to get up, but a: "sit down..!" from his mother, made him sit tight.

Hazel came over to him, and gently held his chin, and lifted his head, " your dad said it was quite a bruiser...and it is" she commented.

Jackson shrugged her off, and necked down the rest of his tea, " I'm gonna be late..."

Hazel was shaking her head at him, " no you're not...I phoned Irene, Andy's mum yesterday...SHE SAYS her boy doesn't leave the house to past 7...so what's going on"

Jackson blew out a nervous laugh, " nowts going on, WHY are you phoning her anyway, are you checking up on me or something!...AND,what ARE you doing UP this early anyway!"

Hazel sat down, " well...IF this is the only way I'm gonna see my boy all day...then I'll be getting up early as well...now..." she leaned forward, " WHOS had a go at yah...someone has...I couldn't get anything out your father"

Jackson really didn't want this conversation, he stood up and went to the sink, "look, it's like I told me dad...I just got into a fight, as lads do all the time, remember..."

Hazel thought about it for one second, but she wasn't buying it, " no i don't believe you...YOU are hiding something...", she took in a deep breath, before asking, "...is this something to do with you being..."

Jackson, eyes widening up when he realised what she was going to say, broke off her sentence in mid flow, " Mum!...shut up about THAT!...it's got nowt to do with it, ALRIGHT!"

Hazel buttoned her lips...but only for one second...she looked up, " have you SEEN Sarah, SHE NEEDS to know Jackson..."

Jackson was getting all stressed now, as he pulled on his work boots, " BLIMEY!, WHAT'S with all the questions!...just keep out of it mum...I'LL DEAL WITH THIS my way, alright"

Hazel stood up, wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her, " and what about that father of yours...ARE you gonna be telling him, because HE keeps asking ME about YOU...Jackson, I can't keep putting him off..."

Jackson grabbed his ruck sack off the side, and shoved in his lunch box, he looked up to his mum's concerned face, " look, I'll deal with me dad, when I'm ready...just don't say owt, please, for me..."

Hazel just shook her head, as Jackson came over and kissed his mum's cheek, " I'm dealing with it...I'LL make it ALL alright, I promise...", he then was out the back door...leaving Hazel to sink back onto the kitchen chair, she had a bad feeling that all WON'T turn out alright...and that just made her fear for the future...

XxX

Jackson waited on the corner for Andy to pick him up in his van, as he waited in the early morning half light, and usually it was quite a long wait, on the account of getting up too early to avoid his Mum.

He dug out his mobile from his jeans, and scrolled down his phonebook, he came to Sarah's name, and pressed text...he bit his lip, not really knowing what to put...mum was right...he needed to see her...tell her what's going on...

It had been over a week since the barbique, and Sarah hadn't returned ANY of his calls...he wanted to go around there again, the one night he did...all the lights were off, and nobody was in.

Was Sarah avoiding him, like he was avoiding her...an impossible situation that needed putting a stop to now, or NOWT would get sorted out.

And what about Craig...he had not returned his calls either, then again, Joe had told him that he'd seen Craig out with Kyle, so maybe it HADN'T all kicked off at theirs...like he feared had...because he still didn't know whether it was Sarah who saw him and Craig getting all hot and horny in Kyle's kitchen.

He looked back towards his house, the lone kitchen light on, no doubt his mum was worrying herself to death over him, and that made him feel bad.

Still clutching his mobile, Jackson focused on the screen, he simply texted, **can we mt up...PLSE...I NEED 2 C U, lve JXson xx**

He swallowed down nervously, before pressing send...all he hoped now was she'd get back to him...and sooner rather than later.

He looked up to see a van coming around the corner, it was Andy's van...all white and bashed up...the van had more dents then you could count.

After pulling up at the curb, Jackson jumped in, only to see HIM beside him...HIM sitting in the middle...HIM being Sean, the guy who was responsible for his black eye...

Andy turned the wheel to pull away, " morning mate!" he chirped.

Jackson managed a smile for him, but glared at Sean, he glared back.

Xxx

Jackson and Sean were off with each other all day...and everyone noticed the glares they shot at one another.

When Jackson stopped for tea that afternoon, his mate Andy over came to sit next to him, "so...what's with you and the new guy...the killer stares you're giving eachother have certainly been noticed mate!"

Jackson sighed, and glanced up at Sean on the scaffolding, " we just don't get on...personality clash I'd expect..."

Andy slammed a hand down onto Jackson's knee cap, " hey mate, you twos better loosen up...we can't have blokes fallen out here can we, doesn't bode well on our the nights out!"

Sean watched them from where he stood on the scaffolding platform...he leaned over and yelled, " CAREFUL MATE...you don't know where he's been!"

Andy snapped his neck up to him, " WHAT are you going on about...", Jackson stood up and put on his hardhat, "just leave it Andy..."

Andy, who always got hot tempered quickly, shook his head at him, " NO MATE!...IF HE has a problem with yah...HE has with me!"

Jackson laughed out loud nervously, " well, we're see about THAT when he's finished gobbing off at yah!"

Sean was then down the ladder, and was pointing, " I've been meaning to tell you all...YOUR MATE JACKSON here has been hiding something from yah!"

Andy screwed up his face at him, " hiding what...stop talking daft!"

Sean was glaring right at Jackson, " I'm not talking daft, i'm just telling yah that your mate Jackson here is a gayboy"

Andy raised his eyebrowes at him, " is that so..."

Sean was quite smug, " me, and some of me mates, saw him come out that queer club up on the the high street, the other night"

Jackson's gaze bore straight into Sean, there was NO WAY he was going to be outed by this jerk, black eye or not, " that was because I were there with a mate...a Gay mate...problem with that!", Sean shook his head in disbelief!...by the look on Andy's face he was buying into the story.

"IT WAS ME WHO GAVE YOU THAT BLACK EYE, YOU LYING QUEER!" He sneered.

Jackson was puzzled, and pointed to his eye, " what...THIS BLACK EYE...got this from playing Sunday afternoon footie mate, for me dad's local..." he lied.

Sean was about to come forward, when Andy stopped him, " OI!...HE SAYS he's got the eye from playing footie...so lay off him...WHY are being such a dickhead mate...what's he done to you!...COURSE he's not like that, he's got a girlfriend and a baby on the way"

But before Sean could protest any further, the foreman Ray, called Andy over for something, Sean and Jackson squared up to eachother, " WE both know you are lying..."

Jackson shrugged, " I'll be telling them WHEN I'm ready...so if you don't mind just BUTT OUT me business, alright..." he moved forward and leaned in, " at the end of the day, they're all take MY word over yours...so go and cause trouble elsewhere, because the way you're going mate, you are not EXACTLY gonna be Mr popular around here..."

Sean turned on his heel, " NOR will you...when the truth comes out...", he warned, and slyly winked at him "and GOD help yah when it does..."

Xxx

Jackson managed to finish the day having a laugh with his work mates...he knew he was on borrowed time with them, because when the truth did come out, he was sure he was going to find life quite rough on the building site...in the manly world of construction, a gay builder has little welcome...especially here up north...so he enjoyed the laughs while he could...

Besides, he needed to tell Sarah first...once she knew about him...EVEN his dad...then it didn't really matter about everyone else...he'll just have to cross that bridge when he came to it.

As they came out the pub, Jackson went off into the opposite direction to the others, he thought about going to the gym, and as he walked up the street his mobile bleeped.

His first thoughts was Sarah...she was finally returning his text from this morning...but as he pulled out his phone, and looked at the display...he realised it was from Craig...

Jackson swallowed down hard, and opened the text; it simply read, **have 2 C U...ASAP!**

Jackson bit his bottom lip, what did Craig want...he decided to quickly text him back, and say he'd meet up with him over at the gym for 7.

Xxx

Craig was already at the gym when Jackson arrived, he was waiting in the reception area, he immediately pulled Jackson to one side, " she knows about us...", then he noticed Jackson's black eye, " what happened to you!"

Jackson waved him out the way, " NEVER MIND about that...DID YOU JUST SAY, she knows about us..."

Craig nodded.

Jackson's reaction went blank, he was speechless which was quite rare for him, he swallowed and looked up to him, " do you KNOW THAT for sure..."

Craig slumped to a leather armchair, that was apart of the reception make up, " she told me...she told me she saw us..."

Jackson was taking it all in...his eyes flickering about trying to think what to do...what to ask...

"when...when did this happen"

Craig looked up to him, " that day...when I got home from the Kyle's place, she had a right go at me...she said she saw us..." he lowered his voice, fearing other folk standing around the reception could hear them.

Jackson was shaking his head, realising WHY Sarah hadn't been returning his texts or calls...he had feared this to be...and his fears were now coming true.

"WHY didn't you tell me earlier...WHY didn't you call and WARN me!" Jackson hissed at him...he was starting to seeth.

Craig stood up, " I wanted to...but she and Mum have gone to a SPA break...last minute booking...Sarah was just acting all wierd the next day...before they went...I THINK she blames me Jackson...that I came on to you...Jackson I DID want to tell you...I were just abit scared...scared she'll tell Kyle"

Jackson stared to the floor, "and HE matters because..."

Craig shook his head at him, " he matters, because I have finally woken up Jackson...I WANT Kyle...not you...and if SHE tells him...then it's over between us"

Jackson couldn't care less...ALL he thought about was Sarah, and how hurt she was feeling...HE DID that to her...her... seeing him, her own boyfriend with her own brother...

"when is she back..." he asked simply.

Craig looked up, " at the weekend...", he stepped forward, " Jackson what are you going to do..."

Jackson didn't face him...he closed his eyes, " tell her...it's time to be honest, Craig...I can't go on like this anymore...lying to everyone...IT'S NOT ME...I HATE my life at the moment",

he turned around and bravely smiled, " I'm gonna come clean to her...just as soon as she gets back..."

To be Continued...

Please review and tell me what you think :)


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 12/15

***warning*** NO AARON!

HI, I said i'd get the next chapter out quicker...hope you like...please tell me what you think...feed back is ALWAYS good! x

MID- SEPTEMBER 2005

Hazel sat in the half light.

It was early morning, and Jackson had just told her.

"So...it's TODAY then...you are gonna tell her today..." she said.

Jackson turned to her from where he stood at the sink, " yeah, I've just said haven't I...", he then looked up, and changed to a more lighter tone of voice, "...you are right Mum...I HAVE TO BE HONEST...and it's NOT fair to have you lying to everyone..."

Hazel clutched her hands around her coffee mug, yes, she wanted Jackson to come clean to everyone...but now...now he was going to do just that...she feared of WHAT the outcome would be...and how the future would unfold.

"have you thought about WHAT you are gonna say love, i mean...YOU can't just go blurting it out...you have to be...sensitive"

Jackson rolled his eyes at her, and shook his head, " MUM I do know that!...I'm not gonna be saying to her HEY I gay...GET ON with it, am I!"

Hazel shook her head back at him in her own defense, " YOU KNOW what I mean...I just gonna be worrying about you, that's all..."

Jackson sighed out, and looked right at her, " and WHAT about you...seeing it's been well over 2 weeks since I told yah...you've NOT had that much to say about it...ashamed of me are yah!"

Hazel was up in an instant and crossed over to him, " NOW YOU look here...I'M NEVER ashamed of you...", she placed her hands on his cheeks, " I ment what I said...I'll love you for YOU...not who you are..."

Jackson felt bad about doubting her, but he had to ask, " and me dad...how is HE gonna react when I say something...because I will...I have to tell him too...IS HE gonna love me for ME too...or does HE love me for who I am...a straight lad into footie and going down the local to sup a few jars...then off to see the pregnant girlfriend..." he couldn't help to be sarcastic about it...because HE ALREADY KNEW the answer to that.

Jackson went over and snatched up his rucksack, he smiled at her, " I'm off to work...I'll text her this morning...and then I'll JUST go round there after work...", he then made for the back door, "good luck..." Hazel called out...

Jackson sadly smiled at her, and was out...my brave boy, thought Hazel...but he was going to NEED TO BE brave...and not just about telling Sarah the truth either...there was worst to come.

Xxx

Jackson's day on site, was as per usual...him and Sean either glaring at each other or just plain avoiding eachother.

Not that Jackson could care less about a bully like Sean...HE may of decked him one that night, when he and his mates caught him coming out of Bar west, but THAT'S ALL he was, a bully...and Jackson had little time for them sorts...

So them not talking to each other was NO skin of his nose at all...the situation suited him down to the ground...the bit that he did feel bad about was the lies...but he wasn't ready to out himself to his builder colleagues just yet...he had MORE important folk to inform first.

It was break time when he gave Sarah a text...Craig had told him the day before, that Sarah and Sheila had returned from their Spa break away.

**i'm coming round after wrk...we need to talk XX**

He pressed send, and pocketed the mobile, Andy had just joined him in the tea cabin, " so you and Sean at it again...he's aright knobhead him...AS IF you would be gay..."

Andy removed his hardhat and made himself a brew, " the day you turn out to be a knob jockey, i'll be eating MY hat!" he laughed.

Jackson put on a grin, "well...don't want you to go breaking yah teeth on it, do I!" he shot back, trying to make it sound like he was bantering with him, and not hiding the fact that Andy wouldn't be okay with it...he could just tell.

Xxx

Jerry ate his lunch, as Hazel was scrubbing the stove top vigourously.

The constant scrubbing, and wringing of the scourer into the sink was annoying him, so he looked up pulling a face, " WHY are you doing that woman...HAVE we the queen coming to visit or somemit"

Hazel couldn't help laughing at the word queen...if only he knew!

"I see HE left early again this morning...HAVE you got to the bottom of WHAT he's fretting about yet..." told Jerry.

Hazel turned to him, " you know what our boys like Jerry, he's a little worrywart him...he's not happy if he's not worried over anything..."

Jerry shook his head, as he shoved his plate away, " nah...somethings not right...WE had a beer again last night...in the front room...you should have SEEN his face...it was a comedy we were watching, but by the look on HIS face, it just as well of been somebodys funeral..."

Hazel tried to make light of it, " he'll be okay...you're see..."

Jerry stood up, and grabbed his coat, he threw the local newspaper down onto the table, "that's bloody terrible!"

Hazel looked down to the head like...'GAYBASHERS GET TWO YEARS FOR BEATING IN THE PARK'

"I know...those thugs should have got MORE for that..." she told.

Jerry was shaking his head in disbelief at her, " NO love, they deserve a flaming medal...there's too many of THEM about...we need thugs like that to keep there numbers down!"

Hazel couldn't look at Jerry...HOW could he stand in their kitchen, and say that.

She placed her tongue in her cheek, " so you think all gays are DIRTY do you...DISGUSTING...is that what you are trying to say..."

Jerry shook his head, what on earth was she on about now, " YEAH I DO...a pair of them have moved in a cross the road, both of them mincing up and down the street with out a care in the world, shouldn't be allowed"

Hazel was starting to boil over now...she couldn't take him talking like THAT anymore...because to her, Jerry was not just slagging off gays anymore...he was slagging off her son!

She swung around from the sink and pointed, " so if YOU had a gay son...and he was BASHED UP like that poor boy in the paper...you're be cheering on those thugs will you...giving them a pat on the back for their efforts..."

Jerry couldn't believe what Hazel was saying...SHE really had a screw loose today, " WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU!...WHAT'S WITH IF I HAD A GAY SON RUBBISH..."

Hazel knew she had said too much...she swung around and shook her head, " nothing...I'M ONLY JUST SAYING..." she told, trying to hold back the tears...she had betrayed him...he knew...he was going to work it out.

Jerry came foward, and slammed his hand down onto the flat of the kitchen table so hard, it made her jump, Hazel closed her eyes in fear of what he was going to ask her...how did this ever come up anyway...

She slowly turned her head, she already could see Jerry's face...it was NOT happy...

"NOW...you better TELL me what you MEANT by that..."

Xxx

As she opened the door, Sarah could see Jackson standing there on the doorstep...he smiled up at her nervously, eyes all big and round...and his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.

"can I come in..." he simply said...not really knowing WHAT else to say.

Sarah widened the door and he pushed himself in, and upon closing it, Sarah turned to face him in the hallway, " sorry about not returning your texts...I've been away...with Mum...at a health Spa in Gloucestershire...it was fab"

Jackson looked at her blankly...what was she doing...he was expecting some sort of slap in the face from her...not where she's been.

Jackson cleared his throat, " ohhh right...errr...have you erm...seen Craig..."

Sarah instantly snatched his hand, and began pulling him up the stairs, "COME and see what i've bought for the baby...it's all been laid out in the nursery...come and see..."

Jackson let himself be pulled up the stairs, and across the landing to the nursery...the room he had painted...and it still smelt fresh from it.

Sarah was picking up various items scattered about the room, " look at this...isn't it cute...and this...it's a wind up mobile, you can hang it over his cot...you can do that..." she then dropped that and picked up a cuddley toy...it was huge, " and my Aunt Julia bought this...it's big I know, but it is SO cuddley..."

Jackson let her rattle on abit...he went through the motions for her, smiling at one thing, saying oh alright to the other...but one thing kept jumping out his mind.

TELL HER!

"Sarah..." he whispered.

Sarah smiled at him...as she clutched a small fluffy panda, " what do you think...I'll have to thank your Mum for the bits she got too...so next time i'm round yours..."

"Sarah..." he said again, a little more audible.

Sarah shook her head at him, " no don't spoilt it...we've got so much more to get...so if you THINK of anything... we've only got..."

Jackson came forward and gently took her arms, " Sarah...WE'VE got to talk..."

Sarah stared right at him...her eyes akin to a scared rabbit, " no we don't...look come down stairs...have you had your tea yet..."

She went to pull him back out into the hallway, but Jackson pulled her back, " Sarah NO!...we've got to talk...about..."

Sarah was shaking her head, " I never saw nowt...it was nothing, it was just my brother wanting to ruin things for us, he gets like that..."

She then placed his hand onto her bump, and looked up at him, " YOU wouldn't would you...let him ruin stuff...for USSSS.." the us was choked...the word catching in her throat, as she was trying NOT to face up to what HE wanted to talk about.

She knew...and she wanted none of it.

Jackson closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath, " Sarah...what you saw...at Kyle's place..."

Sarah was getting more agitated now, " I KNOW What I saw...I saw that BASTARD brother of mine TRYING to STEAL MY MAN...I NOT HAVING IT!"

Jackson looked at her, she was seething with anger now...at the thought of Craig stealing Jackson from her.

"Haven't you ASKED yourself WHY I never fault him off..." he simply asked her, after a few moments lapsed.

Sarah shrugged, rubbing her hand over her bump, " you were taking by surprize...caught up in it...", even she was trying to convince herself of that.

Jackson's heart was starting to race as he tried to look into her eyes, " I...I never fault him off...because...I liked it..."

Sarah stood on the spot...she was still shaking but she never said owt.

"Sarah...did you just hear what I just said...", Sarah sprang to the window, " look...it's gonna rain...Mum said GET the washing in..." the tears started to flow down her cheeks.

Jackson swallowed down hard...he cleared his throat again, " Sarah...DO YOU KNOW...what i'm telling yah...TRYING to tell yah."

Sarah turned away from the window, as the rain started to lash onto the pane, " YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!...he's MY brother...you can't make me watch that...put me THROUGH that..." she sobbed.

Jackson stepped forward, he was on the brink of crying himself now, " THERE'S NOTHING going on between him and me...THIS is me...I'm...I'm...the SAME as your brother...I'm gay..."

Sarah was crying, but she was STILL defiant, " BUT you might NOT be...look at me..." she rubbed her hand over the baby again.

Jackson was crying now, " Gay men can give babies too you know...I'M SO SORRY...I've handled this SOOOO badly..."

Sarah sobbed...and sobbed...and sobbed...Jackson had stopped, and was wiping his eyes away with the back of his hands...but she carried on and on...he wanted her to stop but she wouldn't...

"Please...YOU WILL be okay...YOU WILL BE" he tried to reasure...but it was falling on deaf ears...to her...her world had crumbled...

YES she was young...YES was silly enough to GET pregnant...YES she just wanted to be with the lad she loved...

BUT that was ALL she wanted...and now ALL THAT had been taken from her...

Jackson faced the carpet, as she came forward...the hate in her eyes...it was there when he looked up at her...and she SAW the shame in his.

"GET OUT!" she cried.

Jackson's eyes widened, " but we've still got to..."

"I SAID GET OUT!...NOW!" she forced him into the hallway, Jackson turned and hurried down the stairs, she was following him, " GO ON...GET OUT...I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"

Jackson reached the front door as it was opening, and was attacked by a closing umbrella.

It was Sheila, with a shed load of shopping bags, " WHAT'S all the noise about, I can hear you half way up the drive...AND you better of got that washing in..."

Jackson stared at Sheila, then back up to Sarah who had stopped halfway down the stairs, he then bolted out the door.

Sarah was sobbing, as Sheila watched Jackson hurry down the driveway in the pouring rain.

She then closed the front door...and looked up to her crying daughter, " WHAT'S HE done now..."

Sarah only shook her head...Sheila dropped the shopping bags, and went up the steps 'till she came to her, " Sarah...what's wrong...you and HIM had a row"

Sarah looked up from burying her head in her bump, her face was red and wet...and she looked pretty stressed, " ohhhhh Mum...I knew it when I saw it...but I just thought that maybe it WASN'T true..." she blurted out.

Sheila was lost, " WHAT'S not true...Sarah, honey what's going on...TELL ME!"

Sarah was looking at her mum...and Sheila could see her daughters eyes were vacant, " but it IS true..."

Xxx

In the lashing rain, Jackson was soaked through, he bolted from one shop doorway to the next, his tight curls flat to his head, and the water streaming down his face.

If there were tears of regret still on his cheek, then they would be washed away now...

He shivered in the cold...and the traffic whizzed by sending waves of water his way only to add to his misery.

NOTHING could be worse than this...

He had been at his lowest today...

Surely things could not get even worse for him...

could it...

To be Continued...

Please review and tell me what you think :)


	13. Chapter 13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 13/15

***warning*** NO AARON!

HI, this chapter was horrible to write, and it is abit upsetting...so i'll apologise now x

MID- SEPTEMBER 2005

In the lashing rain, Jackson was soaked through, he bolted from one shop doorway to the next, his tight curls flat to his head, and the water was streaming down his face.

If there WERE tears of regret still on his cheeks, then they would be washed away by now...

He shivered in the cold...as the traffic whizzed by sending waves of water his way, only to add to his misery...NOTHING could be worse than this...He had been at his lowest today...

Surely things could not get even more worse for him...could it...

Xxx

Jackson headed up the path, and let himself in through the back door.

He stood in the kitchen, practically shaking from the cold and the wet, his hair was dripping like mad, into pools at his feet, as he dried it off with a tea towel from the draining board...it was the first thing that came to hand.

It was getting dark, so the kitchen was very dim lit, but the door suddenly swung open, revealing the light from the hallway, and the shape of his Mum...and by the look of it, she looked pretty much down trodden.

Jackson threw the wet tea towel onto a heap on the floor, and pulled her a face " WHAT'S with your face...It's ME whose been through the wringer today..."

Hazel shook her head sadly at him, " Oh Jackson...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...it all just come out..."

Jerry was now standing at the doorway behind her, he looked pretty much like that he had sunk a few pints...and by the bottle of beer in his grasp, was FAR from finished sinking them.

"SO there he IS!...SLIPPING in through the back door...BUT YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YAH!" he growled, the remark certainly had a double meaning...

Jackson swallowed, his eyes searching his Mothers expression, she was just shaking her head...letting him subtlely know that HE knew.

"Dad...nothings changed...I'm STILL me..." he blurted out...he didn't quite know WHY he said that, but he was put on the spot...he wasn't thinking straight, not prepared for this.

and the words, 'thanks mum' were going around through his brain.

The look on Jerry's face was not of anger...it was of pure anguish...he stepped forward, and with frightful force, threw the bottle of beer crashing to the wall, the glass ricosheted across the kitchen making Hazel squeal.

Jackson was frozen to the spot, as Jerry stepped even closer forward, he was pointing his finger at him, " MY SON can't be like THAT!...HE CAN'T BE...IT'S IMPOSSIBLE...you are MY BOY!" Jackson stood still, he didn't flinch, he was NOT going to be afraid of his own father.

"NOW...TELL ME...TELL ME THAT SHE...THAT WITCH OF A MOTHER OF YOURS...IS NOT TELLING THE TRUTH..." he yelled out.

Jackson could see that Jerry's face was turning red, with the rage.

Jackson found that his words were stuck in his throat, he couldn't get them out...and Jerry was growing the ever more impatient.

"TELL ME!" he raged, but Jackson could detect a little more of desparation in that harsh tone, of his father pinning his hopes, that he was wrong.

"Dad...I...Mum, she knows about me...I told her...now...now I'm telling you...that I...I am..."

Jerry was only inches away from him, shaking his head violently, " NO, don't YOU say it!, DON'T you say it...please...please...", there were tears now in Jerry's eyes, Jackson felt choked up himself...when did Dad EVER cry.

"Dad, I'm SO sorry...but...it's true...I'm gay Dad...I'm, I'm gay..." the tears were falling from his own eyes now...

he had told him...

he had just told his dad...

dad now KNEW who he really was...

and...the next thing he knew, was something hitting him so hard, he went flying into the wall, and fell in a heap to the ground, skidding across the tiles as he did so.

"JEERRRRY! screamed Hazel, rushing forward, she was pulling him by the arm, just as he was leaning over Jackson again, grabbing him by his T shirt, " YOU FILTHY...DISGUSTING PERVERT!...YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!"

"JEEERRRY! screamed Hazel again, " don't HIT him again, or I'll be phoning the police!..." she warned shaking.

Jackson put his fingers to his mouth, and upon looking at them...his eyes widened in horror...he saw the blood.

Jerry was boring down at him...those eyes...there WERE tears...but there was disgust there too.

Although shaken from his fathers assault on him, Jackson managed to pick himself up, Hazel stepped forward, and started fussing round his face, " you've HURT him, Jerry!...you've hurt our boy!"

Jerry had already turned his back on them, " THAT'S no boy of MINE!" he stated coldly.

Hazel snatched up the tea towel, and started to dab the cut on Jackson's lip, but Jackson took the towel from her, and attended it to himself, Hazel turned to Jerry...she breathed out...trying to get a calm atmosphere in the room.

"Jerry...we really need to ALL sit down and talk about this...IT really isn't that bad...I...I was shocked...I found it abit strange to get my head around it...but...but HE'S our son...he's our beautiful boy...", there was a begging tone in her voice...and Jackson hated it...she was pandering to him.

Jerry still had his back to them, " WHAT are you going on about now...HAVE YOU got a screw loose or somemit...DO YOU really think I can except THAT!"

He turned to face Jackson coldly, and pointed at him,

"do I want to have a quiet pint in my local with THAT!...

do I want to go and watch a sunday afternoons footie with THAT!...

do I want to spend my time...MY evenings here...with ... with THAT!...

THAT is NO SON of mine...I HAVE NO SON..."

Hazel looked at him, the tears running down her cheeks...she looked back to her son, he was facing the back door...his eyes flickering from her and then to his dad...

"I'm gonna go mum..." he said, barely audible.

Jackson then looked towards his dad...he was moving towards the hallway...to the light.

"DAD!" he called out...he didn't know why...but whatever the reason, Jerry never responded, after all, to him, he didn't exist anymore...he had no son.

Jackson's eyes continued to stare to the hall, long after his father was out of sight, Hazel came forward, " Jackson...give him a few days...he'll be fine you're see...you're SEE!"

But Hazel was TRYING to convince her self, because both knew that if anything, hell would more likely freeze over first.

Hazel was then crying...this was ALL her fault, she had let it slip...she was just SO ANGRY with Jerry, for his bigoted attitude, she wished she could explain this to Jackson...

"Can I go and get me stuff..." he asked her, she realised his gaze was on her now.

and she could only nod sadly.

Xxx

Jackson was upstairs in his bedroom, he closed the door and started shoving his cloths in the black bin liner he had snatched off from the roll in the kitchen cupboard.

In next was his CDs and DVDs, he didn't have much but...they were his.

He looked up onto the shelving around the room, the pool trophies...HIS pool trophies, the under 12s the under 15s...his Mum could have them, he decided...that's if Dad didn't chuck them first.

The bin liner was heavy, he didn't risk putting anything more in, incase the sack split.

He gazed around his room...HIS ROOM...the room he had had since he was about 3 or 4...He had heard the story a million times, about when Dad had got fed up of living in London where Mum came from...he had missed the north, his mates...so he had pressurised her to move up north, where he was from.

Plus, he didn't want NO son of his turning out to be a southern softie!

He couldn't help but smile...JUST GAY instead!

His stomach churned over...he was leaving home...he was leaving his Mum and Dad and he was scared now...it had just dawned on him...in the calm of his bedroom, that he was actually scared now.

He turned his back on it, and opened the door and came down the stairs...his Mum was waiting by the front door...her eyes were sore and puffy...

"Ja..Jackson..." she sniffed.

Jackson dropped the sack, and gave his mum a big hug, " I'M NOT mad at yah, for telling him..."

Hazel was sobbing onto his shoulder, " I'll okay Mum, you don't have to be worrying about me...I'm a big boy now!" he said pulling away, trying to smile at her, trying to be brave.

Hazel swallowed, " HE'S NOT gonna cope with this, is he...", she was settling her gaze toward the lounge.

Jackson shrugged at her, picking up his sack, " tell somebody who cares..." he said without a thought, he then nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen, " I want to get me works ruck sack...then I'll head out the backdoor..."

Hazel went to follow, but he stopped her,after a slight pause he kissed her forehead, and walked away...without another word uttered.

Xxx

The crack of thunder shook the house as Jackson came out the backdoor.

Hell!...if it never rains it pours...and that was an understatment.

In the lashing rain, and the lighening, Jackson hurried up the road...flaming 'eck, this surely had to be the pits!

And he thought telling Sarah was going to be bad...if on a scale of 1 to 10 that telling Sarah had been 5, then telling his dad... it HAD to be a 10!

He was drenched...he managed to run toward a bus shelter, and pulled out his phone, he shivered as he tried to scroll down the names...he paused at Andy's name...yeah right!...but KNEW he wound help, but he would want to know all the gory details, and when he did...he stopped at Craig's name...he was all loved up with Kyle, he wouldn't want to jeopardize that!...he finally came to Joe...good old Joe...the drips fell upon the display as he tried to think...

but he didn't think for long, he was desparate...he pressed call...

Xxx

Hazel had stood stock still in the hallway for an age, before she decided to go into the lounge, she saw him, Jerry, standing at the fireplace, gazing down at the photographs that sat on the mantel.

Jackson when he was 5, Jackson when he was 9...A family snap in Whitby when he was 14.

And in Jerry's grasp was Jackson as a baby in his arms...

The tears ran down Jerry's cheek...and he started to shake...

Somehow Hazel knew what he was about to do, she lept forward, " JERRY NO!"

Jerry slammed the photo to the wall, then ran his arm along the mantel, knocking all the photos flying to the marble tiled base...the glass in the frames smashing into a million fragments.

And then Jerry sobbed, he broke down and sobbed...the man was devastated...his son...HIS BOY one of THEM!

Hazel could only watch with a hand upon her mouth...

She was right...

He would never get over this...how could he...he had loved Jackson to bits...his pride and joy...

but now...

Xxx

Joe came down the stairs and opened the door.

Jackson was standing there...on the doorstep...he looked aright state, his hair was wet and matted, the corner of his top lip was cut and bleeding, his T shirt and jeans were soaked through, and he was clutching a rucksack and bin liner full of his worldly belongings.

But Jackson being Jackson, he put on a brave smile, " I've had a pig of a day" he told.

Joe opened the door wider and Jackson came through, almost immediately Joe was pulling Jackson toward the stairs, "right you, we're about the same build...so get out of them wet things, and change into something of mine...I'll go and be making you a hot drink", Joe could feel Jackson was shaking from the wet and the cold.

Joe was waiting in the kitchen, when Jackson finally came down the stairs, Joe smiled as Jackson came into the kitchen, and was handed his mug of tea, " great choice...you've got style!"

Jackson shrugged, he was wearing a grey shirt with a pair of jeans, that were alittle bit on the tight on the bum for him, " I liked this on you when you once wore it to the club, I actually THINK it looks better on me..." he said, TRYING to crack a joke to hide how screwed up he was inside.

With a nod of his head, they both went through into the lounge, and sat on the couch.

"so...you told them then..." asked Joe, deciding to cut to the chase, Jackson had been through a lot...he could tell, and Jackson NEEDED to get this out of his system now, while it was still fresh.

Jackson shook his head, his eyes hitting the carpet, " yep...EVERYBODY knows...well within reason...BOY, that Sean at work is gonna be SO milking this when it all comes out...I'm NEVER gonna hear the last of it...give it a week, and I won't be able to get a job on site anywhere in the north of England!"

Joe turned his head, "and your lip...was that your dad"

Jackson blew out a laugh, " it most certainly was!...no guessing how he feels about me being gay, a..."

Joe raised his eyebrowes in disgust, " what!...by decking yah...the man's a PIG!"

Jackson looked up sadly, and shook his head at him, " no he's not...he were upset...you should have seen him, he was SOOOO disappointed in me, he cried...it's funny, I'VE NEVER seen him cry..." he mused.

"but you're right..." Jackson finished, " THERE'S no excuses for hitting folk...doesn't matter WHAT it's about or over...there's NO WAY I'm gonna be seeing him again"

Joe shrugged, " you don't know that, not for sure...maybe you just need to give it a few days like, let the dust settle...", Jackson smiled at him, Joe was trying to mend a relationship that would...COULD NEVER be mended...

"THAT'S WHY he cried...don't you get it Joe...HE KNEW it was the end for us...being father and son...from now on HE has no son...and it's soooo sad...and that's why he cried"

He sounded like HE was about to cry.

Jackson's words made it all sound so final.

Joe had another thought, and looked up, "what about your Mum, you said SHE was okay with it...surely SHE is still...gonna be around for yah...right"

Jackson focused his gaze to the fireplace, " I hope so...THAT'S IF dad lets her...it'll be hard on her this...I don't want her making life differcult for herself...I'll just have to play that one by ear..."

Joe drank his tea...poor Jackson...what a turn out...he was glad his own parents were SO UNDERSTANDING about it, once their shock was overcome...but this...it was the first time he knew of someone whose father had actually laid their hand on them, for just coming out.

Joe placed his hand on Jackson's knee, " well I KEPT the spare room free just incase..."

"I TOLD you I'd be needing it..." told Jackson, with a flash of a smile.

"Camp Dave was the last one to use it after he had a row with scott, and he had no complaints...you can stay here as long as you need to..."

Jackson was grateful, and then looked about him for the first time, " I must be in the wrong job, HOW can you be affording ALL this..."

Joe stood up, " I get help...me dad pays the rent...I know, it makes me out to be a poor little rich kid...but i'm not...I DO pay towards it...now that uni is nearly over and I can get a position as a trainee Solictor someplace..."

Jackson stood up, and followed him out into the kitchen, " well maybe when you do get that job, I'll be the first to hire you...for assault" he joked, pointing to his lip.

Joe turned from the sink, " look...I'm gonna be meeting some mates from Uni later...are you gonna alright here on your own..."

"Course I am!...What do you think i'm gonna be doing...running the hot tap and slashing me wrists...", Joe pulled him a face, and Jackson gave him a reasuring smile, "I'm only messing... i'm FINE...you just go out and enjoy yourself..."

Joe laughed, " well as long as you are sure..." he went to go upstairs, but turned before heading up, " You never said about what happened when you told Sarah...is that..."

Jackson put his back to him, " that part of me life is well and truely over...I'm not gonna be a father...which is proberly just as well because i'd make a crap dad anyway..."

Joe didn't think that...but he knew Jackson didn't want to debate it further...he headed up the stairs without another word...

It was good Joe was going out, thought Jackson, he could be alone to ponder his thoughts...and decide where he was going to go from here...

...and have a good cry...

To be Continued...

Please review and tell me what you think :)


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

chapter 14/15

***warning*** NO AARON!

HI, this chapter was easier to write than the last one, and I hope you will find it easier to read as well! x

It'dawned on me that my stories are NEVER happy...I'm sorry about that!

MID- OCTOBER 2005

Jackson Walsh ate his breakfast in the kitchen at Joe's house.

Joe came through with a leather folder beneath his shoulder, Jackson raised his eyebrowes at him, Joe could certainly scrub up pretty well.

"Do I look like a lawyer...BE honest...", asked Joe, as he stood in the kitchen, Jackson shrugged at him from where he sat, " you're abit young and short...and baby faced, but..."

Joe was agitated as it was, " YOU know what I mean...I've got that interview this morning at Smitherson and Partners...they are looking for a fresh face...someone doing a law degree...THAT'S ME!..."

Jackson scraped his chair back and stood up, " you look FINE!...MORE than fine...they'll be lucky to have yah..."

Joe began making himself a brew, " thanks, but I wish I had your confidence...I envy that in you!"

Jackson laughed out loud at that, " WHAT!...it were ME who were bricking it a few weeks ago, when I came out to the lads at work..."

Joe stirred his tea, " but THEY are okay with it now...well some of them...is Andy still not talking to yah..."

Jackson sadly shook his head, as he pulled on his hoodie, and snatched up his rucksack, "nah, don't blame him though, IT WERE THE LYING that did it...it's a pity mind, because it's the last day on site...Ray's managed to line me up a job across town...Andy's going down to London...NOTHING LIKE putting distance between us, a..."

Joe downed his brew, and slipped on his smart suit jacket, " right, I'm fit... cheers for the lift..."

Jackson snatched up his van keys...well, when you say van...it was more like a rust bucket on wheels...a shabby white transit, that had more dirt stuck to it, than the actual construction site he was working at, and Joe was thinking very that, as he stepped out of the front door, and approached it.

Joe pulled the passenger door open with a screech, " I'm surprized this thing gets you from A to B, do me a favour yeah, don't be dropping me off at the front door!"

Jackson laughed, as he belted up, and turned the engine, the van chugged into life, he turned to him, " OI!...don't be dissing me van...it only cost me 300 notes, this!"

" yeah, and it shows mate!, are YOU SURE this is road worthy..." asked Joe as he watched Jackson pull out of the street, and on to the main road.

" COURSE it is!" answered Jackson, as he pulled up to the traffic lights, "it passed it's MOT and everything...AND I didn't have to wink to the machanic" he joked, " anyway, I had little choice did I...with Andy refusing to give me a lift anymore...I had to get something quick, didn't I"

Joe nodded, and pointed, " well drop me off over there...I give you a call later about going out to that new club in Leeds, and who knows, you might bump into that guy again!" he laughed.

Jackson stopped the van up onto the curb, " doubt it...anyway i'm not ready for that...", he put a hand on to Joe's shoulder, and smiled at him whistfully, "...alright mate, good look with the interview yeah"

Joe nervously smiled and jumped out, and within minutes the van was chugging on again up the road, leaving Joe to get to his appointment.

Xxx

Jackson had worked most of the morning on his own, of course some of the lads spoke to him, but others like Andy and Sean treated him like if he were a leper.

He supposed he had to get used to that...YOU really did find out WHO your real friends were...

At least his foreman Ray was okay with him, he was okay about him being gay, which was a plus for him, because Ray was sure to get him other jobs, like the job across town...maybe working further a field where no body would know him, wouldn't be a bad idea.

Not that it should BE like that...it was just for now...until the dust settled.

As he watched the finishing touches being made to the last house constructed on the site, his mother was approaching him, Jackson turned and smiled at her, since he moved out, he only had seen her once before, and had spoken to her a handful of times on the phone, when his dad was out down the pub getting smashed.

"you never said you'd be coming to see me today..."

Hazel sighed, as she stuck her hands into her coat pockets, " I was passing...look, can you get away..."

Jackson nodded, " I'm due an early lunch...and SEEING SINCE them lot are not speaking to me...they can't complain that I'm going early, can they..." he told her.

Hazel watched as Jackson removed his hard hat, and threw his aluminated vest into his van, he turned and pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, " come on...I buy you a tea, AND if you're lucky, a stick bun!"

Xxx

In the Cafe across the road, Jackson bought his mum a tea and as promised, a sticky bun...he brought them over from the counter, and sat down.

" I shouldn't really..." smiled Hazel taking her plate, " but they do look rather scrummy...", Jackson was already tucking into his, Hazel frowned at him, " wait a minute!...IS THIS your lunch!"

Jackson nodded, as he chewed through a mouthful of bun, Hazel tutted, " IS THIS what you do EVERY LUNCHTIME...go and stuff your face with rubbish!"

Jackson smirked at her, as he swished it down with a mouthful of tea, " KEEPS me alive!"

Hazel was not happy, " well, it looks as if I'm gonna have to be start making some sarnies for you again!"

Jackson pulled a face, " and HOW are you gonna be doing that...me DAD won't be letting yah, for a start!"

Hazel sipped her tea, " he 's not to know...I'll just say I'm making them for meself, that's all"

Jackson smiled warmly at her, and he took her hand in his, " thanks mum...thanks for caring...but don't be making life differcult for yourself..."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the waitress serve the customers at the counter, Jackson then focused his brown eyes on her, " so HOWS he been with yah...since I left...you never said last time"

Hazel shrugged, she white washed it alittle, " he's just your dad...you know what he's like...useless as ever"

"I saw him..." began Jackson, not really knowing he should tell her, " ...the other day...he were in the local"

Hazel looked up, this had taking her by surprize, " oh...he never said"

Jackson blew out a laugh, " i'm NOT surprized...cus I never went in...I just stood outside...across the road, staring...I thought about what you said that day...that he might come round..."

Hazel was puzzled, " but you said you saw him...", Jackson shook his head, " he came out...he was drunk as a lord, mind...and he were staggering up the street...and...and he saw me", Jackson's eyes darted from her and back to the tea and bun.

Hazel wanted to have hope...but it was dashed, " he never saw you, did he..."

Jackson raised his eyebrowes at her, " oh he SAW me alright mum, he just looked straight through me...as if I were invisible"

Hazel wanted to say, give him MORE time...but there was no length of time that would soothe Jerry...to him, they had no son...and he had said that on more than one accasion...she decided to keep this quiet from Jackson.

"so...you're STILL at your friends place..." she asked, changing the subject and taking another bite of her bun, Jackson leant back in his chair, " yeah...it's been 4 weeks now...Joe hasn't said owt, but I do need to get out his hair...get a flat or something...sort me self out properly"

"and...things have got better at work..." she pressed, the last time they had spoken on the phone, Jackson had said he had had some stick at the site.

Jackson beamed her a wide grin, " well I haven't got anymore more black eyes or cut lips, so yeah...it's okay I suppose..."

Jackson's mobile then sung to life on the table, Hazel winced at the noise...he sure still hadn't let all this business affect his horrible taste in music...if music was what you would call it.

Jackson picked up the phone, he was quite surprized who the caller was; ** CRAIG CALLING...**

He answered straight away putting the phone to his ear, " Craig!...what...shes...she had it...", Jackson's eyes looked at his mother, Hazel was trying to work out what was going on.

"is...is he okay...the baby", this grabbed Hazel's attention, baby!...that only could mean one thing...

"cheers for letting me know...and you", Jackson ended the call, Hazel sat quietly as long as she could, but she was fit to burst, " HAS she had it then...my grandson", her eyes all wide, eager for him to tell her.

Jackson nodded, " yeah...couple of days ago...Craig said he would have contacted me earlier, but it was differcult"

Hazel had her tongue in the side of her cheek, " she has NO right...keeping the birth from you..." she started, feeling annoyed.

Jackson shrugged, " she has...the way I treated her...SHE doesn't want me to have anything to do with it so...just leave it yeah..."

Hazel fiercely shook her head, and snatched up her handbag, " NO Jackson!...", she pointed her finger at him, " YOU are that babys father...YOU have rights!...don't you even WANT to go see it...what he looks like..."

Jackson waved out his hand defending himself, " COURSE I DO!...but I'm NOT welcome mum...and it's not fair on Sarah, causing her yet more grief"

Hazel was not having it, " no...you are going!...I want to see that boy, even IF YOU don't...he's MY grandson!"

Jackson DID want to see his new baby son...but at the same time he didn't want to cause yet MORE hassle...especially after last time they saw each other, with feelings running so high.

Hazel stood up, and practically removed the mug from Jackson's grasp, as he was about to take another gulp, " come on then, DON'T just sit there...we have to get to that hospital..!"

Xxx

It was an hour later, and Jackson and Hazel sat in the van, in the hospital's carpark.

"I REALLY don't think I can do this, mum..." Jackson whined, the butterflies in his stomach were now doing ten to the dozen.

Hazel turned, " just take a few deep breathes...IT WILL BE FINE!...she can't keep you away, even if she's tried!...now come on, get a grip" she opened the passenger door with a screech.

Jackson saw it slam shut, and he leaned over and pressed the lock in, after taking in a few deep breaths, he jumped out of the van himself...it was now or never...

Xxx

Sheila cooed over the baby as it laid in the cot of the special care unit.

She turned her head to see her daughter drag herself forward...her hair hung lank around her shoulders, and she looked exhausted, " I think he wants another feed..." her mother announced.

Sarah looked up, the bags laying heavy under her eyes, " what...MUM!...will you just leave it...it'll cry when it wants something..."

Sheila was shaking her head, " that's not what the midwife was saying...she said..."

"SHE said this...SHE said that!...why don't you just shut up...and give me a break...you are ALWAYS fussing!"

Sheila ignored her daughter, she had been stressed out since the birth, and turned back to to look at the little mite in the cot, "alright then...maybe try in a while..."

Sarah came to her side and looked down at her new son, "actually, I just want to go home..." she said

Sheila nodded, " no...you have to STAY for a couple more days until you heal, trust HIM to give you a baby that that was breach!" she told.

Sarah thought about Jackson, the father of her baby boy...the GAY father of her baby boy...he didn't even know the baby was born...she hadn't told him...hadn't rang or texted him...as far as she was concerned, he could stay away...

Craig was then at their side, " alright..."

Sheila turned, " see if you can get YOUR sister to feed him...i'm going to get myself a cuppa", Craig nodded, and watched his mother walk up the corridor, readying a token coin for the machine.

Sarah turned her head, " WHY can't you just keep away..."

Craig looked about them, fearing their mother was back and listening, " look...WHATEVER happened between me and...IT can't effect us...we are family...YOU said you were fine with it..."

" I WAS...sort of...until I gave birth, now or I can do is think about HIM!...and then I think about you...and then HIM and YOU together...touching eachother..."

Craig could see the disgust on her face, " Sarah...please, look...you won't have to see me around for much longer...Kyle got that job on the south coast...a place called Chichester...it's abit dead, but it's better than round here!"

Sarah turned, " do you really think that buggering off to Essex is going to make me forget...", Craig stared at the baby, sleeping in the cot, " it's in Sussex actually...AND yes I think it will help you...you can focus on him...the baby, without ME around giving you reminders..."

Sarah was bitter, " so you AND Kyle can play the happy couple...", Craig snapped his head round, " HE KNOWS!...I told him...he knows about...what happened in his kitchen that day...he was angry but...Sussex is a fresh start for us...the baby will be yours..."

Xxx

Jackson and Hazel walked up to the desk in maternity, the receptionist wasn't exactly any help to them, but she wasn't the biggest of their hurdles, Sheila was making a beeline over to them, from the coffee machine...and she had the biggest scowl Jackson had ever had the pleasure of seeing on her.

Hazel glanced at Jackson, " here we go..."

"YOU'VE got a flaming nerve showing up here...WHO told you!" demanded Sheila.

Hazel was about to let slip Craig, but before she could even start to get the name out, Jackson jumped in, " I rang up...some dappy reception let it slip!...anyway...it's me right...I AM the father, after all"

Sheila shook her head, she looked as she could spit on him, " MORES the pity...that POOR boy, stuck with a father LIKE YOU!"

Hazel stepped in, and pointed her finger, " now you listen here sweatheart, MY Jackson has EVERY RIGHT to see his boy...you can't stop him...isn't that right Jackson..."

Jackson turned to see that his mother was glancing up at him, full of hope that he was going to fight with her.

Jackson then looked toward Sheila, and that scowl...that look of disgust...because she was BOUND to know everything!...he felt ashamed.

Jackson breathed out a sigh, " yeah...yeah I am..." he finally managed to muster, Sheila laughed out loud, " BLIMEY!...it sounds like he REALLY IS putting up a fight...BUT WE ALL KNOW that he'd be far much happier kissing other men and hanging around toilets!" she spat with sarcasm.

Hazel stepped in, again, " YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, MY JACKSON ISN'T LIKE THAT!"

Sheila spat at her, " THEY ALL DO THAT!...IT IS DISGUSTING, HE'S DISGUSTING"

Hazel was shaking her head, " look here sweetheart!, US BEING HERE, has nothing to do with what he is...he wants to see his son...I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDSON!"

Jackson heard his mother and Sheila start abit of a spat, and a nurse had to shush them up, in the mean time, Jackson disappeared into the gents, he'd had enough of hearing them pair argue...he just needed to think things through...decide whether it was THIS he actually wanted, and not just his mother rail roading him along...at least he could get 5 minutes alone...

Xxx

Craig had left Sarah to finally feed the baby, he stepped out of the special care unit, and saw Jackson in the corridor...he was looking straight back at him...

" Jackson..." he whispered, he had tipped him off earlier that Sarah had had the baby, but didn't think he'd have the nerve to show up...Craig felt the feelings stir in him...he was the man he loved after all...it would NEVER be Kyle...but he and Jackson could NEVER be together...not in this life time anyway...maybe sometime in the far future, who knows.

But what he thought was him staring back at him, and thinking the same thing...he was in for a disappointment, when he realised he was actually looking over him...

Craig turned...

And saw Sarah standing there...with the baby in her arms...

Please review and tell me what you think :)


	15. Chapter 15

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1

Final Chapter

***warning*** NO AARON!

HI, last one!

Please review and tell me your thoughts on this...

MID- OCTOBER 2005

Craig had left Sarah to finally feed the baby, he stepped out of the special care unit, and saw Jackson in the corridor...he was looking straight back at him...

" Jackson..." he whispered, he had tipped him off earlier that Sarah had had the baby, but didn't think he'd have the nerve to show up...Craig felt the feelings stir in him...he was the man he loved after all...it would NEVER be Kyle... but he and Jackson could NEVER be together...not in this life time anyway..._maybe sometime in the far future...who knows._.

But what he thought was him staring back at him, and thinking the same thing...he was in for a disappointment, when he realised he was actually looking over him...

Craig turned...

And saw Sarah standing there...with the baby in her arms...

Xxx

Jackson didn't know how long he had been sat there...all he DID KNOW, was that his bum cheeks were getting numb on the cheap plastic seat.

Earlier, Sarah had come out with the baby in her arms...and when she clapped eyes on him, she just backtracked into the special care unit.

It was clear on her eyes that she didn't want him anywhere near the baby, but he would wait...wait till she came out...reason with her.

That seemed an age ago, for the bright light in the skylight had now darkened as the afternoon had turned into evening.

He sat there, head in his hands facing the floor when he heard footsteps approaching him, he looked up and noticed it was Craig.

Craig smiled, and handed him the coffee, " there you go...look mate, I'm gonna have to love you, and leave you...Kyle's swung by in the car to pick me up, out front"

Jackson didn't face him, he just focused on the wall opposite, the coffee steaming from the poly cup in his grasp, " arn't you the lucky one..." he muttered.

"My Mum's gone home...so at least SHE won't be on your case, a?...", informed Craig with a smile, trying to lighten up Jackson's glum stance.

Jackson sighed and finally looked up at him, holding up the polycup " cheers for this...DON'T let me keep Kyle waiting..."

The name Kyle was said rather sarcastically.

"HE makes me happy..." defended Craig, " anyway, what choice DO I HAVE...", Jackson could see the longing in Craig's gaze to him...a longing for Jackson.

Jackson broke the gaze, and faced the floor, "the RIGHT choice, so go now...I'll maybe catch up with you later..."

Craig paused fot a moment...then walked off without another word...he never saw Jackson look up and watch him disappear from view...abit of regret on his face for just letting him go...

But it was just for a split second, because he could hear the door opening from Special care nearby, and Sarah was coming out in her dressing gown.

Sarah rolled her eyes at him, " DON'T you EVER give up!"

Jackson jumped out of the plastic chair, and hurried over to her, " I told you, didn't I...I told you i'd sit here ALL night if I had too...until you let me see him properly..."

Sarah shook her head at him, she was feeling so tired, and REALLY DIDN'T want to do this, "and what if I still don't let you see him..." she sighed.

"Then I'll be sitting here ALL week...and then, when you take the baby home, I'll be sitting on your doorstep till you give in..." answered Jackson, the fight to see his son burning brightly in his every word.

Sarah could detect this...and it DID genuinely surprise her, she smiled at him...the first time she had in a long while, " well, MY MUM would have something to say to that, if you did"

Jackson returned her smile, " as if I ever took any notice of her...PLEASE Sarah...PLEASE let me see him...he's my boy..."

Sarah swallowed...in her head, her mother was nagging...'He's NEVER to see him...DON'T let him near him'

Could she REALLY do this to Jackson...turn him away AGAIN...

If he didn't care, he would have gone, long gone...but HE WAS STILL HERE...

She sighed, and pushed open the door, and looked up at him as she did so, " you can come in...just for 5 minutes...AND you can't touch him..."

Jackson's eyes lit up...he gasped in excitement...as he lept through the open door, Sarah followed on behind him.

xxx

Inside Special care, Jackson gazed down at his son...his lovely little son.

He was all wrinkled like new born babies were...and he was sort of red...he was tempted to touch him...but with Sarah acting as a protective watchdog, he just stood there staring, as the little mite slept.

"he sleeps like me...on his back..." he told, flashing a smile toward Sarah, but still eyeing his son.

Sarah rolled her eyes, " THEY ALL sleep like that..."

Jackson tried to fight his paternal desire to touch his son...his little hand in a ball...he'd loved to put his finger in it.

But Sarah would freak...so he continued to fight against the urge.

"It's an AMAZING feeling...the pull you have...it...it just comes to you...it's like instinct...", told Jackson.

Sarah stood up from where she was sitting...she wasn't sure it was good for Jackson to get too close...not if she was going to...

"can I take a picture of him on me phone..." asked Jackson, already fishing it out from his jeans pocket.

Sarah reluctantly shook her head...maybe it would be good for him to have a photo.

Jackson focused the baby on his camphone and snapped a shot of him, he took two, and was already admiring them, but before he stuff the phone back in his pocket, Sarah was up.

"your five minutes is up Jackson..." she whispered...and she said it on the cold side.

Jackson looked at her, he was full of disappointment " but...can't I have just a little longer...he's NOT even awake...I wanna see him open his eyes..."

"AND HE cries for England when he does...I want some sleep, so your time is up...and I want you to go..." she stated, the tiredness seeping through her tone of voice, like she had had enough now.

Jackson stared down to his son one last time...he then tore himself away, and headed to the exit, he turned to her, " can I come in tomorrow...bring in Mum...Please Sarah..." Sarah wanted to say no...but there was a pleading in his tone, she finally nodded her head, " come back tomorrow morning...I'll won't be so tired then..."

Jackson forced out a genuine smile, and was off...leaving Sarah to her thoughts...

Thinking of what was the BEST thing to be done...

xxx

If the baby could CRY for England...then Jackson could TALK for England.

Joe sat back with his pint in the quiet pub, he knew Jackson was excited, but he was a little worried about the level of HOW excited he was getting.

He leaned forward, " so...Sarah's told you that you can see the bub again..." he asked.

Jackson raised his eyebrowes in relish, " yeah!...tomorrow morning, I just said!...and i'm gonna be taking me mum along too...she's desperate to see him...she needs cheering up, after what I'VE put her through"

He then reached for his mobile, and looked at the pic for about the 10th time that evening, he beamed yet another proud smile.

Joe bit his lip...he was worried Jackson was in for a fall, " look mate...what happens if she changes her mind..."

He had said it now!

Jackson didn't look best pleased...he frowned at him, " what do you mean by that!"

Joe shrugged, " well...feelings are running high, arn't they...shes not long had it...and you told me earlier at home that she looked well knackered...i'm just saying that things might look different to her in the morning..."

Jackson slammed his pint down and stood up, " THANKS for that..." he then stormed off towards the gents with a face like thunder.

Joe felt bad...but he just wanted to protect his mate, prepare him...because IF Sarah did refuse him a visit...then he was going to be heartbroken.

Jackson wasn't gone for long, he came back...and Joe could see by the look on his face that he wasn't AS annoyed as he was when he had left.

"I'm sorry mate..." he muttered, and then downed his pint, and pulled on his jacket, " shall we just get to Bar west...pints here are ALWAYS flat..."

Joe nodded, and quickly finished his drink, he then followed Jackson out of the pub to enjoy the rest of their night.

Xxx

Of course Jackson didn't sleep that night, at 6am he had already lept out of bed and jumped into the shower.

And by the time Joe was up, and down the stairs, Jackson was finishing his breakfast, "blimey you're up early, I thought you weren't starting your new job till monday" Joe quizzed.

Jackson, camphone in his hand, smiled," I don't...I'm going to the hospital remember...", he then had the phone to his ear, " Mum...at last, what...oh bollix to him, be standing where you usually stand, i'll pick you up at 10...I'm taking you to meet your grandson...", Joe could hear Hazel's squeal from where he was stood at the sink, "I know...I KNOW!...I'll explain later just be standing there...bye", he ended the call, and again was staring at the pic of his son...NOW as wallpaper!

Joe made himself a brew, " so...your Mum sounded made up...I could hear her from over here"

Jackson finished his brew and stood up, " yeah she was...she can't wait...NOR can I...it's just the BEST feeling Joe...being a dad"

After washing up his breakfast things he disappeared into the hallway.

Joe sat and sighed, he just hoped that by tonight, Jackson wouldn't be acting totally the opposite of how he was now...

Xxx

Jackson had picked up Hazel in the van, and they hurried to the hospital.

In the van Hazel cooed over the pics on Jackson's phone, "oh Jackson LOOK at him...he's like a little you!"

Jackson pulled a face as he pulled the van into the hospital carpark, " ohh, behave will yah!...he JUST looks like a baby...you can't tell WHO he looks like yet"

Hazel begged to differ, " course you can!...he'll have your eyes, I just KNOW he will...can't tell from these though...didn't Sarah let you wake him..."

Jackson parked the van up, and turned to her shaking his head, " no...she didn't...as I said to yah, she were knackered..."

"awwwww...he looks bonny...I'll tell you what Jackson, if anything that will break the ice between you and your father...this will, I just know it will...well, if you can pull him away from that Eileen woman...that bar maid at the local...he seems to spend MORE time with her than me, now..."

Jackson took back the phone, and took one last look at the pics, "NICE THOUGHT!... but, I very much doubt that, Mum..."

Hazel climbed out of the van, and after Jackson had locked it up, they headed off in the direction of the maternity entrance.

Xxx

Sarah was in the special care unit, she had just fed the baby and was preparing to sort herself out, when she heard Hazel's voice booming across the corridor.

She turned and folded her arms...there they were, Jackson and his overbaring mother, and she knew exactly why they were here...

To see the baby.

Sarah vaguely remembered last night...Jackson visiting the baby...but she had been SO TIRED, she just didn't have any fight in her...

today, she did...

Jackson was first to see her, he was already beaming that silly grin of his...

and even THAT GRIN couldn't change her mind.

"so...hows my little boy this morning, awake for his daddy I hope..." he announced, but at the same time he realised that maybe he was being a tad TOO cocky.

Sarah looked up and shook her head, " he's doing fine...so you can go now"

Jackson pulled a face, and blew out a laugh, " What!...but you said..."

Sarah shrugged at him, " I've changed my mind...I don't want you seeing him...so if you don't mind"

Hazel bundled forward, " Just a minute you!...DON'T DO this to him...", Sarah turned her head, " what's it to you...you have absolutely NOTHING to do with it!"

Jackson stepped forward, his eyes betrayed how desperate he was, " please Sarah, please let me see him..."

Sarah sighed, and raised her eyebrowes, " alright Jackson, but I can do better than letting you see him..."

She trailed off, as she reentered the special care unit, Jackson glanced at his mother briefly before he followed, " i'll bring him out..." he whispered to her.

In the unit, Sarah was gently lifting the baby out of the cot, she then cradled him for a while, before turning to face Jackson, " come on then...and hold him properly, secure the head..."

Sarah handed over the baby, and Jackson had him in his arms...he looked down at his son, the boy's eyes were open and looking back at him, " hello Son...I'm yah dad..." he managed to say through tears...he didn't know where the tears came from..it was like an overwhelming feeling that wrapped itself around him.

He glanced up at Sarah briefly, " I'm afraid I'm gonna drop him..."

Sarah remained quiet, she watched him closely, seeing how much he was enjoying holding his son.

Hazel popped her head through, " is it alright for me to come in...Awwwww Jackson!", she gasped out loud when she saw the baby in Jackson's arm.

"come here Mum...come and meet your grandson..." told Jackson.

Just as Hazel was about to enter, a voice behind them suddenly barked into life, "WHAT the hell is going on!...Sarah have you LOST all of your senses!"

Sarah turned her head to her mother, and nodded, " no...I know exactly what I'm doing Mum..."

She turned her head back to Jackson and the baby, " oh...I decided a name for him this morning...I'm gonna call him Jack"

Jackson looked up to her...the baby cooing abit in his arms, " Jack...after me..." he asked with a genuinely surprized smile.

Sarah shook her head, " no...after MY grandad actually...now hand him over..."

"what...but Mum wants a hold...", told Jackson backing away to where Hazel was already readying her arms.

Sarah shook her head, " no...have you enjoyed holding him..."

Jackson blew out a laugh, " course I have...YOU know I have..."

He rocked the baby, as Sarah came forward, " then say goodbye to him..."

Jackson shook his head, " what now...but he's just woke up...Mum wants a cuddle...", Sarah readied her arms, " I mean SAY goodbye...because it's the FIRST and LAST time you will ever be holding your son..."

Sheila smirked...boy, her daughter DID KNOW what she was doing.

Hazel was shaking her head, her mouth agape, " no...don't DO this...Sarah, love...he's his dad..."

Sarah didn't look at her, " Jackson, hand him over please...NOW!"

Jackson suddenly felt all choked up...surely she didn't mean this, " Sarah pleasssse...don't DO this to me...don't let me hold him and NEVER see him again...it's not fair"

Sarah thinly smiled, " LIFE ISN'T FAIR!"

Jackson stared at his son and leaned in and kissed the mites forehead, he then handed the baby over to her, " Sarah...please...maybe if we got married, I'll be a good father to him...please don't...take...him away..." he couldn't get the words out...because he was starting to sob.

Sarah looked up at him, as she now held baby Jack, " and I WANT a good husband...and THAT'S not going to be you...and you know that...so go now...YOU'VE seen him...I've done what you asked...now leave, and not come back please...", her words uttered were so matter of fact.

"HE'S GOT RIGHTS!" blasted Hazel, she just couldn't help it...she was angry.

Jackson was sobbing, as he looked at Jack in Sarah's arms, Sheila was now standing with her, "you heard my daughter...go...and if you don't, I'll get the nurse or someone to go and get security to throw you out"

Jackson tore his gaze away...his heart beating rapidly, he pushed past his mother and stormed out into the corridor.

Once he looked back...at Sarah and Jack...and that smirk on Sheila's face...

Then he was gone...Hazel hurrying after him.

Xxx

It was past 2 in the afternoon when Jackson dropped his mother home.

And from there...he drove his van to a lonely spot and cried...cried for his baby...because it was like a loss...Sarah didn't want him to be apart of his life...and he had just walked away.

Maybe this was best...even though his mother had bent his ear off all the way home about THEM fighting for somekind of access.

Fight...

He didn't want to fight...he was 18, and just wanted to get on with his life, maybe this was a much needed excuse for an escape from such a big commitment...being a father.

He pulled out his mobile, and stared at the image of his son...of Jack...he smiled sadly...before deleting the pic...and then he did the second.

This was it...this was how it was going to be from now on...No son...a case of out of sight, out of mind.

Until he was ever needed...

and Jackson Walsh WAS needed...

Because it all started 2 and a half years later...when he received that emergancy call...

That Jack needed a tranfusion...

END***

A sad ending I know...but those who have read my other stories will know that Jackson and Jack do reunite...THANKS FOR READING.


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